Forever is a Lie
by destielshipper
Summary: AU: Life isn't fair. It never has been and it never will be, not for Castiel. It's a slap in the face when he realises that the only man for him, the only one he truly wants is in the shape of his sister's new husband. It's a conflict of forbidden feelings and a lust that won't fade. But it's also a battle of three hearts but who will be the winner?
1. Chapter 1

Castiel Milton stared at the email for a long minute before leaning back into the soft leather chair with a resigned sigh. The upholstery creaked underneath his weight and he pulled out the crumpled packet of cigarettes needing his morning hit. The up to date, stylish, and dislikeable laptop hummed on the desk and he scowled deeply lighting the cigarette and inhaling deeply. The relief tore in his chest and he exhaled watching the soft grey smoke curl up into the air and disappear. His eyes eventually went back to the email and he pulled it towards him with a sniff looking over the email from his beloved but younger sister, Anna. He skimmed the delightful but boring tales of her adventures in Australia and focused on the part where he knew his mother was going to have a heart attack and the rest of the family would groan and internally disgrace her but plaster fake smiles on their faces.

…_**I've met a guy along the way, a really, really, great guy and we got married. I know you're freaking out but I'll be home with him in a few days and you'll see why I married him. You're going to love him!**_

Castiel clucked his tongue into his cheek with a shake of his head. Anna was always the one to be adventurous and act on pure impulse without thinking of the consequences. She finished college and the first thing she decided was to take an all around the world tour leaving their mother to practically down a bottle of her tablets. He inhaled the cigarette and turned slowly like a criminal in a horror or action film to see his elder brother, Gabriel, leaning against the door frame with a cocked eyebrow.

"What's going on?" he murmured stepping in and pushing the chair out of the way as he read the email.

"Holy…shit" he breathed stepping back and looking at Castiel who breathed out the grey smoke at Gabriel who stole it out of his mouth and took a drag. Castiel scowled at him snatching it back and kicking back in the chair.

"She was always foolish and there's not even a name for our new brother in law" Gabriel murmured looking over it and stood up rubbing his forehead.

"He is not our brother and he'll be gone before the year is out" Castiel replied with a snort slamming the laptop lid down and finishing off the last of his cigarette. He glanced up at Gabriel noticing the bags underneath his eyes and the lack of sleep, the smell of booze, old cigarettes and a hint of sex.

"Good night in the office?" he murmured taking the last drag of his cigarette and stubbing it out. "You smell like sex"

"It's not an easy job running a chocolate factory and I need my fixes" he said with a chuckle. "My personal assistant has a rather good tongue"

Castiel chuckled softly pushing up and walking over to the window to see the sun rising slowly in the morning sky. It was a mid spring morning still clinging to the chill of winter in North Dakota and he loved it. His eyes strayed down to the big back garden even fit with a swimming pool covered with a thin plastic sheet to protect it. Castiel would never deny that his family was well off as they would say. It was an absent father forever away on business trips bringing in the money with a doting, ever faithful wife turning a blind eye to everything he did. The house was luxurious with six bedrooms, five bathrooms, office, and a kosher kitchen with the fitted appliances, spacious living area, garage, and a personal apartment. It was a large space for one family and with Anna away it left Castiel, twenty seven years old, Gabriel, thirty one, Michael, thirty five, his mother, Kendal, and baby sister, Rachel, four years old to live in a large house suited for more.

More than enough times it had been widely spoken about by their friends and family alike about how they still all lived together and how they had not yet moved out. It was made out to be odd and not right but in all honesty Castiel couldn't care less. With Anna away she needed a home to return to and didn't want her own space, she wanted to return to family. Gabriel had moved out on more than one occasion but always returned when he lost the flat or apartment from refusing to pay the bills and came trailing back with his tail between his legs. Castiel simply didn't want to leave the house he had grown so accustomed to and would rather deal with bothersome brothers and sisters then a lonely, empty, apartment. Michael was in the same situation as Anna constantly travelling around like their father and returning for a few weeks only to take off again. There was no point in buying their own place.

Kendal was more than delighted to house them if they paid their way and paid for their own food which she would happily cook. It warmed her to have her children all around her most of the time and the thought of sitting in an empty house scared her and her dependency flared up in a wild panic. She was a mother and her duties had changed her.

"Gabe!" a high pitched screech came from the corridor and they turned to see Rachel running in, in her pale pink pyjamas and gold fluff of her hair sticking up. "Where is he?!"

"Where is who?" he said pleasantly folding his arms over.

"My doll" she fumed stepping in and hitting him hard on the stomach. Gabriel grunted grabbing her wrists and laughed dodging her weak attempts.

"He's taking a bath…in the toilet" he said with a grin.

Rachel gasped horrified shaking her head and looked over to Castiel watching them amused.

"Mom!" she screamed tugging away and running out.

"I was just kidding!" he shouted after her and sighed glancing over to Castiel. "I wonder if we were that annoying when we were younger."

"You shouldn't tease her, where is he really?"

"In the cabinet in the bathroom and it'll a lesson not to go in my room and root through my drawers!"

Castiel rolled his eyes moving out of the office and heading down the stairs hearing weak sobs coming from the kitchen were Kendal was attempting to soothe her sobbing daughter.

"Rachel" he called and waited patiently for her to run out and hurtle towards him hugging him around the middle.

"I hate him" she mumbled into his shirt. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him"

"No you don't and let me tell you a little secret" he said dropping down to his knees and looking into her watery eyes. "Marko is currently in a cabinet"

"The bathroom?" she breathed looking at the stairs and back to him.

"Yes" he murmured watching her grin and run away up the stairs. Castiel turned to look at the doorway to see his mother watching with a poker expression but a fond amusement lighting up her eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing, do you want a coffee?"

"Please, I have also got some news" he said stepping into the kitchen and perching on the stool. "It may not be the best news in the world but Anna is very subtle on her own personal news. She'd rather go into detail about the mating process of koala bears then her own marriage"

Kendal who was holding up two cups turned quickly dropping them till they fell on the floor with a smash.

"What? What did you say?"

"Anna emailed me, well us, and decided to inform me of mating processes, hot weather, and the marriage to a certain man plus she is returning in a few days with said man"

"Show me this email" she whispered.

Twenty minutes later he was stood with his mother as she read over the email and covered her mouth with a shaky exhale.

"How could she do this?" she whispered. "How could she marry without her family there?"

"What? Mom, I think you're missing the main detail here"

Kendal glanced up at him and nodded in agreement. "I agree the marriage is a little…sudden but I always…I always dreamed of planning Anna's wedding with _her_ when she finally settled down and look what she's done"

"It won't last, this is Anna we're talking about" he said pulling out another cigarette and lit it inhaling deeply. Kendal tutted standing up and taking it of his lips annoyed.

"I told you to quit this, Castiel, it's bad for you"

"I know you did but you know I never listen" he said with a small smile taking it back from her. Kendal sighed deeply closing her eyes and looked back to the email.

"First Michael and now this" she said softly.

"Michael?"

"He's met a woman, her name is Lilith and even the name gives me bad vibes"

"Michael is one for choosing the wrong woman" he said with a chuckle sucking the end deeply and feeling especially glad that he was gay. His last experience with a woman was with a lady called Daphne and it ended very badly. It put him off woman for life and he was glad with the life changing decision. Men were some of the time uncomplicated.

"I wish he was home, I hate him being out there in France of all places" she said with an eye roll and placed one hand pushing the lid down. "I suppose I better prepare for the return of a wayward daughter and her husband, apparently"

Castiel smiled amused at her expression as she walked out of the office. He dimly heard the shuffle of Rachel in her room and footsteps running out to see that she was ready for school.

"Have a nice day" he called to her and gave her a wink as she grinned at him. She left in a hurry when Kendal shouted up the stairs for her to hurry up. Gabriel would leave for work in a few minutes as well leaving Castiel alone in the house. While Michael worked for their father's company, Gabriel with his own, their mom who stuck at home in the personal apartment writing her books because she was an author, it left Castiel to be independent. Castiel was a chef in a restaurant called Lovett's. It was good money; the company was good and the staff friendly when they wanted to be. His love for food and cooking drove him into this career despite the disapproval from his father wanting him to be in the family company but that life was not for him.

Castiel stepped out into the cold inhaling the cold air and hummed with a small smile smelling spring. It sent a lovely thrill running through him and he took the last drag flicking it away and spiralling to the floor.

His phone buzzed against his thigh and he sucked the tender skin in his lip gently knowing exactly who it would be.

"Hello" he said softly when answering.

"Cassy, it's so good to hear your voice"

"Why are you calling, Balthazar?"

"I didn't disturb you from your beauty sleep, did I? Not that you need it, you and I both know you're gorgeous" he said with a small chuckle.

"That's a bad chat up line"

"It's worked before…I want to see you before I leave for Denmark"

"Denmark?"

"Client of mine has gone AWOL and I need to find him sooner rather than later and well…I'm dying to see you again one last time" he said with a small smirk. "Is anyone in?"

"Yes, Gabriel won't be leaving just yet and my mom will be returning after grocery shopping"

"Come to the apartment"

Castiel inhaled deeply looking up at the morning sun and ran a hand over the days old stubble he liked to keep.

"Give me one good reason"

"One good reason"

"Yes"

"Come here and I'll give it to you" he murmured softly. "I'll see you in half an hour"

The phone connection leaving Castiel to sigh deeply, white puffs trailing up and disappearing into the morning air, and he thought back to last year when he met him. Castiel had been in work when a waiter came in asking for him so a customer could compliment him on the meal. It had both scared and thrilled Castiel to walk out and come to the table were Balthazar Grace and a woman with jet black hair curled and piled softly on top of her head waited.

"Balthazar Grace" he said introducing himself.

"Castiel Milton, the head chef"

"Compliments to the head chef that was a marvellous meal" he said in a soft British accent looking up at him.

"Thank you very much" he said with a nod and a small smile not ignoring the way his eyes travelled up and down his body slowly.

"I'll be coming here again…but not just for the food" he said in a low voice.

"We welcome everyone" he said with a nod before returning to the kitchen.

Castiel entered the kitchen and looked to one of his close friends and cooks, Jo Harvelle, who leaned on the counter raising a slim eyebrow at him.

"Customer wanted to thank me for the meal cooked"

"Oh dear, is your ego going to explode"

"Shut up" he said flicking a piece of cheese at her. "It was a nice boost"

"Was it a he or a she?"

"He, his name was Balthazar Grace, a British man I think with a lady friend I think was his sister by the way she looked at him".

Jo smirked straightening up and grabbing her knife to start chopping. "Was he good looking?"

"No"

"Liar, he was and I can see it in those pretty blue eyes" she said pointing the knife at him with a small wicked smile. "I bet you $10 that he'll be in your bed or you will be his by the time the week is out"

He did owe $10 to Jo after the week was out but it was only due to the fact that Balthazar did return every night ordering the same and asked him to come out every night to thank him and talk to him. Castiel learnt that the woman on the first evening was a close friend and that was all she was to him, he learnt that he was in town for work reasons what with him being a trade's man.

Castiel wouldn't deny that he felt a strong attraction for the strange man who had barged quite suddenly into his life without question. It was Friday when he called for him again and he dropped in the chair with a shake of his head.

"Are you not bored of this?"

"No, god no, I enjoy your food and the company" he murmured and handed over a slip of card for him. "I want to take you out"

"Oh do you?"

"Oh yes"

"Fine" Castiel said softly not knowing then what he was signing up for but agreed to do it anyway. It escalated from there when the date ended that Saturday and he returned to his place. The sex was good, too good, and it drove them forward wanting more. It took two months of dating to become official with each other and it was so easy. It was honeymoon bliss of sex, sex, drinking, eating, sex, drinking, sex, and more sex. Castiel loved it, he loved him. It was easier to fall in love with him but honeymoon bliss never lasts and soon Balthazar was disappearing on trips away, not returning his calls for hours or even days and there was _always _an excuse.

It was seven months in their relationship when he returned and after their reunion sex he decided to do a little investigating. The only investigating to be done was to grab his phone when he slept next to him and look through the contents. Castiel knew the password; he was predictable and always would be.

His stomach dropped and his heart squeezed when he saw the vulgar messages from men and women alike, videos taken of them and he sighed deeply in defeat dropping the phone on his head. Balthazar spluttered waking up and he faced the undeniable anger of him. Castiel ended the relationship and told him in no certain words to fuck off out of his life and to not come back. It broke his heart to send him away but no amount of begging and pleading would change his mind, he would always be stubborn.

Balthazar disappeared for a month after that with no contact and it left him more miserable than he realised. It was the same routine for days, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, and over and over again till Jo snapped it out of him with a sharp slap across the cheek and a good night out. Castiel ended up sleeping with a random stranger in a one night stand. It was nothing more than a fuck. It just left him unsatisfied and craving something more.

He was in the apartment by the house needing to be alone when a knock came on the door. Castiel opened it and nearly slammed it in his face when he saw Balthazar.

"Please…hear me out"

"Give me one good reason?"

"Because you love me"

"That's not a good reason" he said going to shut the door when Balthazar slammed his hand out and shoved him back.

"Because I miss you, because I made a horrible mistake, and I want you back"

"Get out"

"You know you want me back"

"I really, really, don't" he said turning his back on him.

Castiel gasped when his arms circled around him his waist and a warm mouth pressed the nape of his neck.

"Yes, yes you do" he murmured kissing down his neck and resting in the crook of his neck. "We're too good together…we work, we fit, and I need you" he whispered trailing his hands up his jumper tracing them down his ribs and stroking a thumb across his nipple.

"We're not getting back together…I can't trust you"

"Okay but what about benefits?" he whispered into the crook and lifted his head when he turned to look at him. "Win, win, don't you think?"

That was how it started and that was why he was standing outside of the apartment wanting one thing only from him.

"Wine?" Balthazar said when he walked in.

"No"

"It's a good year" he said sipping the red wine and smacking his lips together. "Don't be such a prude"

"I am no prude, you wanted me here, and I want my reason"

Balthazar's eyes flashed with amusement and he inhaled setting it down with a small smile.

"You know the reason but you have trouble in your eyes, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong"

"I've known you for a year and I know when you lie…"

"Anna married an unknown man on her travels around the world…mom is secretly furious and we have to deal with their visit in a few days"

"I always thought you were the rebellious one"

"Shut up and let's get reasoning"

It was always afterwards that he felt guilty, cheap, and like a whore. Castiel turned away on his side looking across the room and longed for _more. _He wanted someone he just didn't want him for his body alone and nothing more. He wanted more than that, he wanted love.

**~0~0~0~**

Gabriel lay back strewn across the couch engrossed in his Buffy marathon while Castiel stood at the window smoking.

"When will she arrive?"

"Mom said it would be around two or three" Castiel murmured staring out across the yard.

Rachel skidded around the corner in a whirl and paused staring at Gabriel and the television.

"Mom said it's my turn"

"Go away"

"You go away! Isn't it about time you moved out…again" she hissed at him trying to snatch the remote control.

"Nope, I'm staying here to annoy little pests like you" he said shoving her head gently.

"Castiel!" she pleaded with a small whimper.

"Gabe" he said with a sigh.

"What? It's a Buffy marathon, marathon means they don't end until every episode is watched and I am far from done" he said gesturing at the television and shoving a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

Castiel rolled his eyes while Rachel stormed out in a huff. He ignored the buzzing against his thigh and flicked the cigarette away with his fingers. They both paused when they heels and looked to see Kendal at the doorway.

"They're here" she said simply with wide eyes.

Gabriel launched off the couch joining Castiel at the window as a car drove up into the drive.

"That's a 67 Chevy Impala" Gabriel murmured with narrowed eyes. "That's a sweet ride"

Castiel didn't reply and simply watched as the car parked outside and Anna stepped out. Her red hair pinned back and her skin still pale as it had always had been.

"How the fuck is she pale?" Gabriel hissed with an open mouth.

"Anna never tans, she burns, and then it fades back to the white of her skin. You know that" Castiel murmured and inhaled sharply at the man who stepped out. The man was so different with a hint of golden brown skin, blonde brown hair to match, and the face of a god. He was gorgeous and well out of the league of his little sister.

"Wow" Gabriel breathed meeting Castiel's eyes as they moved away and joined Kendal and Rachel as they waited for the door to open.

"Mom" Anna said rushing forward and hugging her tightly. The greeting for all of them was short and sweet before she stepped back from Gabriel's embrace to stand near her husband.

"This is Dean Winchester, we met in Canada" she said with a small smile. "I know the…the wedding must be a surprise but I will explain why it happened"

Dean fidgeted uneasily next to her scanning his eyes over them till green eyes met blue eyes and he paused for a moment watching him. Castiel couldn't look away and it was up to Dean to turn his eyes away to the floor before being shoved forward to meet Kendal.

"Pretty boy" Gabriel murmured into his ear. "I wonder how long it'll last"

"We'll have to wait and see" he said and moved forward to introduce himself to Dean before moving back into the living room.

"…and this is also my brother, Castiel"

"Dean" he said with a croak in his voice looking into his eyes.

Castiel lost himself in the green abyss of his eyes for a long moment before shaking his hand and gasping at the shivers running up his arm. He saw the same shock in Dean's eyes before it faded to nothing and he let go.

"We'll need a catch up" Anna said with a nod and a wink.

Castiel exhaled with a brief nod, took out a cigarette, and walked away heading towards the front door. Anna rolled her eyes glancing at Dean.

"He's always like that, you'll get used to it" she said moving away to join Kendal and Rachel in the kitchen. Dean looked over his shoulder towards the retreating figure and froze when Castiel turned to look at him sceptically and confusion written all over his face.

He didn't like the feeling coursing through his veins hot, demanding, and utterly wrong. Castiel stormed down the driveway needing to get away for a few minutes and gain control. He looked at his hand in contempt before sitting down underneath a tree, closing his eyes, and wishing to slip away into the night. It was his only comfort.

**A/N: This will become an affair fic. So please don't moan at me for it in later chapters. It's a pre warning. **

**I wrote this a long time ago and I do rather like it to be fair. I've already uploaded one fanfic, The Team Free Will Hangover, but I'm already struggling with it so I'm doing this one for now. So do me a huge favour and give me some feedback? I would really appreciate it. **


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel stared up at the white ceiling of the study hearing the smooth tone of his mom downstairs talking with Anna, Dean, and Rachel. He sighed softly glancing over to Gabriel who stood in the door way with a look of conflict and if he looked hard enough, agony.

"What's wrong?"

"Conversations about Australia, Canada, marriage, sex, and the sleeping pattern of a lioness" he said with a loud groan walking over and snatching the packet of cigarettes. "I never thought I would say but I wish she'd take pretty boy and fuck off again"

"Gabe" he said in a warning tone. "She is our sister and she's come home…mom will not let her leave so soon"

"I know" he mumbled around his cigarette lighting it. "I just wish pretty boy would also stop looking like a wounded bear…he hasn't said two words apart from his name, the fact he's twenty seven, and is from Kansas"

"That's pretty much his life story" Castiel said dryly tapping his fingers on the leather. "Balthazar keeps calling"

Gabriel straightened rising a surprised eyebrow and sucking on the end amused. "Still fucking him then?"

"I can't seem to stop"

"It's because he's a whore, a major whore, and you little brother are a secret whore" he said poking him hard in the forehead. "You're like me, you enjoy sex, good sex, and Balthazar is a good fuck"

Castiel hummed in agreement shutting his eyes. "I feel cheap afterwards…he's supposed to be in Denmark but he said his flight was cancelled for a few days"

"Go see him then"

"He's like a drug and I want to quit him right now" he said with slow exhale sitting up. "I should have never agreed to this…agreement"

"It's sex, Cas, you get your need and so does he"

"I loved him, Gabe, really loved him and he cheated…since then I seem to have fucked the love away for him" he said kicking his feet off the table and standing up. "It's always for an orgasm now"

"One of a kind" Gabriel said with a dry chuckle. "Quit him then and stop whining"

Castiel glared at him till he shrugged his shoulders at him walking out. His eyes closed once again and he moved across the room to stare out of the window looking out at the night. It had been two days since Dean and Anna arrived and since then it had been nothing but his mom wanting to know him and reconnecting with her daughter. Anna married Dean six months ago in Canada of all places before going travelling with him. The details weren't clear but something about love and a bond brought them together. It made Castiel feel violently sick and he avoided them the best he could.

A knock on the door startled him and he turned looking over his shoulder to see Anna.

"Anna"

"Hello, Castiel"

"What do you want?"

"You're avoiding me" she said simply stepping inside and placing a hand on the chair. "I thought I would have had a warmer welcome since dad isn't here nor Michael"

"Sorry"

Anna narrowed her eyes curling her hair deep into the leather for a second before pulling away and stepping towards him.

"I've been away for so many months; do you not want to see me?"

"Of course I do"

"I've missed you, all of you, I have seen so many things, done things I never thought I would get the chance, and even married a guy who is way out of my league" she said with a soft chuckle when he nodded. "But I missed you all and Rachel is so grown up now I barely know my baby sister"

"She's still the same annoying girl" he said warmly. "You left; you lived your own life"

"What have you been doing?"

"I got in a relationship with a man called Balthazar Grace, I fell in love with him and he cheated on me with countless whores, sluts, and slags while I waited for him. I discovered the truth, dumped him, and he came crawling back. We're now fucking on occasion. I still have my job and I'm watching the butterflies" he said with a small smile. "What about you?"

Anna clenched her jaw staring at him and exhaled a shaky breath. "You're different"

"You weren't here to see the change"

"Why are you still fucking an ex-boyfriend?"

"Why are you married to a man you hardly know?"

"Touché" she said with a soft smile. "I need you to do something for me"

Castiel rolled his eyes moving away and picking up his cigarettes. "What?"

"Spend time with Dean"

"What?" he said confused turning to look at her.

"I know it's a lot to ask but he has no one, Castiel, his brother, Sam, is hundred miles away and he's going to see him soon but for now he needs…male company" she pleaded moving towards her. "Gabriel is no help and I don't really want him around Dean but you…you can somehow cheer him up"

"I don't even know him"

"I know you don't but isn't that the point? He needs someone and as my brother and his brother in law it's your right"

Castiel stared into her eyes fighting an inner war till he gave in and nodded. "Fine"

"Good, you can take him out for a drink"

"I have an early start tomorrow"

"Tomorrow then" she said with a smile leaning into kiss his cheek and move out of the room.

Castiel pulled out a cigarette needing it desperately and lit it quickly. He stood in the study smoking away and puffing out the grey smoke watching it trail away into nothing. He liked watching it disappear, it made him wonder where it went and did it really disappear. He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't hear the next knock.

"Anna sent me" he heard and turned to see Dean standing sheepishly in the doorway.

"Oh I'm sure she did" he murmured turning to face him. "You look like you're ten seconds from having a panic attack"

Dean smirked softly walking in and shrugging his shoulders up and down. "You try being in a house full of complete strangers"

"Haven't you just travelled the world?"

"Yeah but that's part of the mystery of…travelling" he said with another shrug looking at the cigarette in his hand and away. Castiel noticed the look and hid a smile moving closer to him and holding it out.

"It may release some of that stress" he said softly.

Dean looked into his eyes and between them with a raised eyebrow. "Personal space"

"I'm sorry" he said stepping back and holding it out. "Trust me"

"I quit a while back"

"One little puff isn't going to change that" he said with a challenge in his eyes which Dean met stepping closer and taking it. Castiel pressed his tongue into lip hidden from view and simply watched Dean suck on the end deeply and exhale with a small cough.

"You're clearly unpractised" he murmured moving closer to him and nodded at it. "Do it again"

Dean obeyed placing it into his mouth gently meeting his eyes.

"Inhale the smoke into your mouth" he ordered softly watching him copy the action. "Take it into your lungs and…exhale"

Dean copied and exhaled feeling a pleasure run all over and blinked over and over again. "Wow, I forgot how good it is"

"It's amazing" he said taking it back and smiling gently at him. "Why did you quit?"

"My brother, he told me I would choke up my lung sooner rather than later"

"He's probably right"

Dean watched him take a few more drags and stub it out in the ashtray. "I guess Anna told you to keep me company"

"If she did, would you mind?"

"No, not at all, your mom is a lovely woman and I love Anna but sometimes I need to be with someone who doesn't have breasts"

Castiel chuckled looking up at him. "I know the feeling very well and that's why I hate them"

"You…you hate breasts?"

"Breasts and vagina…I'm more of a flat chest and a cock person" he said honestly looking into Dean's eyes. Dean stared into the baby blues and could honestly say he had never seen more beautiful eyes.

"You're gay" he said simply.

"I guess…" Castiel said with a shrug. "It's easier and the sex is better"

Dean could feel his cheeks burning and coughed glancing away. "I wouldn't know"

"You've never been with a man?"

"No"

Castiel didn't reply and hummed rubbing between his eyebrows feeling a headache coming on and needed sleep.

"Do you fancy coming out for a drink tomorrow?"

"Sure"

"I need sleep, I have to cook for god knows how many people tomorrow" he said brushing past him and feeling a low hum in his stomach just from a simple touch. He looked up meeting his green eyes for a moment before walking away into his bedroom and locking it. Dean stared at the oak wood door for a minute before moving away and stepping into his bedroom, Anna's bedroom, and sitting on the red cover.

"Hey, babe" she said walking in and closing the door behind her. "Are you okay?"

"Good, yeah, yeah, I'm good" he said stretching out his back and looking over to her as she changed out of her clothes and into her favourite black silk night gown. "I'm going for a drink tomorrow"

"Castiel asked you then"

"Yeah after you're pushing"

"I did it for you, you need some male company" she said walking over and sitting next to him. "You'll like Castiel, he's…different"

Dean smirked at the tone in her words and moved his head to look at her and captured her lips in a soft kiss. His hand moved on his own accord trailing his hand over her breast feeling the smooth silk across her baby soft skin and sliding down slowly to her waist. It was so familiar, so warm, and always the same. His mind drifted to Castiel's words,

"…_flat chest and a cock…"_

Dean wondered for that second what a hard chest would feel like under his hands, to run his hands down the equally smooth skin feeling the muscle twitch underneath his fingertips, to feel the tremor of their heart underneath his hand and knowing what it was doing to them. His mind drifted away then as he drew back from her lips and flashed a smile.

"Have you been smoking?" she said touching her lips with a frown.

"Oh. Yeah, your brother kind of pushed me into it"

"It's vile" she said with a nose wrinkle of disgust. "Can you brush your teeth?"

"Sure"

Dean headed to the bathroom while she climbed into bed grabbing a book to read. He stepped in only to see Gabriel brushing his own and paused watching him and went to step out when he called to him.

"Pretty boy"

"My name is Dean"

"Whatever, I hear you and Castiel are going for a drink tomorrow" he said rinsing his mouth out and spitting directly into the sink.

"Yeah" he said eyeing him closely and knowing why he didn't particularly like his new brother in law and he didn't think he ever would.

Gabriel smirked in the mirror turning to look at him. "Good to hear, he could use a friend"

Dean grunted when he moved past knocking his shoulder hard and not caring as he moved to his own bedroom. He quickly done his teeth and returned to Anna still reading her book and stripped climbing in the other side.

"We can't have sex before you ask, my little sister is in the next room" she said with a sniff staring into the book. Dean blinked and bobbed his head in acknowledgement while she put the book down and switched off the lamp. "But we can cuddle"

Dean wrapped her arms around her slim body feeling her head rest on his shoulder with a content sigh. It hit something in the pit of his stomach and he bit into his lip feeling a wave of want. They hadn't had sex in a week and Dean was feeling it, really feeling it, and there was nothing more frustrating than needing something you can't have. His eyes shut slowly feeling the need to sleep and felt a flicker of excitement for tomorrow.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"So is Anna back then?" Jo called to Castiel as she tossed a frying pan full of food.

"Yes with husband, Dean Winchester" he shouted and turned to Tessa at his side helping with the ingredients and the plates handing her the rest. "I'm taking him for a drink later"

"Why do I have a sudden crushing fear that it will end very, very badly?" she shouted over to him with a smirk.

"Your lack of faith in me" he said dinging the bell for the waitress and grabbing the next order. It had been a long stressful day and the end was near for him, he couldn't wait for a drink. "It's a drink, nothing more"

"I trust you…is Balthazar still on your case?"

"What do you think?" he said standing by her side grabbing some of the carrots.

"I think I told you that this would bite you on the ass one day and I was right"

"What do you want, an award?"

"No, I want a good night out with you soon so I can prove that he is a lowlife piece of shit who does not and will never deserve you" she said pointing a spatula at him. "You are worth so much more than a quick fuck and you know it, I know you, I know what you really want, and doing him is getting you nowhere"

Castiel swallowed hard moving away from her knowing to a certain extent she was right, Jo was always right. Their shift ended soon after that being replaced by Victor and Becky who grinned at him when she walked in.

"That girl is too happy" he murmured when they grabbed their jackets and checked out.

"She's lovely though" Jo said as they walked out of the back exit and towards their cars. "I'm serious about that night out"

"How about this weekend"

"Deal, shake on it" she said pausing in the middle of the mini car park to shake his hand and squeezed tight. "Bring Dean; I'd like to meet him"

Castiel rolled his eyes getting into his car and driving the long distance home.

Dean twirled Rachel around in a small circle eliciting giggles of delight from her.

"I love dancing"

"You're very good" he said with a wink glancing over to Anna and Kendal watching him from the sofa. He looked up when the front door opened and looked around the door to see Castiel in dirty whites looking tired.

"You look exhausted" he said walking in to greet him.

"I am but we are still having that drink if you have to drag me" he muttered tossing his jacket aside. "Give me fifteen minutes"

Dean looked down at his own outfit, dressing prior earlier in anticipation, and only hoped it was good enough. Anna walked to meet him and wrapped her arms around his waist kissing his neck gently.

"Enjoy and don't get too drunk" she whispered with a smile and stepped away walking into the kitchen for a drink of wine. Dean watched her swaying figure and smiled glancing up at the ceiling waiting ever the patiently for Castiel.

It was such a cliché moment for Dean who looked up the stairs when Castiel walked down them wearing a fitting black shirt open up at the collar showing a peak of chest, fitted jeans to match and shoes. His hair was ruffled and stuck up like he had run his hands through it numerous times or just had sex. Sex-hair. Castiel met his eyes when he stepped off the last step flashing him a knowing smirk.

"Are you ready?"

"S-Sure" he muttered looking away and grabbing his jacket.

"Don't wait up!" he called to the family members around and they stepped out together in the cool night.

"Your car or mine?" Castiel said staring at the impala and his black jaguar.

"Mine" Dean said throwing up his keys and heading towards it.

"She's nice"

"Nice? My baby is not nice, my baby is gorgeous and worth more than that heap of junk you drive"

"Oh" Castiel breathed amused sliding into the passenger seat. "67 impala…I can't say it sends shivers down my spine"

"Do you want me to kick your ass?" Dean said getting in and slamming the door hard.

"Don't insult Dean's car…noted" he said with an amused smile when he glared starting her up and pulling out of the drive.

The drive was short when they arrived outside, Hunters Bar, and stepped inside the smoky bar filled with bunches of people.

"Why are we here?"

"Because it's friendly and cheap" he said sitting down and nodding at Zach who stepped forward.

"What can I get for you?"

"Two whiskeys"

Dean raised an eyebrow surprised sitting down next to him. "Are you always so…"

"So…?"

"Dominating, taking over the control"

"Oh yes" he said with a suggestive smile.

Dean swallowed hard looking away and nodding at the barman who shoved over their drinks. He downed his in one gulp enjoying the sting and burn down his throat, it was like no other. Castiel joined him on that glass and knocked it back.

"So, how did you meet my sister in Canada?"

"Travelling, we met, we got to know each other and it just…happened" he said keeping his eyes downcast. Castiel narrowed his eyes sensing a lie but kept his mouth shut knowing not to push it just yet.

"What about this brother, where is he?"

"Sammy? He's in New York at the minute…he's a hotshot lawyer with an even hotter fiancée living his life to the full. He wasn't really pleased when I told him I got married, I didn't know how to tell him" Dean said with a sad touch to his words.

Castiel noticed and with a sigh gestured at Zach. "The whiskey bottle"

Dean and Castiel ended up away from the bar tucked up in the corner with a bottle of whiskey and two beers between them.

"Anna told me you're chef"

"I told you that yesterday"

"I know but Anna told me first…is it true that chefs end up being alcoholics?"

"I honestly wouldn't know" he said unscrewing the whiskey bottle and tipping it into his mouth. Dean chuckled shaking his head when he put the bottle down with a gasp of pain.

"I'm no alcoholic, I enjoy my work, I enjoy cooking food for people, and I can't see depression for me just yet"

"What about relationships?"

Castiel raised his eyebrows and dropped them with a twist of his mouth. "Non-existent"

"No one at all?"

"There was but not anymore"

"Right"

Castiel paused for thought circling his finger around the rim of his bottle. "What's your story then, Dean?"

"It's long and complicated"

"We're here for some time"

"I don't know you just yet" he said with a small smile.

"Playing hard to get, Dean?" he murmured with a tilt of his head.

"Very hard"

Castiel straightened abruptly startling Dean a little to jolt back a little. "It's good that I love a challenge then"

Dean met his eyes in a challenge before looking away and drinking back his beer feeling the bubbles in his head and veins starting to fizz. The drinks and small stories from childhood were shared between them till Castiel was really starting to feel his drinks while Dean was only halfway there.

"I'm starting to feel something" Castiel murmured slumping down and hitting the table hard with his forehead. Dean chuckled with a shake of his head when Zach looked over to them with disapproval shining in his eyes.

"Get him out of here before he pukes and I _will _charge triple" he warned.

Dean nodded stepping around and pulling a very drunk Castiel's arm over his shoulder as they walked out.

"Where are we going?" Castiel murmured when they stepped outside. "No, no, I need more drinks!"

"You have more and you'll be charged triple for barfing and I am not paying for your sorry ass" Dean murmured dragging him to the car and leaning him against it. "I'm only a little tipsy, I'll drive back"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Dean" he muttered leaning against him with a huff. "Get a taxi and I'll come with you to get the car tomorrow"

"What if someone robs it?"

"That old thing?" Castiel said with a scoff and a loud laugh.

"You may be drunk but it doesn't mean I won't kick your ass"

"Call a taxi" he purred into his ear and leaned back against the car. Dean resisted shivering at the warm air in his ear and pulled out his phone calling for a taxi instead.

"Dean, lie down with me" he said tugging on his hand and dragging him to the side of the road and falling hard on his ass.

"You'll feel that tomorrow" Dean muttered joining him.

"I'm used to pain in my ass" he murmured lying back and smiling at the stars. "Come here"

Dean tried his best not to flush at his words and lie down next to him. "It's stars, Cas"

"Aren't they beautiful" he murmured reaching up a hand like he wanted to catch and touch them. "I love astronomy; I want to fly amongst the stars, the moon, and the galaxies"

"You dream big" Dean muttered looking over to him and trailing his eyes down the pane of his face and turned away feeling guilty.

"I want to fly away from here, I want to go up there and see the world" he whispered with a sad sigh. "I want something more, I want someone to…"

"What?"

Castiel swallowed looking over to him for a long minute till they heard a beep from their taxi and struggled up.

"Come on" he muttered stumbling over to it. Dean watched after him and with a reluctant sigh walked over and joined him. The ride back was silent as Castiel slumped in Dean's lap and fell asleep. He stared down at him shocked and kept two tight fists at his sides watching him sleep soundlessly and without care.

It was up to Dean to pay the taxi and haul him upstairs to his bedroom trying to be silent as possible. Castiel grunted when he was dropped on his bed and Dean took off his shoes tossing them aside and walked to leave. His head turned once to look at him sprawled on his back snoring softly and he bit down hard in his lip before leaving him to sleep it off.

Dean climbed into his bed next to a sleeping Anna curled in on herself. He looked over her delicate features and sighed burying his head into the pillow feeling strange and unusual. To be honest with himself he had no idea what he was feeling and that disturbed him but most of all it disturbed him how much he wanted to get to know Castiel more. It shouldn't feel wrong to get to know your brother in law but it did and he didn't know why.

**A/N: Aw, thank you for the response for this. I love writing this so I'll be sticking to this. Does anyone want anything to happen in this? Any suggestions or whatnot…**


	3. Chapter 3

With Rachel in school, Gabriel rushing to the factory he owned in a wild panic, and Anna and Kendal out shopping for personal time and clothes it was just Dean and Castiel. Dean glanced down at his watch to see it was nearly 11am and he hadn't heard or seen from Castiel all morning. It concerned him since they had been drinking last night and there were stories of people choking on their own vomit and swallowing their own tongue.

"Castiel?" he said knocking gently and listening to the soft creak of a bed spring and a muffled groan. Dean hesitating at first opened the door and peeked into the room to see him sitting up with bleary eyes, tousled hair, and his shirt all the way open. He swallowed hard feeling his mouth dry up at the sight of him, _god, his hair, _and stared at him for a long moment before opening his mouth to speak and freezing when he held up a hand.

"Don't…say…a…word" he said slowly closing his eyes. "Do me a huge favour and get me a strong coffee and a headache tablet? I'll make it up to you"

"Sure" Dean murmured backing up and out of the room to run downstairs and into the kitchen for his coffee and tablet. Castiel looked up from the cradle of his hands were he placed his head to see Dean with a big cup of coffee and a packet of tablets.

"You're my saviour" he murmured taking them both of him and flashing him a small smile. "I didn't do anything inappropriate last night, did I?"

"No" he said carefully sitting down next to him.

"Good, I don't want the wrath of my baby sister today" he muttered popping two tablets in his mouth and swallowing them down with his coffee. "I already feel like shit"

"They've gone shopping, Rachel is in school, and Gabriel in a crisis at work I think" he said watching him closely.

"Work" Castiel said with a soft moan kneading at his forehead. "The thought of food is making me nauseous"

"It'll be alright, Cas" he said offhand and paused when Castiel looked over to him taking a sip of his coffee with a furrowed brow.

"What was that?"

"You…you'll be alright?" he said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, no, the Cas part" he said with a blink of his eyes.

"_Stupid, amazingly beautiful, and biggest blue eyes" _Dean thought and closed his own eyes in complete shame.

"Well, yeah, it's shorter and easier to come out"

"Okay" Castiel murmured with a small smile sipping his drink. "It's too quiet in this bloody house"

"It seem okay to me"

"Because you've been here for a week, Dean, and you don't know" he said looking down at the floor. "We're a large family, there's me, Gabe, Rachel, Anna, and Michael plus mom and dad so this house when we're all together is…electrifying, it's loud, noisy, and I like it. But when Anna is gone like Michael and dad it's so much quieter…Rachel is still loud for the four year old she is, Gabriel tends to stay out fucking pretty women and men and my mom stays in the apartment writing her fifth novel so it's just…too quiet"

Dean didn't know how to reply and simply placed his hand on his back with a sad smile before removing it and sighing.

"I've never had a noisy house, I had my brother, my dad and my mom…" he said and choked at the end stopping.

"Dean?"

"It doesn't matter, I'll leave you to get dressed" he murmured hurriedly heading out of the room in a rush. Castiel frowned deeply straightening up and felt a rush of concern flood through him. He placed the coffee down and went to stand up when a rush of dizziness hit him and he moaned softly swaying.

"I am never, ever, ever, drinking again" he muttered moving to his wardrobe and opening it up to pull on some comfortable clothes. He chose his old Spiderman shirt that was once a prank present but he actually loved it and jeans. Castiel moved out of the room heading downstairs to see Dean sipping from the juice carton.

"It looks like we'll all be sharing your germs" he said looking over to Dean who shrugged.

"You can all enjoy it as well"

Castiel smirked looking around the gleaming kitchen and wondered how his mom kept it this clean. It practically sparkled with cleanliness.

"Nice" Dean commented pointing at his t-shirt. "But Batman is better"

"Spiderman would kick Batman's ass and you know it"

"What, the nerd kid who shoots white sticky come out of his hands?" Dean said with a snort leaning on the counter.

"That's web and batman? He's nothing special but I will give him his special relationship with Robin a nod" he said with a wink.

"He isn't gay!"

"Oh but he is"

"Catwoman"

"_She _is nothing compared to Robin, it's always the sidekick who is the constant, the welcoming arms and he has his own personal parking space in between his thighs"

Dean spluttered at the calm expression Castiel had as he said it. "I don't believe you but I know one thing, Bert and Ernie are gay"

Castiel looked over his shoulder towards him with amusement flashing in his eyes. "I see but still…Spiderman is better than Batman any day"

"No, Batman would kick his ass"

"We're never going to agree, Dean"

"Nope" he said with a small smile. "Just admit defeat"

"Never"

Dean chuckled putting the orange juice away and jingling his keys at him. "Come on, you said you'd come with me to get the car"

Castiel groaned trailing after him and paused. "I'll drive us there and you can follow me back"

"Nope, come on"

"What?"

"I need the walk, come on" he cried over his shoulder to him.

Castiel closed his eyes irritated and with a huff followed after him. Dean slowed down till he reached him and glared at him for a long second.

"It's too early for this, Dean"

"Fresh air will do your hangover good and I'm sick of being cooped up, I've been travelling all over the world and now I'm in between four walls"

"You'll be gone before you know it; you'll be walking up dusty paths in Africa sooner than you know it"

"I don't think we will" Dean muttered shoving his hands into his pockets kicking a stone hard. "Anna wants to stay…for a year, she wants to stay with her family and stop running away"

Castiel opened his mouth and closed it bemused. It was the first time he had heard of it and he glanced over to Dean who had his mouth set in a thin line, his eyes narrowed but light in the morning sun.

"You don't look particularly pleased about that"

"Oh I am I mean if it gets me off a plane then I'm always willing"

"You hate planes?"

"More like the turbulence and the fact I'm in a piece of iron shit 30,000ft in the air and completely dependent on engines and two pilots" he murmured bitterly. "I endure it because I travel but I make sure my baby comes with me"

"It's true that you learn something new every day" Castiel murmured with a hint of humour in his voice. Dean flicked his eyes over to him for a moment before looking away and forward as they continued their walk towards Dean's car. Castiel feels his phone buzz and pulls it out looking at Balthazar's name flashing and sighs.

Dean glanced down at the phone seeing the name. "Who's…Balthazar? What the hell of a name is that?"

"He's no one" he murmured ending the call and pointing at the Impala ahead. "I told you no one would rob it"

"You remember that?"

"Vague memories" he said with a shrug as they headed over to it and got in. Castiel cursed Balthazar for calling and he sighed leaning his head against the cool window. He knew soon enough that he would lose his patience and come looking for him, he wasn't sure if he could resist him face to face.

Dean could see the conflict flicking over his face as he leaned away from him against the glass. It made him curious but he couldn't start asking questions when he was hiding secrets of his own. The drive back was in comfortable silence till they reached the house and Castiel stepped out cracking his back out.

"I need to sleep for a year" he murmured rubbing his forehead.

"Go sleep then"

"Will you wake me at two?"

"Sure" he said with a nod locking her up and watching him walk up to the door and entering. He hummed looking around the drive way and felt a sweep of boredom already. Dean decided to do a little snooping while no one was in and started in the living room. It was spacious with a huge fireplace, a fluffy brown rub in the middle he wanted to fall flat on his face for, a huge sofa and a television he would die for. Along the mantelpiece there were photos he walked over to look at it. Baby photos of Rachel clutching a teddy bear with a big toothy grin, photo of Anna, Gabriel, Castiel, and a guy he guessed was Michael on the sofa together looking much, much younger. There was one of Kendal and a taller man with slicked black hair looking straightforward at the camera with no smile but there was warmth in his eyes for the woman who grinned like a mad woman.

Dean smiled softly moving away and glancing at the books on the table all the same and written by Kendal Milton who was apparently signing them for her fans. He picked it up looking at the woman with her eyes closed in ecstasy while a man sucked on her neck. It was erotica. Dean wrinkled his nose putting it down and moved away heading upstairs. His feet somehow took him outside the door of Castiel which was half open and he heard a muffled voice talking. He knew he shouldn't be listening but he couldn't help it.

"…and I don't care what you want, just get on the plane to Denmark and leave" Castiel murmured down the phone. "No, no, you had your night and that's it, you said you were leaving…then find someone else"

Dean swallowed edging a little bit closer wondering who he was speaking to.

"I don't love you, no I don't, that disappeared a long time ago….yes, yes, the sex is good but I'm not a doll…I always complain you never listen!" he hissed down the phone. "I need sleep…no, I told you and I'm not changing my mind…that's what your right hand is for, you dick"

Castiel ended the call tossing it aside and rolling on his side to shut his eyes and hopefully wake up without a headache or hangover. Dean edged back carefully his mind buzzing with information he didn't know about just yet. He crept down the hallway thankful for no squeaky floorboards and walking into Anna's bedroom sitting down on the bed. Dean knew that the person on the other side of the phone was an ex-boyfriend, it had to be. He huffed out a sigh falling on the bed and looked over to Anna's laptop feeling a need to pass a few hours and reached out grabbing it. It would pass a few hours at least.

The minutes passed as he researched old new articles, read up on stuff he had missed but soon became more than restless. He glanced at the door before straightening up and typing into bar looking for busty asians. He hummed a little when it came on and made a mental note to remove the history otherwise Anna was going to kill and torture him. He skimmed through the contents with a thoughtful hum and unbuttoned the top of his jeans slipping his hand down and feeling the softness growing hard and he moaned softly pressing play to a clip but keeping the volume down.

Castiel sighed awake opening his eyes and wondering what woke him when his stomach rumbled with hunger and pain. His hand reached out and he looked at the four missed calls in distaste before moving off and stretching out feeling bones and muscles creak and stretch into place. It was a groan of satisfaction that escaped his lips and he wondered where Dean was. He stepped out looking up and down and was about to walk downstairs when he heard a soft sound coming from Anna's room.

His curiosity moved him forward and he paused outside before opening the door slowly. Dean who now had his pants down past his thighs moved his hand up and down his cock furiously biting his lip in desperation to keep quiet. Castiel stared at the sight of him in shock and couldn't even breathe. His eyes watched the movement of his hand and at the sight of Dean coming towards orgasmic bliss. It was wrong, so wrong, to watch the man who was his brother in law wanking himself off to what looked like porn on the laptop but he couldn't look away. He was beautiful and the sight was more than arousing.

Dean flexed his hand and gasped squeezing his already closed eyes harder when he heard a gentle knock. His eyes flew open and he gasped looking over to where Castiel was stood watching him amused.

"Fuck!" Dean hissed curling in and away, he moaned into the cover when his orgasm hit unexpectedly from the friction. The come covered his hand and the cover making him feel suddenly tired but most of all embarrassed, ashamed, and furious. He turned his head to see Castiel now gone and waiting outside. Dean scrambled up slamming the lid of the laptop down and zipped up pausing at the end of the bed.

"What the hell, Cas?!" he shouted heading to the door to see Castiel come into view with amusement buzzing in his blue eyes.

"I, um, I came to see if you wanted a bacon and sausage sandwich but…I see you were attending to your own personal…sausage" he said with a calm expression. "I'm sorry for interrupting cooking time"

Dean choked shaking his head and rubbed a hand over his stubble. "Look, this is embarrassing enough, just…can we forgot this ever happened?"

"Interrupting masturbation happens to everyone, Dean, and believe me…I've had a fair share of people walking in on me" he said with an eye roll heading downstairs. "But you do put on a good show; my sister must adore you in bed"

Dean raised an eyebrow and went to disagree but kept it at bay as he followed him down into the kitchen.

"I thought you were asleep"

"My hunger woke me" he said moving to the fridge. "Sit, I'll show you a real bacon and sausage sandwich that you have never tasted before"

Dean sat down watching him get to work and felt his heart beat slow down a fraction and the stickiness in his pants and his hand caused some discomfort. He moved to wash his hand in the sink when he felt Castiel move past him a hand travelling over his lower back causing him to jump and stare at him.

"What?" he said looking at Dean innocently.

"Nothing" he murmured moving away to dry his hands and sit down in his seat again. Castiel walked over fifteen minutes later sliding over his plate and nodded.

"Eat, you've worked up an appetite" he said with a smirk.

Dean glared for a moment before biting in into the sandwich and stopping to moan in appreciation.

"Holy shit…" he murmured looking at Castiel with wide eyes that beamed at him.

"Is it good?"

"Cas, this is…" he said with another moan that sent a shiver of delight through Castiel. He had always enjoyed the praise and appreciation of people who liked his food. Dean ate it all up and leaned back with a great sigh of delight.

"I loved it"

"Good"

Castiel took away his plate putting it in the sink when the front door opened. Kendal and Anna walked in and he watched as Dean jumped up and kissed her in welcome.

"Miss me?" she murmured with a smile. "I have a little surprise for you"

"Oh really" he murmured kissing her again.

Castiel averted his eyes away from the scene and pushed off walking by and smiling a little at Anna and Kendal.

"You look rough darling" Kendal said when she noticed him.

"I feel it" he muttered looking at the bags pooled at their feet.

"I'm going to the apartment, do you need it?"

"No, feel free"

Castiel took off to the door and felt eyes on him, he knew it was Dean but he didn't look back as he headed out. He decided against work still feeling like shit so called in sick, Becky would cover him. Dean was watching him and he swallowed looking at Anna collecting her bags and heading upstairs.

"Are you okay?" Kendal said softly looking at Dean.

"Yeah, I'm okay" he murmured with a smile following her up and plonking down on the bed. Anna pulled out black underwear and raised a slim eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"I think they're good, really good"

"I also bought this…" she said animatedly while he drifted away and wondered what Castiel would be doing all alone in that apartment. He excused himself for a moment to change out of the crusted underwear and into more comfy clothing. Dean occupied his time with Anna who modelled for him to his enjoyment but he found his attention waning. Kendal soon returned with Rachel who came screaming into Anna's room climbing up her for attention wanting to play hide and seek.

Dean moved out heading downstairs to see where Castiel was and headed outside. He paused seeing an unknown car parked in the corner; Dean headed over to the apartment to see lights on and peered in to see Castiel with his back towards him. He moved over to the open window feeling like a creep but didn't want to disturb when he heard voices.

"I asked you here to sort this out once and for all because I am sick of the phone calls"

"Darling, you know that I _love _when you play hard to get"

Dean cringed a little at the slight british accent and moved closer wanting to hear more.

"I am not playing hard to get, you had your night that you asked for but that's it, I'm done" Castiel said looking at Balthazar who nodded once on the sofa drumming his fingers down on the soft cushion.

"How long before you come crawling back to me?"

"I won't need to come crawling back to you"

"Cassy, sweetheart, we've done this over and over again and it always happens" he said with a soft sigh. "It's just sex, good sex, and we are more than perfect for one another"

"No, that's where you're wrong" Castiel argued. "I should have never agreed to this, you ruined it, you cheated, and I took you back like a helpless dog because I craved you"

"I can fix it…"

"You can't, I want you to get out, get on the plane to Denmark and find a new toy" he said turning his back on him. "I don't want to be used by you anymore"

Balthazar clucked his tongue against his teeth and moved over gripping his shoulders and bringing him back against his chest.

"I believe you" he whispered kissing behind his ear. "Fine, I'll go but give me something before I leave"

"What?"

"This"

Dean moved his head but couldn't quite see past the curtain half covering the window but could see a dark blonde head kissing him hard and passionately. He gaped never seeing another man kissing a man like this before.

Castiel allowed it for a moment before shoving him back licking his bottom lip.

"Go away now"

"You say that but look at you" he said watching the rise of his chest and at the swelling erection in his pants. "You speak volumes, sweetheart"

"I said…go away now" he ordered turning his head away and hearing him sigh dramatically before leaving. Dean hid against the apartment in the shadows when the stranger burst out heading to his car. He couldn't quite see his face and he didn't know his name either but it was someone more than close to Castiel.

Dean paused for a few long minutes waiting beside the apartment before moving to the door and knocking lightly. Castiel looked up at the door and opened it blinking in surprise.

"Dean, why are you here?"

"There's only so much female company I can take" he said with a smile. "Can I…"

"Yes" he said allowing him in and looking out to see the car gone. "I could do with good company"

Dean raised an eyebrow heading over to the cabinet with whiskey in and pouring a glass.

"Want one?"

"Yes" Castiel said sitting on the couch and watched silently when Dean came over handing him a glass. They sat in silence for a minute before Castiel turned looking over to him cross legged sipping his drink.

"Are you up for telling me your life story yet?"

"Like I said yesterday, I hardly know you"

"Come on, I'll share if you do…I've already saw you in a…intimate position"

"I thought I told you to forget that"

Castiel hummed into the glass and licked his lips. "We're brothers now; we should get to know each other"

"Give me a few more weeks of knowing you and I'll tell you"

"Why?"

"What's the point in spoiling all the fun?" Dean muttered knocking it back with a hiss and looked into his eyes. Castiel looked away first down to his hands.

"Deal" he said with raising glass and knocking it back. With Balthazar gone for now he could feel his body starting to relax and he was enjoying Dean's company. It was different and he could see a friendship already there. It was nice, for now.

**A/N: Ha, you guys seem to like this, right? I love writing this. It's really fun. **


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel was sitting on his bed lost in a Stephen King book, The Shining, and felt a chill run up his spine. The silence wasn't helping as he turned the page over slowly and froze at the creak he heard in the hallway. No one was in at the moment with Kendal, Anna, Dean, and Rachel out for dinner while Gabriel was at the office having his cock sucked no doubt. His lips pressed together in a tight line and he looked down at the book again resuming reading. Castiel wasn't all that keen on horror but with his mom persuading him to read Stephen King just once here he was in his bedroom, all alone, reading a horror book. He had seen the film and it freaked him out but the book was even worse.

The creak sounded again and he closed the door with a snap edging off the bed and grabbing the hidden baseball bat under his bed. Castiel could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he bit down into his lip moving towards the bedroom door and peeked around. There was no one down each of the corridor and he cursed the damn floorboards and pipes underneath them. Castiel sighed shifting and turning back when he heard a loud creak and turned to see a figure blur coming towards him.

"Here's Johnny!"

Castiel yelped in fear backing away and swinging the bat hard catching the person's shoulder.

"Ouch! Castiel!"

"Gabriel!" Castiel shouted shoving him hard in the chest feeling his heart beat painfully in his rib cage. He hadn't felt fear like it in a while and he breathed out throwing the bat down and scolding him with a death stare. "You stupid, fucking, imbecile, Gabriel, you scared me the shit out of me"

"I couldn't resist" Gabriel muttered with a loud laugh rubbing his now sore shoulder. "That really hurt"

"You have no remorse from me" he hissed clutching his hair and sighing out in pure relief. "This is why I hate Stephen King and older brothers, they're pure dicks"

"Oh you're such a baby, I need a cigarette, do you have one?"

"No" he said with a deep scowl moving over to grab the book and flop down on the bed.

"Please" Gabriel pleaded looking around his room. "I can't be bothered going to get some when my baby brother has them"

"That little act has just lost you anything" he muttered reopening the book. "I thought you were out"

"I was, I came back"

"Your assistants mouth no longer good enough?"

"Shut up, where's the rest of the Brady bunch?"

"Food and milkshakes" he murmured.

Gabriel rolled his eyes moving over to look out of the window. "They've been here for two weeks now; I see you and Dean are close"

"He's good company unlike you"

"I will always be the best and aha!" he called picking up a packet of cigarettes. "I can't relate to him at all"

"Well you don't have to worry about that now do you?"

Gabriel hummed around the cigarette lighting it and blowing away the smoke.

"So, what's he really like?"

Castiel sighed closing the book and shrugging a shoulder up and down. "He's…Dean, I've only known him for these two weeks and from what I've learnt…he's strong willed, he loves adventure, travel, he hates planes, he loves his little brother more than anything in the world, he has a secret involving his family and…Anna, the whole marriage, we haven't learnt the whole truth"

Gabriel frowned deeply confused and sat down in the chair near his writing table.

"Seriously, I thought they married in lust, bond, and all those shitty feelings"

"Apparently so but I think there is something hidden along the lines…he likes beer, whiskey, pie and burgers like any man and he's a good friend for our sister's husband"

Gabriel narrowed his eyes looking over to him and nodded slowly. "I see…"

"What?"

"Nothing, I need a drink do you want one?"

"No" Castiel said watching him leave and opened the book once again wanting to lose himself in the book again.

Gabriel saw more than he liked to when Castiel spoke about Dean. There was a little twinkle in his eyes and it made him pause for thought, he didn't like the thought, and the thought made him uneasy enough to want to forget all about it. So he did. Gabriel poured himself a stiff vodka and sat back turning on the television wanting to catch up on Buffy.

Dean drummed a hand on the table feeling a little restless and smiled softly when Anna looked over to him.

"You look restless"

"I feel it"

"Are you bored?"

"No, no, just…tired" he said softy.

Anna nodded in agreement leaning over and kissing him softly. Dean leaned in cupping the back of his skull and tasting the strawberry of her milkshake.

"You taste nice" he murmured pulling away from her.

"We can leave soon and you can return to play cars with my brother"

"Oh shut up, he's better than Gabriel"

"I'll give you that" she said with a smile looking to Kendal cleaning up Rachel covered in chocolate and strawberry. "Are you two ready?"

"Yeah, come on sweetheart" Kendal said gripping Rachel's hand as they moved out of the restaurant and headed home. They arrived home ten minutes later and while they busied themselves with Rachel, Dean walked upstairs looking for Castiel. He knocked lightly on the door and smirked when Castiel cried out holding his book up in defence. Castiel visibly relaxed when he caught sight of Dean leaning against the door.

"Scary book?"

"Just a little bit" he murmured shutting it over and leaning against his headboard. "Are you all back?"

"Yeah, it was an adventure of crap burgers, shit beer, and strawberry ice cream"

"Welcome back to America"

"Oh take back to me back to Australia" he murmured walking over and dropping on the bed. "We've been speaking about that…"

"Oh? What did she say?" Castiel said cocking his head slightly.

"That she wants to live here for a year, she's going to get a job and she wants me to get a job and we're going to live here in this house"

Castiel could sense the disapproval off him and moved over to the side sitting next to him.

"You're married to my sister now and what she says goes, and I'm sure you know that"

Dean huffed softly glancing over to him. "I need a drink, or two, can we get out of here?"

"I have work at 8am"

"You're no fun" Dean murmured leaning over and snatching up his book. "This film was shit"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it wasn't scary" Dean muttered with a small smile handing it back to him. "I've seen better films then this shit"

Castiel smiled looking down at his hands and sighed deeply. "Come on then, I've been sitting here too long"

"Really?"

"I'd rather go to sleep with alcohol in my system after this book" he said standing up and pulling on a jacket. "Well come on then"

Dean grinned at him hopping up and following him out as they walked downstairs only to feel eyes on his back. He looked over to see Gabriel leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom with a thoughtful expression.

"Deano" he said with a salute.

"Gabriel" he muttered in reply walking the rest of the way downstairs and smiled warmly at Anna who shot them both a questioning look.

"We're getting out of here for a little bit" he said kissing the corner of her mouth.

"But we've only just got back, you were restless" she said confused looking over to Castiel who shrugged popping a cigarette into his mouth. "Fine, don't be back too late"

"Thanks, mom" Castiel said sarcastically heading out the door. Anna rolled her eyes at him kissing him hard and letting go. Dean followed Castiel out to his car inhaling deeply the smell of his cigarettes and gripped his shoulder bringing him back. Castiel grunted stumbling back and looking up into the dark to see Dean pulling the cigarette out of his hand.

"So forceful" he murmured watching him inhale and blowing out hard into the cool night air. Castiel felt his cock twitch in interest at the single action and looked down in surprised horror at the betrayal. It wasn't allowed to do that and certainly not with Dean.

"You're evil" Dean murmured shaking his head slowly. "I quit for a reason and look at you tempting me"

"I apologise, it wasn't part of my plan to…tempt you" he said with a small smirk taking the cigarette back off him. "Come on, I need a vodka shot"

Half an hour later they found themselves in a small bar in town lit up with blue and purple lights. It was littered with woman showing off cleavage to men with big wallets and small dicks. They ordered a selection of drinks and stood near the bar drinking away.

"Cas, can I ask you something?" Dean said knocking back his whiskey.

"Yes"

"Have…have you always known you were gay?"

Castiel blinked surprised at the question settling into his seat and shook his head. "No, I was straight in high school and had a few sexual experiences with women, my last one was the worst I have ever had and after that…I decided to experiment"

"You experimented?"

"Only for a little bit until I knew what I wanted and I've never looked back…have you always been straight, Dean?"

"Yeah" he said with a nod looking down at his drink.

Castiel hummed amused reaching for another drink. "Why did you ask?"

"Curiosity" he muttered meeting his eyes. "What about Gabriel?"

"Gabriel isn't fussed in the slightest, if it's a woman or a man as long as they're pretty, young, and willing. He calls me a whore but he's the biggest of them all" he said with a snort. "I had a rather unpleasant experience of walking into his office one day to see him covered in cream and chocolate with two girls licking him down"

Dean recoiled in horror and chuckled into his drink. "Wow"

"I know" he muttered swirling the liquid around. "Michael, you haven't met him yet, is very different. He's more serious and likes women and woman only. He dates the wrong ones though, the young and the ones fucking him for his money and charm"

"What did I marry into?"

Castiel let out a huff of laughter at the expression on his face. "You'll slowly begin to respect us and even one day love us"

Dean raised his eyebrows glancing over to the bar to see the dozens of people dotted around sipping drinks and talking. He turned his head and froze when a man around their age with short light brown hair, dark brown eyes and a good looking face slid up to Castiel.

Castiel turned to look over his shoulder and hummed looking him up and down. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, your name" he said in a cool voice.

"Castiel, and you are?"

"Jack, I noticed you and your friend here…are you…?"

"This is Dean, my…brother in law" he said with a small smile looking back over to him. "Am I giving off some sort of gay vibe?"

"I was hoping so a little tiny bit" he muttered trailing his dark eyes down his face with certain want flashing in his eyes.

Dean watched between them feeling suddenly uncomfortable but couldn't look away.

"No wedding ring, are you…?"

"Single, yes, but whatever you're thinking…do you really think I'm going to leave him behind while we go somewhere to…well…" he said with a blink.

"Well a guy can hope" he murmured shifting closer to him. "He's a grown man, isn't he?"

"Yes, clever observation, Jack, but I'm not going to leave him"

Dean glanced at Castiel a little stunned and looked down at the empty glass feeling something in his stomach twist and he turned his head hiding a smile.

"I'd only be for half an hour"

Castiel rolled his eyes amused sipping his drink and humming thoughtfully. "You don't give up, do you?"

"I see something I like, you do realise you're gorgeous"

"Thank you but…" he said but was cut off when lips descended on his in a soft kiss. Castiel made a soft of protest before giving it a shot and moving his lips against Jack's. The kiss edged deeper when Jack trailed his lips across the seam of his bottom lip and pushed inside his mouth. Castiel tasted cheap beer and the faint traces of peanuts which made him want to gag but the man was a good kisser.

Dean dared a glance over to him and felt another sharp twist to his stomach, the feeling was uncomfortable and he wasn't sure what it was. It wasn't disgust or horror because it didn't bother him but the feeling wouldn't fade when he watched Castiel kiss this stranger.

Castiel pulled away sucking in a sharp breath. "Well…"

"Twenty minutes?"

"No, that was a good kiss but I'm not about to leave him for a quick fuck or blowjob in a toilet" he said with a nod sliding closer to Dean. Dean met his eyes while Jack huffed and flounced away from the pair of them.

"Do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Kiss strange men in bars"

"No, that was a first in a long time and I was violated"

"You kissed him back" Dean said quickly.

"I was curious, he tasted like peanuts and cheap beer…it's not nice" he murmured into his ear. "Are you trying to tell me a woman has never involuntary kissed you in a bar before?"

"Well…" he said and smirked at him when his blue eyes flashed at him in amusement. "Not quite like that"

"Don't put it down till you try it"

"I can't, I'm a married man now"

Castiel nodded slowly and beckoned the bartender over for more drinks. "I know"

Dean turned his head at the sad tone to his voice but saw none when he turned his head to look at him once again. "What?"

"Nothing, you're just…odd"

"Why do you say that?"

"I think I have you figured out and then you do something like this and I'm confused all over again. You're like a puzzle wrapped in an enigma"

"So are you, Dean, I feel like I still barely know you"

"Isn't that what time is for?"

"Yes but it can still get a little boring wondering what is going on around you that you don't know about" he said sliding the beer over to him. "Drink"

The drinks were drunk and soon Castiel was dragging him outside to one of the benches for a smoke. They were both feeling a little tipsy for words when Castiel handed him one and lit it for him.

"You look good with a cigarette in your mouth" Castiel murmured.

"If I cough up my lung, I blame you"

"Tell me some facts about you, Dean" he said leaning his palm into his hand. "Little things I shouldn't know but I'm going to know"

"Alright, I lost my virginity when I was fifteen to a girl called Susan who was nineteen…she had experience" he said with a small chuckle. "I flunked high school, my exams, my grades, I couldn't care less, I didn't have…I didn't have the best childhood in the world but I had my brother so I was okay, I hate apples but I love pie, pie is my god, and you can take all that fucked up pop music and replace it all with real rock any day"

Dean shrugged his shoulders inhaling the cigarette and coughing a little. Castiel felt his lips turn up in a smile he couldn't hold back and felt his heart flutter a little in his chest.

"Any more little facts?"

"Hundreds, thousands"

"Tell me" Castiel murmured softly.

"The first time I tasted pie was when I was three years old, my…my mom cut me a tiny slice of apple pie and I fell in love. I had a teddy bear, it was a tatty, worn out, blue bear that belonged to my mom when she was a baby and I loved it, I adored it even and one day I took him to the park and I left him there…I took one hell of a fit, I wanted him back so my mom went out looking for him…she was gone for hours, and dad was swearing they would buy me a new one but the thought of a new one was just…she came back about three hours later holding this sandy, muddy, and ruined teddy bear" Dean said eyes misting from the memory. "She did that for me, she searched all that time for one stupid teddy bear and that's the only real memory I have that young"

Castiel couldn't help but stare at him unashamedly seeing the love and devotion Dean held for this woman, his mom, but there was such an underlining sadness dwelling deep in his eyes.

"She sounds wonderful"

"She was, she was my mom and Sammy's…" he said trailing off with an awkward cough. "Where was I? Um, my dream job was to be a cowboy, I love cars, I can be in a garage for hours working on a car that no one would ever dream of seeing on the road again and I guarantee I will get it running again"

"Well you have a job, there's an old guy about fifteen minutes away bit of the town drunk but he has a salvage yard you would love"

"Oh" Dean murmured looking up and bringing the cigarette into his mouth once again. "I'll see about that"

"I feel like I know you more now"

Dean chuckled stubbing it out and gesturing at him. "Your turn"

"Little facts about me, I didn't lose my virginity till I was twenty one"

"Fuck off"

"I'm serious, it was a drunken mistake with a girl I met at a party and it started from there" he said with a hidden smile. "I should have started with boys first but of course we are brought up to be with a girl, have babies, and get a dog. I don't regret my decision to change because it brought to better things, meeting new people, and hopefully one day finding a better match. I had a reasonable childhood with a mom and a dad who loved me and brothers who tormented me rotten because I was the baby until Anna arrived" he said looking into Dean's eyes. "I'm not overly keen on sweet things, I don't approve of chocolate much because it hurts my teeth, and I'd rather have something savoury or salty, I never had a childhood toy because they were always stolen or taken away and I had a fish called carrot but Gabriel killed it when he took it out and put it on my pillow"

Dean gawped shocked and closed it not quite knowing what to say. "Wow…that's cold"

"He was a child and he nicknamed himself the trickster of all tricksters" he said with a shake of his head. "My childhood friend was my second cousin, Uriel, and he was the funniest person I knew…until when I was in the ninth grade and a car struck him…he died of his injuries"

"Holy shit" he breathed in horror. "Cas, I'm so sorry"

"It was rather difficult to process, I didn't understand death all that well" he said dragging his nail over the wood. "Life's like that"

Dean swallowed hard feeling a sadness creep over him and he watched Castiel trail his fingernail up and down the wood. Castiel felt the tension and smiled sadly.

"I seem to have dampened the mood, I apologise, Dean"

"No, no, it's fine" he said shaking his head and meeting his eyes. "You're right I feel like I know you a little bit more"

"But not enough"

Dean nodded slamming his hands down and peering up at the sky. "Fancy stargazing again?"

"Where"

"Anywhere, come on"

Castiel watched him bemused seeing the edge of his vision waver from alcohol and stood up joining him as they went for a walk. They soon found a top of a hill and collapsed on the dewy grass staring up at the sky littered with stars and wisps of clouds.

"Still want to fly?" Dean murmured breathing cold air upwards.

"Yes, do you believe in aliens?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Have you ever heard or seen of a spaceship of aliens coming to earth?"

"No but that doesn't mean they don't exist…do you honestly believe we are only the species in the entire universe" he said gesturing up at the sky. "Up there, those stars are dead and are burning still"

"I don't know what to believe but until a little alien knocks on my door with pie and a "hello" there's no such thing" he muttered with a scoff. Castiel chuckled amused glancing over to him.

"You're a have to see it to believe it kind of guy aren't you, Dean?"

"Yep"

"You need more faith in these kinds of things, Dean"

"Shut up" he said nudging him in the ribs. "I'll believe what I want to believe"

"What do you believe?" Castiel whispered turning his head to look at the side of his face.

"I-I honestly don't know but I'll tell you one thing…I lost my faith in anything to with…God or that shit a long time ago when I was just a child" he said tipping his head to look over and meet his eyes. "He doesn't care if he even exists, and he never will"

"Why did you lose it?"

"Another time" Dean responded quickly with a sniff. "There's plenty of time for that"

Castiel was secretly desperate to know that little secret buried deep inside of him and he sighed closing his eyes. He felt a gentle flutter on his face and opened his eyes to see Dean leaning over him sprinkling grass into his face.

"Stop it" he said grabbing a bunch of own grass and throwing it into his face.

"Oh it's on" Dean murmured yanking more up and tossing it into Castiel's hair and face. The grass fight ended in Castiel pushing at Dean's shoulders till he fell back and with a cry they rolled down the hill till they landed at the bottom bruised, muddy, and full of grass. Short gasps escaped their mouths and Castiel landed on his back staring up at Dean sprawled on top of him. Green eyes met blue and he stared down feeling his heartbeat increase as he stared at him. Castiel could Dean's warm breath touch his lips and he pressed his own lips together curious and a course of feelings warmed his heart to the point of burning.

"Um, sorry" Dean murmured shoving off him and falling on his ass hard. Castiel pushed up shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

"It's okay, I haven't done that in a while and I'm sure I'll feel it tomorrow" he said touching his lower back. He pushed up holding out his hand for Dean who took it and stood up breathing hard and avoiding his eyes.

"Come on, we better get back"

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Good night?" Anna mumbled from the pillow when he climbed in.

"The best in a while" he muttered getting comfortable and felt his thoughts run over the night, the kiss Castiel shared with the man, their talks, the grass fight at the end like two teenagers and it made his heart practically glow. His eyes squeezed shut and he turned away feeling conflicted and more than confused. Denial was the only thing he had right now staring up at the semi dark ceiling and it scared him, really scared him over what was happening inside him.

Castiel sat leaning against the headboard twirling a piece of grass between his fingers and glared at it for a moment chucking it aside. It was a good night, a really good night, apart from the inopportune kiss that wasn't meant to happen with another man, and he didn't want it to end. His eyes went to the wall were Anna and Dean were now sleeping or doing something worse in silence. The guilt kept him awake but he couldn't deny it any longer because liking someone was something but attraction was even worse.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! **


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay, moody ass, tell me what's going on right now" Jo said stealing a carrot from his dinner munching softly. "You've been acting odd all week…is this about Anna and Dean?"

"Why do you say that?"

"It was a suggestion; it's not Balthazar is it?"

"No, no, he's gone, he's flown to Denmark finally" he murmured popping a piece of chicken into his mouth glancing at the clock. They had fifteen minutes before they had to return to work preparing the evening meals.

"Well what is it? Why can't I meet him yet? I'm keeping you to that night out still since you keep cancelling on me" she said bitterly stealing another carrot. "Come on, Castiel, tell me"

Castiel sighed pushing the plate away and bringing his soda towards him. "It's complicated"

"Bring it on"

"But it's also difficult to explain…"

"Oh just tell me! Who am I going to tell apart from Tessa or Victor who only care about themselves"

"Have you ever liked someone you shouldn't? Like falling for someone you shouldn't have even if there with someone else or just because it's…wrong?"

Jo hummed thoughtfully tapping her finger against her bottom lip. "No, the last one was Marcus and well you remember him"

"Why did that end again?"

"He still loved his ex, messy business, and I didn't want to be involved" she said with a soft snort. "So you like someone who you shouldn't like?"

"I'm attracted to…said person and I really, really, shouldn't be" he said running a hand over his eyes. "It's wrong on so many levels but it's getting more and more like I don't care anymore. What's right and what's wrong these days?"

Jo opened her mouth to speak visibly confused when the door opened. "Guys, come on"

"Coming, Tessa" she called back to her and looked back to Castiel. "We're going to speak more about this, who is he?"

"No one" he muttered getting up and heading towards the kitchen leaving Jo to puzzle over his words. They made little sense and she was more curious about who this person was. Jo soon joined him and glanced over to his station where he was chopping up peppers at a mile per minute. He always lost himself in his work when he was in a mood or something was on his mind and she never liked to disturb him like that. She didn't particularly want a vegetable knife thrown at her head for her nosiness. They went out their own business preparing the meals for tonight and eventually got a half an hour break. Jo froze where she was sipping her water and watching Castiel wander to the back for a smoke.

"Are you going to explain what you meant then?" she said dropping next to him wrinkling her nose when he blew smoke in her direction.

"No"

"I thought we were friends, good friends, and I tell you everything, you ass" she said with a scowl gulping down her water. "I won't tell anyone"

"You've already said that"

"Who is he?"

"He's no one" he muttered grimly looking up at the blue sky and wishing he could be in the sun instead of indoors cooking. "Tonight"

"What?"

"Tonight for that night out, it's a Friday and I fancy getting very, very, drunk so do you fancy it?" he said looking over to her.

"If you bring Dean, I want to meet him and you tell me who he is" she said holding her hand out. Castiel knew Jo was bright; she was very clever but sometimes missed what was right in front of her.

"Okay" he said shaking her hand and tossing the cigarette away. Jo smiled smugly pulling out a stick of gum and handing one to him.

"Four more hours" she said with a smile heading back inside. Castiel let his head fall back against the stone wall with a soft thump ignoring the ache that spread across the back of his skull. It was his own personal choice that Castiel had chosen to ignore and avoid Dean all week by making excuses when he came to see him. It was either he was tired, he wanted to be alone, he was going out, or anything that made Dean look a little more wounded every time tearing at something deep inside Castiel. His attraction towards Dean wasn't fading or going anywhere anytime fast and was instead strengthening enough that it repulsed him when he kissed Anna or they got a little too friendly in front of him. His mind wandered sometimes wondering what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of that and more. Then his mind and heart would remind him he was fascinating over his sister's husband and the guilt would flare up like a beacon.

His hand reached down for his phone and he pulled it out going through his contacts to Dean's number and texting him.

**Plans for tonight? C. **

The response was quick and he looked down to see the new message.

**Anna is meeting up with old friends, why? D.**

**Fancy coming out with myself and a friend of mine from work, Jo. C.**

**Sure. D.**

Castiel nodded pocketing his phone and walking back inside to finish his shift.

"You're going out, again?" Anna said with a small huff when Dean told her the news. "You keep going out and getting drunk, Dean"

"What else is there to do?"

"Find a job, spend some time with me"

"You're going out tonight!" he protested watching her streak eye shadow over her eyelids. "I'd really rather not watch another film with your mother"

"Fine" she said looking at his reflection in the mirror. "I'm glad you've bonded with Castiel though, I knew you would"

Dean hummed in agreement dropping down on the bed and personally thought the same despite the fact he had been ignoring and avoiding him. It bothered him a lot more than he thought and he had previously wondered maybe it was due to the fact he had found someone else to drag along with him. He shook the thought away glancing at Anna applying lipstick and held still when she came towards him.

"I just realised we have an empty house" she said climbing onto his lip and catching his mouth in a kiss. Dean tasted her lipstick and pulled back with a grimace while she giggled wiping his mouth with a towel.

"I can't see you as a cross dresser" she murmured reclaiming his mouth. Dean hummed underneath her trailing his hands down her back ignoring the tickle in the back of his mind. Anna moaned softly pushing him down into the bed and he grunted under her weight for a moment fumbling with his hands.

"Anna!" Gabriel called upstairs startling them both and the relief Dean felt was surprising and concerning. Anna sighed loudly glancing down at him and shrugged her shoulders.

"Stupid older brothers"

"Yeah" Dean muttered pushing up and watching her leave. His brow furrowed in confusion at his own feelings, he knew he should have been more than willing to have sex with Anna since it had been too long but now it just felt…strange. His eyes shot down to his flaccid cock and it worried him enough already. If he didn't get sex soon he was scared it was going to drop off with lack of action.

"Gabe, I haven't touched your bloody Buffy collection!" Anna screamed from downstairs. Dean rolled his eyes knowing it was going to be another blood bath; the pair of them had been having little fights all week. Dean moved downstairs catching Anna in time to see her looking furious and a little bewildered.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, just Gabriel acting like a mad man because one of his box-sets have gone missing"

"It was probably Rachel"

"She is a little monkey" she said with a small smile kissing his cheek and walking upstairs to continue getting ready for her own night out.

"Was it you, Deano?!" Gabriel shouted marching towards him. "Season 3 is gone!"

"Dude, why would I even want to touch your DVD's? I don't even like Buffy, it's over now, get over it"

"I'm going to ignore you said that, you dick, it's not over till I say it's over!" he said with murderous intent in his eyes stalking away from him in a hunt for his beloved box-set. Dean sighed out dragging his hands into his hair and decided to get out of the house for a breather. He stood outside breathing in the fresh air when he decided to call the one person he actually wanted to talk.

"Sammy" he said in greeting when he answered.

"Dean, I was going to call you tonight but you beat me to it"

"As always"

"I still haven't forgiven you, you know, how could you get married?!"

"Yes you have and I told you, Sam, it just happened"

"I haven't even met her"

"Oh and how long did I meet Jess for?"

"An hour but still Dean…" Sam argued back.

"Look, listen to me, it happened and I'm married to her and stuck with her family while you are living your life to the full with your fiancée"

"We chose out lives…I just, I wish you told me first before you went and jumped into it"

"It was short notice and a bit of a whim idea" he murmured walking around the yard. "The family is nice enough, nice mother, and her brothers are okay, well one of them"

"Who?"

"His name is Castiel, well, Cas, but he's great, really great, and I've only known him for three weeks"

"Well at least you're not on your own, I'd be there if I could but with planning our wedding, my case…I can't"

"Don't worry, Sam, I know, I'll come up and see you both soon since we're planning to stick in good old America"

"Seriously? That's great!"

Dean hummed raising an eyebrow not quite wanting to believe that just yet. The rumble of an engine startled him and he turned to see Castiel's car coming up the drive and smiled softly.

"I gotta go, Sam, I'll give you a call in the week" he said and ended the call. "Hey"

Castiel smiled softly at him in greeting stepping out and closing the door. "Why are you out here?"

"Anna is getting ready and Gabriel is tearing the house apart because his beloved Buffy season 3 DVD's are missing"

"Well that means world war three will soon commence, no one gets between my brother and his show, no one" he said with a snort of amusement.

"Are you sure about tonight?"

"Why would I not be sure?" he said heading to the front door.

_Maybe because you've been ignoring me like a jackass! _Dean thought as they headed inside. Gabriel stormed in and stopped in front of them pointing a finger into Castiel's face.

"Have you stolen them?!"

"No, Gabriel, Dean told me and you've most probably misplaced them" he said tossing his jacket and keys on the side.

"Why can't I be sure this is revenge for the shining incident?"

"I am not that shallow enough, Gabe, now leave me alone" he muttered heading upstairs. Dean shrugged at Gabriel who growled in annoyance stalking away while Dean headed upstairs pausing on the landing. His eyes went to his bedroom and over to Castiel's and he headed over to the one he wanted to.

Castiel lay on his back with his eyes feeling tension buzzing underneath his skin he was desperate to release. His eyes opened and he lifted his head to see Dean in his doorway looking sheepish. Castiel sighed softly looking over him and craved more than anything right now to drag him into the bedroom and show him exactly what he was feeling.

"May I help you?"

"Funny, you look…tired"

"I am, I had to prepare three courses for a family of twelve who were picky, had a screaming baby, and three of them were vegetarians" he said in despair covering his eyes. Dean chuckled stepping in and picking up, The Shining, and gestured at it.

"Have you finished it?"

"Yes, I hate Stephen King and everything he stands for" Castiel said staring at the front cover in disgust. "I hate horror"

"You should read Pet Sematary" he said with a grin.

"No"

"I didn't think you would be afraid of words" Dean said struggling to keep down his smile.

"Have you read it?"

"Nope"

"Get reading, smartass" Castiel muttered smacking the book into his eyes with a challenge in his eyes. "Let's see how scared you are when you come running to me in the middle of the night to tell me I'm right"

"I don't think that's why I'd come running" he murmured opening it up.

"What does that mean?"

Dean blinked looking up sharply and shook his head. "Nothing, I-I, I'll see how Anna is doing"

Castiel pushed up slowly watching him take off out of the room and narrowed his eyes in contemplation. It was frustrating more than anything and he snapped jumping up and slamming the bedroom door. The sound was loud and sharp in his ears and he enjoyed the rush that came after it. Slamming a door was final and he moved towards his bed falling down face forwards. The pain hit him when he landed on his nose and chin, he quickly realised why people do not do this and groaned facing to look at his cream coloured wall.

"Have you and Castiel had a fight?" Anna said in concern when he walked in.

"What? No, no, why-why do you say that?"

"Well he slammed his door and he only does that when he's angry or frustrated" she said looking down the hallway and back up to Dean. "Is he okay? I've tried speaking with him but he keeps closing me out…has he said anything to you?"

"I don't know, really, I think he's struggling a little at work but apart from that" he said casually stroking a hand into her hair smelling apricots. It reminded him of yoghurt. Anna tilted her head into his touch with a soft content sigh but his eyes moved away from her to back down the hall.

"What's this?" Anna said pulling his hand up to look at the book. "Dean, you can't be serious"

"Cas told me to read it, so I am"

"Well better you then me" she said with a baffled look moving away to continue with her hair. "You don't mind if I stay out do you?"

"I'm not your mom, Anna" he said in a teasing tone sitting on the edge of the bed watching her. "Who will you be staying with?"

"Katie, she wants an all-night catch up and I'd rather stay than come home hammered" she said looking at herself and turning to face him. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful" he said honestly looking her up and down. Anna beamed moving into kiss him softly and grabbed her purse.

"You enjoy yourself tonight as well" she said waving her fingers at him and leaving out of the room. Dean smiled once and let it fall when she left to meet her friends early. His body relaxed falling onto the soft bed and he drummed his fingers on his stomach. His eyes found his gold wedding band and he slipped it off holding it high in the air to twirl it. It was a simple gold band, nothing special, and it was found on such short notice. It always had and will baffle Dean how a simple ring bound you to one person for the rest of your life, to wake up to the same face, to sleep with the same person until you died. Dean jumped when he heard a door opening nearby and moved up off the bed to see Castiel going into the bathroom holding a towel. Castiel seemed to sense eyes on him and turned to look at Dean watching him closely with narrowed eyes. His mouth opened slightly like he was about to speak to him but he seemed to forget about it and closed the door behind him.

Dean stared at the white door for a moment longer before moving away and lying back down on the bed again wanting to feel nothing. It was dramatic but Dean couldn't care less.

_**~0~0~0~**_

They took a taxi this time not wanting to drive back drunk and die. Castiel led him inside Jo's local and found her being chatted up by a creepy guy wearing too much leather.

"Hello, sweetheart" Castiel said swooping in and kissing her full on the mouth. Creepy guy scoffed shooting them all a glare before stalking off. Dean looked between them bewildered till Castiel drew away and glanced over to him.

"It's our rule, creepy guys come in and we pretend we're dating"

"Oh"

"My saviour" Jo said kissing his cheek and looking over to Dean. "You must be Dean"

"The one and only"

"I've heard so much and now I'm meeting you" she said with a relieved sigh looking him up and down with a raised eyebrow. "He did not lie, you're rather good looking"

"You said I was good looking?" Dean said surprised looking over to Castiel to see a faint blush on his cheeks.

"She's a liar" he said with a glare directed at her heading to the bar.

"I'm really not, so you're married to Anna?"

"Yeah"

"Wow, I never really saw her settling down she was always a bit of a…free spirit, always doing her own thing, changing the rules, and not caring about anything" she said leading Dean over to the bar. "You must be one in a million"

"I guess I am" he said nervously dropping down next to her while they ordered their drinks. They walked back to the table and sat down with Jo leaning forward to address Dean.

"So…you've travelled the world?"

"Kind of, Canada, Australia, Africa, those sort of countries"

"Where do you like best?"

"Australia was rather awesome"

"Oh really, why is that?"

"Jo…" Castiel said with a roll of his eyes and flashed an apologetic look over to Dean.

"I'm interested! I've always wanted to travel the world, so shut up" she said nudging him hard. Dean grinned a little when Castiel rolled his eyes at her looking away from them.

"It's fine, um, the weather, I like those koala bears" he said drinking his beer.

Castiel smiled faintly at the sentence still looking away from them both.

"Hopefully I can go back one day, I mean having four walls, a mortgage, a car, and a job is one thing but when you can see the world with your own eyes is a whole other story"

"Oh I know the feeling, I want to leave, pack up, and go to Russia"

"Russia?"

"It's my dream since a little girl" she said with a laugh.

"I think we need more drinks down you" Castiel said softly and a little irked. "I'm too sober for this conversation"

"I agree" Dean muttered drinking back his drink.

Jo looked between them with curious eyes but let it drop as she agreed and they set about getting drunk. It was Dean's turn somehow this time around to become very, very drunk and it was only 11pm.

"I'm…I'm going to regret this in the morning" Dean murmured knocking down the purple shot and gagged shaking his head. "Help"

Jo giggled covering her mouth and held up a hand. "I need the toilet"

"You went five minutes ago" Castiel murmured with a shake of his head. He wasn't as drunk as the pair of them to his displeasure. The alcohol wasn't working this time around and it sometimes happened to him.

"So?!" Jo exclaimed stumbling past him towards the toilets catching the eye of a young man who smiled in acknowledgement.

"We won't be seeing her for a few hours" Dean said with a chuckle.

Castiel shook his head knocking back the shot and turning to face Dean.

"How are you feeling?"

"I need fresh air" he murmured feeling his vision swirl and his head felt like it was stuffed with candyfloss. Castiel stumbled after him when he grabbed his wrist tugging him out into the fresh air.

"I love fresh air, do you love fresh air?" Dean said inhaling and exhaling deeply. "I feel drunk"

"It's because you are, Dean"

"Are you drunk?"

"More like pleasantly tipsy, I would rather be in your position" Castiel said wistfully catching him when he stumbled looking into his eyes. Dean hummed moving too close into his personal space to peer into his eyes.

"I feel like you're looking into my soul sometimes"

"I am, I like what I see"

"Liar"

"Why do you say I'm lying?" Castiel said placing his hands on his shoulders.

"You can't look into souls, so you're a liar, and anyway it wouldn't be that good" he said with flailing hands and let them rest on Castiel's hips with a sigh. "I feel weird"

Castiel swallowed hard looking down at his hands on his hips. "That would be that purple nurple you had"

"No, no, no, I feel weird, not myself…why my hands there?" he said looking down and up into his eyes fearfully.

"Dean, what are you feeling?"

"I hate talking about my feelings"

"Try, just now for me" he said gripping into his shoulders and glancing around but apart from the noise of the pub there was no one around.

"I…I don't know, I really don't, it's confusing…I can't feel the need to have sex with Anna anymore, I want to spend all my time with _you,_ why you? Why…why can I hear buzzing?" he said looking around looking lost and scared. Castiel had cringed at the sex with Anna but focused more on the spending time with him part.

"I know the feeling of feeling weird, feeling something you shouldn't, and it's wrong, very wrong because of the circumstances but there's a little part of me that thinks, what the hell? You only live once" he murmured with a tight swallow.

"I saw you kissing that guy in the apartment" Dean said suddenly looking towards him. "I went to see you and I saw

"You saw me kissing Balthazar" he said with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah! I couldn't stop thinking about it and then you kissed that other guy" he said with a furrowed brow. "Why?"

"Balthazar is an ex-boyfriend who keeps coming back for more and the other guy was…no one who invaded my mouth with his tongue, you were there, why do you care so much?" he said slowly eyeing him and holding him steady when he swayed backwards.

"I don't care" he snapped avoiding his eyes. Castiel closed his eyes tilting his head back with a soft sigh. Dean watched the action curiously and bit down into his lip not sure about the feeling coursing through him, was it the alcohol or something else?

"Maybe a little bit" Dean whispered letting his forehead drop down to his shoulder. Castiel glanced towards him surprised but knew it was the alcohol.

"I'll tell you the truth if you want" Dean murmured peeking up at him. "I know you want to know, I can see it, I can tell you"

"You're drunk, Dean" he whispered shakily bringing his hands up into the softness of his hair and bit back a moan. "You'll only regret telling your secrets"

"You make me feel weird" he muttered bitterly resting on his shoulder.

"Touché" Castiel murmured in reply staring forward at nothing.

"I'm married"

"I know"

"To your sister"

"I know"

"So why am I dreaming about you?" he mumbled fisting his hand into his jacket. "I don't understand"

Castiel reached around slowly stroking a hand down his cheek slowly while he dozed on his shoulder and knew Jo would be looking for him or up against a cubicle door. Dean lifted his head to look at him slowly staring deep into his eyes and looking down at his lips in wonder.

"Dean" Castiel breathed more in question when Dean's hands clutched at his waist.

"Cas" he murmured in reply, breath hitching in what could be fear and moving towards him that inch closer. Castiel slowly brought his hand touching his cheek with just his fingertips feeling something crackle in the air between them and knew without a doubt what was about to happen.

"There you guys are! Fuck sake, guys and their hands!" Jo exclaimed bursting through the door coming towards them. Dean pulled back sharply to look at Jo while Castiel fought down the urge to punch one of his closest friends very hard in the face. His forehead leaned against his temple for a moment before he backed away and smiled at Jo.

"What-what's going on? Is everything…okay?" she said gesturing between them.

"Everything is okay, come on" he said indicating his head to make her sit down and glanced at Dean still swaying gently. He reached out gripping his hand and tugging him to sit down next to Jo and call a taxi.

"Hey, handsome" Jo said with a small laugh laying her head on his shoulder closing her eyes. Dean looked at Castiel who glanced over to him and away as he ordered a taxi for them all.

"Can I crash at yours?" Jo mumbled softly.

"Yes"

"Love you"

Castiel smiled at her for a long moment before looking at Dean who sighed deeply closing his eyes and leaning his head on top of Jo's feeling sleepy.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel tucked Jo in his bed before helping Dean dozing against the wall and made a sound of protest when he was moved.

"Shush, Dean, don't wake my mom or Rachel" he whispered moving into the bedroom to see it empty and pushed him forward to the bed. Dean grunted dropping on the edge and hummed loudly when he took off his shoes and socks.

"Move up" he ordered softly and draped the blanket over him. Dean moaned in discomfort opening his eyes and squinting at Castiel above him.

"Is this a dream?"

"No, Dean"

"It feels like a dream"

"Fine, it's a dream" he said softly moving up when a hand fastened around his wrist.

"Stay with me"

"I-I can't, Dean, as much I would like to" he said softly trailing a hand down the side of his temple. "Just sleep, okay?"

"But it's a dream, you can stay with me, Cas, stop lying to me" he muttered dragging him down and looking into his eyes.

"In this dream I have to go, I need to be with Jo when she wakes up or she'll freak out" he said in a soothing voice. "Sleep"

Dean scowled at him before giving in and shutting his eyes. Castiel didn't even bother debating whether or not he should and simply leaned in pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He stayed there in that position for a long moment before pulling back and walking out to get in his bed with Jo not caring what the small action he did to Dean brought. He would deal with whatever consequence came tomorrow.

**A/N: Slow and steady wins the race. It's like teasing someone before you eventually give in and give them what they want. That's what I'm doing. Enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

Dean always without a doubt woke up early after a night out. It was maddeningly frustrating to wake up at 8am with a screaming rock band playing in your head, a mouth as dry as sandpaper, and nausea to hit the roof. He sighed turning over and met Jo's eyes.

"Morning sunshine" she said with a smile.

"Holy…!" he said with a gasp leaning back. "Jo? What the hell?!"

"Oh calm down, I came in here a minute ago and you were still sleeping so I waited here until Castiel comes up with our coffees" she said dropping down next to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Ill" he murmured prodding his forehead and wincing. "Remind me why I drink again?"

"Because it's fun but the consequences suck!" she said with a sigh. "It was a good night though, I can remember nearly everything"

Dean hummed in agreement remembering last night through a haze but he knew what happened and what nearly happened. His eyes closed remembering how close they were to kissing before Jo came bursting out disturbing them. Despite being drunk, Dean had wanted it to happen at that moment. Any thought of Anna wasn't in his mind at that time and the real disappointment had been there.

Castiel walked in handing Jo her coffee and putting one down for Dean on the night stand.

"Thanks" he muttered meeting his eyes for a moment before looking away. Castiel swallowed hard sitting down next to Jo who popped the pills into her mouth and drank it back with a sigh.

"Oh I could do with a few more hours" Dean murmured covering his eyes and stretching out his back. Castiel couldn't help but glance over to him taking in the sight of him stretched out and liking what he saw. Jo glanced between them sipping her coffee and thought back to last night remembering vodka, beer, and whiskey, men with wandering hands and a quick kiss in the toilets, looking around for the pair of them and bursting outside to see them…

Jo gasped softly looking between them shocked and swallowed hard when realisation hit. Carefully putting her coffee down, Jo stood up looking straight at Castiel.

"Hey, Cas, I need a private word" she said standing up to walk out.

"Why?"

"It's about work and we don't need to be shouting while Dean has a headache" she said indicating at him to follow. Dean watched them leave bemused and straightened up leaning against the headboard drinking down the coffee.

Jo tugged him down towards his bedroom shoving him inside.

"I may have been very, very, drunk last night but I always have a kind of clean mind and I saw what nearly happened last time"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh my god" she whispered looking up into his eyes. "It's him, its Dean isn't it? The one you like but it's wrong!"

"Keep your voice down" he said in a low voice. "Yes, it's him, and yes you interrupted the moment we nearly kissed"

"Are you insane? Have-have you had a bad bump to your head? He is married to your sister, Castiel, your sister!" she hissed at him.

"I know"

"Doesn't that stop or change your mind!?"

"No, because I can't help it"

"You…you can't help it?!" she said with a scoff. "This is wrong, if-if I hadn't come out at that moment you two would have kissed"

"Yes"

"How doesn't this bother you?"

"Oh it bothers me, Jo, I feel guilt, shame, disgust, and all the other bad feelings I should feel for wanting my sister's husband but a part of me doesn't care" he said with a shake of his head. "You should have heard some of the stuff he was saying to me, it's not just me"

"He was drunk, he didn't mean it"

"Oh but he did"

"You don't know that! Don't do this, Castiel, please, you know it's wrong" she pleaded with him.

"Not if he makes the first move" he said softly avoiding her eye contact.

"You are unbelievable" she whispered. "He's married…"

"To Anna, my sister, my blood, and it's sacred, everlasting, and they took vows but I don't know if I can care right now" he said moving over and opening his door. "I think you should go, I'll see you in work on Monday"

"Cas…"

"Go, Jo" he ordered with wide eyes. "I will see you on Monday"

Jo inhaled deeply with a nod and walked out only stopping to turn back and say her final word. "Don't mess this up for yourself or him, think of your actions beforehand or someone is going to get hurt"

"Goodbye" he said with an air of finality. He watched Jo take off and glanced up and down the hallway praying no one was listening. It was fortunate that his family were heavy sleepers.

Castiel turned heading towards Dean's room and poked his head around to see him dozing against the headboard.

"How's your head?"

Dean opened his eyes startled looking over to him and grunted holding his head. "It's like having a rock band in my head"

"Those tablets should help" he said sitting on the edge.

"Where's Jo?"

"She's gone home, she needs her own bed" he said with a small smile. "Do you remember last night?"

"Yeah" Dean murmured awkwardly swirling the last of his coffee around. "I remember all of it, I'm sorry, Cas"

"Why are you apologising?"

Dean cleared his throat feeling awkward placing the cup down. "You know why, I know what I said, Cas"

"Were you telling the truth?"

"I don't know"

"Are you ever going to know?"

"I know that I was drunk, really drunk, and I said a few things I shouldn't have"

Castiel ignored the "kick to the gut" feeling and nodded hearing the sound of Gabriel's door opening and his groans of protest walking to the bathroom. Dean stared away to the window feeling the awkwardness settle in around them and despised the tension. It wasn't going to be easy between them now.

"I'll leave you to it"

Dean bobbed his head once remembering before he dropped off to sleep when he kissed him on his forehead. It made his stomach flip flop at the faded memory of it and he watched him leave the room swiftly.

"Why have you just come out of Anna's room?" Gabriel murmured when Castiel walked out.

"I was talking to Dean"

"Why?"

"None of your business, Gabriel" he snapped heading downstairs.

"Touchy" he murmured heading back into bedroom.

Castiel walked in and jumped seeing Kendal at the table drinking coffee.

"I saw a woman rush around of here before; it wasn't one of Gabriel's whores was it?"

"No, that was a friend of mine, Joanna; she stayed over because we got too drunk"

"You need to stop all this drinking and smoking, Castiel, you are ruining your health" she said sternly. "You and Dean keep going on these binge drinkers and it's concerning me"

"People go out to drink mom it's not crime"

"Oh it is when you're arrested for drunk driving"

Castiel blinked moving over to the fridge and pulling it open to look inside. "I don't recall ever being arrested for drunk driving; I do however recall Michael being arrested for said crime"

"The shame" she murmured covering her eyes. "I still remember your father's fury"

"It was more of the cost that bothered him" he murmured taking out an orange and beginning to peel it. "When is he coming back?"

"I had a text to say he was in France but no return date yet" Kendal said sadly circling the rim of her cup with her pinkie.

Castiel rolled his eyes behind her back. He had lost all respect for his dad a long time ago. It wasn't about to come back any time soon and he moved out of the kitchen leaving Kendal to her thoughts. The thud of footsteps alerted him and he looked up with a smile to see Rachel come jumping down the stairs in her pink pyjamas.

"Mom is in there"

"Mommy!" she cried running in with a halo of blonde hair around her face.

Castiel glanced at the stairs with a sigh before moving out into the fresh air and going for a walk hoping for a clearer head. He liked the fact there was still a chill in the air but there was a clean sign of spring coming in. Jo's words rang in his head and he couldn't help but think of them over and over again. He was thinking of his actions, he knew it would be a disaster if he did pursue it but he wanted to, he really, really, wanted to. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets kicking at the dead leaves and continued with his walk in the garden.

Dean sat at the end of the bed brooding over what to do when he heard the door go downstairs and perked up hearing Anna's voice. He remained still waiting patiently for her to come up and come into the bedroom looking exhausted and very sick.

"You look terrible babe" he said when she dropped her heels down on the floor scowling deeply at him.

"Fuck you" she grumbled moving to her side of the bed turning on her back facing away and giving the stance she wanted to fall asleep.

"Good night?" he said lightly trying anyway.

"It was…okay" she murmured into the pillow. "I got hardly any sleep on her couch though so can you go away, please?"

"Sure" he muttered moving to pull on some clean clothes and shoes. Dean glanced back to her and debated a moment before leaving the bedroom and went to find Castiel. Searching for him through the entire house was no success and neither was the apartment.

"Kendal, do you know where Cas is?"

"I think he went for a walk, love" she said cutting up apples for Rachel.

"Thanks" he murmured heading outside once again and hunting him down.

Castiel looked up at the sound of footsteps at the bottom of the garden and frowned when Dean came into view.

"What are you doing down here" he murmured blowing smoke up into the air.

"Looking for Santa Claus, have you seen him?"

"Try the shed" he murmured with a poker expression.

"Why are you down here of all places?" he murmured wrinkling his nose up.

"I thought I could get an hour of privacy to just…think" he murmured looking at the grey ash on his cigarette. "That's my Saturday planned"

"Do you have such a boring life?"

"Not really, I'll always plan something to do but a couple of months ago…my Saturday's were filled with sex" he murmured with a raised eyebrow. "Funny how things change and hearts are broken"

Dean narrowed his eyes contemplating that and was rewarded with a twist to his stomach at the idea. Castiel watched him with amused eyes sucking on the end of his cigarette.

"You said to me that you were straight and then you were gay, how is that possible? You can't just switch when you want…right?"

Castiel hummed with a nod and shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, I've always been gay even when I pretended to be straight I was born gay but it was easier to lie and say I was not at all"

"That makes more sense"

"Why do you care, Dean, are you questioning your sexuality?"

"No…"

"Liar, yes you are" he said moving away from the tree. "Have you never wondered not for one moment what it would be like to kiss…hold…or even fuck another man, Dean?"

Dean laughed with a nod looking away from him. "Why would I care when I'm married"

"I didn't say now, Dean, I said have you ever wondered and by that I meant in the past" he said slowly stopping in front of him. "It's a simple question, Dean, yes…or…no"

"What do you want me to say, Cas, yeah, yeah I have, in high school, on the street, anywhere I can in private"

"I'm taking that as a yes"

"Oh fuck you, Cas" Dean said shaking his head and looking away from him.

"If you want…"

Dean scoffed amused turning to look at him. "Are you going to throw yourself at me like a whore? Like you said, Cas, you used to have sex every single Saturday, didn't you?"

Castiel reeled back from Dean feeling the sting of his words and narrowed his eyes at him. Dean saw the flash of hurt in his eyes and swallowed hard opening his mouth to take back the words when Castiel moved towards him.

"Go to hell, Dean"

Castiel moved back a step sidestepping him and walking back up the hill leaving Dean to stare down at the grass feeling like a complete asshole. He didn't know how long he was stood there for but his hands were chilly and he was all alone apart from the birds in the trees. He moved up the hill slowly biting down into his lip till he reached the top of the house and glanced at the apartment wondering. He knew if Castiel was angry and upset he wouldn't want to be confronted by his family. Dean moved forward till he reached the door and knocked hard waiting patiently till he heard the familiar scratch of the lock. Castiel opened the door and sighed going to slam it shut only for him to shove his body into it.

"Please, Cas, I just want to say sorry"

"Sorry, Dean, no can do, I'm whoring myself out to the twenty men I have in here" he muttered shoving against the door. Dean winced when the door pinched at him and fought back.

"I didn't mean to call you a whore…"

"Yes you did"

"I didn't! I was angry…"

"What were you angry about?! I asked you about your sexuality, Dean"

"I don't like talking about it, Cas"

"Just go away, Dean, I don't want really to see you right now"

"No, I need to say it now otherwise I'll be pissed all day" he said with a grunt shoving at the door hard so that Castiel fell back breathing hard.

"Fine" he muttered turning his back on him. "Say your piece and go away"

Dean breathed out shutting and locking the door behind him. "I'm sorry I called you a whore but I didn't mean to, I just…you're not a whore, Cas, I'm more of a whore than you"

"Oh really"

"Yeah, in my high school years I went through girls like underwear and socks. I didn't care as long as I got sex and an orgasm out of it" he said with a soft snort. "I was fifteen when I lost my virginity dude, you were twenty one"

"So?"

"Do you think you're a whore?"

"No"

"Then you're not and I don't think you really are, I just snapped and I say things I don't usually mean" he murmured looking down at the ground. "I don't know what's happening here, Cas, my head is spinning right now but all I know is I need to be here"

Castiel turned to glance at him and let out a tired sigh. "You know this is wrong, right?"

"Yeah"

"I know you meant the things you said to me last night, Dean; people always tell the truth to some point when they're drunk because they have nothing to lose"

"I think I did mean them and I was telling the kinda truth before about thinking…well you know, I did sometimes but it scared me" he admitted looking down at his nails and picking at them nervously. The silence stretched out between them till Dean exhaled shakily.

"I have no idea what's happening here…I'm married to your sister" he murmured turning to look out of the window.

"We just keep repeating the same things here, Dean, you're confused, and I'm confused, we have no idea what's going on, you don't know how you feel…you don't know what's going on with your sexuality but all you know right now is you'd rather be with me than your wife"

Dean stared over to him with a nod and a hard swallow. "I wanted to kill Jo last night when she came out and disturbed us"

"I wanted to punch her; I had to fight the urge"

"It would have happened though…wouldn't it?"

"Yes"

Dean felt something clutch around his heart and lungs like a clamp causing him to move back and drop down in the chair, head in his hands, and breathing out slowly. Castiel watched him in pity for a moment before walking over and crouching down next to him.

"Whatever you're feeling, Dean, isn't as bad as we think it is"

"I'm married"

"I know you are"

"You're my brother in law"

"Yes"

"What do you feel?"

"What do I feel?"

"Yeah, tell me what you feel"

Castiel stayed silent for a long moment letting his eyes roam all over him. "When I met you I didn't like you, I didn't want to know you till Anna forced you upon me and I'm very glad she did…I've got to know you, the real you, and no I don't know everything about you just yet and you have your secrets but so do I. I see this Dean here, the one who loves to travel, loves his family, loves to drink and eat food, the one who just smiles or laughs and it lights you up like a bloody light bulb. You're so beautiful and I hate my sister, I hate her because she got you first and took you for her own. What I feel right now is mixed between wanting to tear my own hair out because of guilt and the other wanting to show you the bi-sexual part of your personality"

Dean stared at him with a mix of surprise and confusion before shifting forward slightly to press his forehead against his.

"Is it girly to admit that I'm fucking terrified?" he whispered with a small snort.

"No" Castiel whispered back to him with a small smile bringing his hands up to stroke into his hair and down the side of his cheek. "It's human, Dean, and that's what we are"

"If you say so"

Dean could feel his warm breath coat over his lips which seemed to tingle in anticipation as he stared into the blue eyes swamping over them. He hadn't seen a blue like them before and he went through endless lists of blue but none of them matched.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean"

"What do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?" he whispered brushing his lips over the corner of his mouth inhaling the warm soapy smell of his skin.

"Honestly? I haven't got a clue" he murmured shifting closer cupping the back of his skull and threading his fingers into his hair. It was soft, unbelievably soft, and he moaned softly closing his eyes. That small sound caught Castiel's attention and he couldn't resist moving that extra inch forward pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. He broke his rule to Jo already but who could resist when he just moaned like a porn star right in front of him. Dean's eyes flew open in surprise watching him closely before ducking in and kissing him once again.

Castiel had to resist kissing him harder and shoving him back into the couch as they kissed slowly, teasingly, slowly testing something new and so deliciously wrong for both of them. Dean stopped holding back as he felt Castiel's tongue stroke across his bottom lip slowly edging it open, he gave in fisting his hands into the back of his hair opening his mouth wider for entry as they kissed more deeply. Castiel caught the soft moan into his mouth pressing closer and coaxing more out him as they parted for breath only to resume.

"Fuck your good" Dean whispered when they parted and he tugged him forward giving him a filthy kiss that drove Castiel to move up pushing him hard into the chair supporting him. His legs straddled his thighs and he smiled tilting Dean's head back and pressing an open mouth kiss to his lips.

"I've dreamt every…single…night of doing this to you" he whispered peppering small kisses down the line of his law. Dean gasped feeling lightheaded, his heart was pumping at what felt like a thousand miles an hour and he was painfully aroused. The feeling sparked through his veins driving him forward and his hands pushed up his t-shirt to the warm skin of his back. Castiel gasped arching his head back fighting for breath and looked down into his eyes to see the green was now darkened with arousal and a want that sent shivers running up his spine.

"So, Dean, are you questioning your sexuality yet?" he murmured with a smirk when he rolled his eyes pulling him into a hard kiss that crushed their noses painfully together.

"Yes" he said with a soft moan burying his head into the crook of his neck when he felt Castiel's erection poke into his stomach and his own throb painfully between his legs.

"I thought you might be" he said breathless feeling smugly proud and wicked. He tipped his head to blow warm air against his ear and grinned happy into it when he moaned removing his head to look at him.

"We're screwed"

"I know"

Dean paused for a moment tilting his chin towards him and kissing him warmly. They kissed for what felt like forever with Castiel's hands around his neck only pausing for breath when a loud demanding knock on the door startled the both of them.

"Shit, shit, shit" Dean hissed looking over to the closed curtains and at the door.

"Shush" Castiel whispered covering his mouth. "Who is it?"

"Your mother, get out, it's my apartment and I need to type now!" she ordered.

"One minute" he called moving off Dean scrubbing at his mouth. "We'll be out in a minute"

"We? Who's in there? Castiel, if you are fucking someone on my computer desk…!"

"Whoa, no, it's me, Kendal" Dean said breathless wrapping his jacket around his waist to cover his erection. Castiel smirked at him looking down at his own and did the same. They moved opening the door to Kendal who rolled her eyes moving in and looking around the room.

"You two really, what were you doing?"

"Talking"

"I love chats" Castiel murmured with a shrug moving away.

Dean tried his best not to laugh as he walked away and knew they looked so suspicious. They entered the house glancing at each other only to be both called away as Rachel shouted for Castiel and Anna called for Dean from the kitchen. Dean stared at his wife feeling guilt flood into his stomach but at the same time could still feel the movement of Castiel's lips against his.

"I'll see you in a few hours" Castiel murmured with a "later" in the tone of his voice as he flashed him a look and moved to attend to Rachel.

"Hello, I'm sorry for snapping at you before" she said kissing his cheek. "Are you okay? You look flushed"

"I'm…I'm great" he said honestly when she eyed him and nodded continuing to make herbal tea. Dean leaned against the side hiding a smile and even though he felt guilty about the kiss, he had to admit that was the best kiss he had in a very long time and he was not going to give up on it just yet. He needed more.

**A/N: There you go…**

**Thank you for all the support and reviews!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Just a quick note, if you do not like what is happening in this story then please do not read it. I warned at the very start this would be an affair fanfic, this means cheating, adultery, and naughty things like that. I know it's wrong and it's bad of course I do, I don't condone cheating but it's just AU and not real.**

It was too easy to find somewhere private from the apartment, the bathroom, and even his bedroom to kiss Dean with an inch of his life. In Castiel's mind it was a crime that Dean kissed him back that good so he was craving more. It was torture watching him with Anna as they kissed everywhere and it always seemed to be when Castiel was in the room with them. He couldn't help the glare shot at them when they kissed passionately in the kitchen when Castiel was making his morning coffee three days after their first kiss. He looked over to see Dean's eyes on him and flashed a cold smile before walking out and outside towards the apartment.

Slamming the door hard was almost satisfying for him when he dropped in the corner of the sofa with jealously burning in his veins. The soft knock on the door alerted him and he cursed his own mother if it was her.

"Hey" Dean murmured when he opened the door and stepped aside to let him in. "You looked like someone has just shot your puppy"

"Who knew it would be so hard to watch your sister and her husband kissing all over that fucking house" he said sitting in the corner of the couch again popping a cigarette in his mouth.

"Jealously, Cas, really? You don't need to be jealous"

"Oh don't I?"

"No, not when I'm secretly wanting it to be you, when I'm kissing you in the dark corners of the house, or when I'm wanting it to be you next to me in that big ass bed" he ranted darkly. "You don't need to be jealous because I'm kissing Anna"

Castiel stared at the grey ash flickering with amber and sighed deeply looking over to him.

"Come here" he murmured beckoning a finger over and waiting while Dean locked the door and made sure the curtains were drew before coming over. Castiel reached up spreading his legs and pulling Dean down to kneel between them.

"I've had this image in my head for days but we were a little less clothed" he murmured with a small smile. Dean couldn't resist moving in and pulling him up to kiss him hard. His tongue swept inside tasting the raw taste of his cigarette and pulling away with a wrinkle of his nose.

"It's like kissing a cigarette"

"Oh fine" he murmured leaning away to stub it out and popping a piece of chewing gum in his mouth. "Give me five minutes"

"Fine with me" Dean murmured moving to trail his lips down his neck in warm kisses and nipped at the skin.

"Ah, no biting" he murmured leaning his head back to enjoy the feeling and trailed his hands into his hair. "Dean, no…fuck"

Dean ignored him biting into the skin of his collarbone sucking hard and enjoying the soft moans near his ear. He tasted like skin, soap, and salt which was such an odd combination because it worked. Castiel looked down at the bulge in his jeans and sighed grabbing at his t-shirt and pulling it off him to trail his hands down the sun kissed skin revelling and smiling at Dean who raised an eyebrow.

"You're so beautiful" he murmured pulling him into a kiss. Dean moaned gripping at Castiel's shirt and tugging it hard enough for the buttons to pop all over the place eliciting surprised laughter from him. Dean pulled back with narrowed eyes pushing two fingers into his mouth and pulling out the gum.

"Are we teenagers? You're gross, Cas"

"I couldn't resist and I didn't want it anymore" he said when Dean put the gum in the ashtray and turned his attentions back to him.

"You're still disgusting" he murmured reattaching his mouth to his and kissing him within an inch of his life. Castiel groaned arching against him and shook his head pulling away.

"I need more" he murmured gripping Dean's shoulders tight and kicking at his feet so he could turn them around and he could pin Dean to the sofa. Castiel smiled smugly at the surprised look mixed with anticipation and wonder. "I can't survive on just your mouth"

Dean gasped when he kissed down his chest and fingers worked at his belt and jeans tugging them down and ripping them away to chuck over his shoulder. Dean stared at him open mouthed when he did the same to himself and all was left was a pair of underwear between them.

"Cas" he whispered when he looked at him with a hunger shining in his eyes just for him and bit down into his lip when his cool hands slipped into the waistband pulling them down. Castiel clucked his tongue into his cheek looking at his cock and moving his lips down to press against the shiny head. Dean gasped spreading his legs wider to give him more room and let his hands rest in the soft hair begging to be pulled and tugged. Castiel didn't hold back as he wrapped a hand around the shaft teasing the head with his tongue, tasting the come that had bubbled to the surface, and hummed at the bitter taste. It wasn't the best taste in the world but it was Dean and he was going to make sure he tasted every inch of him. Dean gasped when his tongue stroked down the underside of his cock and removed his hands to fondle his balls gently with a squeeze. The sounds escaping Dean were pornographic spurring Castiel on to take him further into his mouth humming around it and sending vibrations across his groin.

"Fuck, Cas, god, you're so good…so warm…god" he babbled fisting his hands deeper into his hair begging for more.

His hips took on their own accord as they rocked up further into his mouth accepting him to choke on his cock but he took it. Dean closed his eyes with a moan knowing deep down he would take it, of course he would take it. The hands around his balls squeezed tighter and he hissed slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Cas, fuck, I'm gonna…" he said looking down at the dark hair nestled in between his thighs.

"Come for me, Dean" he purred stroking a hand down his inner thigh. Dean nodded over and over again feeling the peak of his orgasm and felt everything clamp down in force to flood deep into Castiel's mouth. Castiel swallowed him eagerly feeling the fluid coat his throat and pulled back trailing his fingers down the softening cock. Dean collapsed in a post-sex haze feeling lightheaded and fully satisfied.

"Wow" he murmured when he moved over pulling him into a kiss and stroking a tongue into his mouth to give him a taste. Dean pulled back with wonder dwelling in his eyes at the strange taste of his own come.

"Do you want me to…" he said gesturing at Castiel who shook his head.

"No, I'll be fine" he said slowly trailing his hands down his chest and pressing a warm kiss in the centre. "But I want you to know something I do feel guilty, Dean, never forget that"

"So do I, I do when I'm lying next to her and it's you I want" he murmured letting his head fall back into the cushions. "I do now"

"Do you want to stop?"

"No" Dean said quickly shaking his head. "No, I don't think I want to do that just yet"

Castiel smiled faintly resting on his chest and trailing his fingers up and down his arm for a long minute before removing them and climbing off him.

"We better get back before people come looking for us"

Dean swallowed hard with a nod grabbing his clothes and paused with a nod to Castiel's shirt and all the buttons.

"How are you going to explain that?"

"I'll tell them it was ripped off me in a fit of passion with another man"

"No" Dean said sharply.

"Oh, jealous are we?"

Dean sneered at him pulling on the last of his clothes. "Say something other than that"

"Why? How else will this be explained and this?" he said poking at the red mark on his collarbone. "I can say it is another but we both know it was you"

Dean glared walking over to him and pressing a finger into the mark. Castiel gasped at the pain that it brought and smirked when his green eyes flashed with something different.

"Are you possessive of me already, Dean?"

"Shut up" he muttered hovering over his lips. "I had a dream about you last night"

"Oh"

"Yeah, I woke up with a raging hard on"

"I really have done a wonder on you haven't I? Still questioning that sexuality?"

"I think it's well and truly done for" Dean said with a sigh stroking a thumb over the red hickey on his collarbone feeling like a lovesick teenager. "I better get back before she comes looking for me"

Castiel nodded meeting his eyes and moving forward to press a soft kiss to his lips and letting him go. Dean dared a glance at him as he left and saw the resigned look in his eyes that hurt like a kick to the stomach. All he wanted to do was stay but he knew Anna would come looking for him eventually. Dean looked down to see if he was acceptable before walking up to the house. He finds Anna on her bedroom floor surrounded by photos with a small smile on her face.

"What are those?"

"Our pictures from our travels and my pictures"

"You printed them off?"

"I want to make a scrap book, it'll give me something to do and why are you not out looking for a job? Dean, I know I'm nagging you but my mom will start to pester for money soon and if you want to be kicked out…"

"No" he said quickly not wanting to move away from Castiel. "I'll…I'll get looking"

"Good, I hate nagging" she said flashing him a smirk and looking down to shuffle through the papers.

Dean was lost in thought when he heard the front door slam and the cursing of Kendal.

"Oh what now" Anna murmured walking down the stairs closely followed by Dean.

"What is with my children getting married?" Kendal raged grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring a glass. Castiel met Dean's eyes when they walked in and they looked towards Kendal in both confusion and concern.

"Michael is getting married to Lilith"

"You're joking"

"Why would I joke, Castiel, read this" she said handing him her phone. "I checked my emails and like Anna here got a lovely little email"

Castiel took the phone off her and looked down to see she was right and the eldest was getting married to a girl he barely knew. Anna walked over standing behind him to read it and gladly took it off him when he handed it to her.

"I'm betting big boobs, blonde hair, and a fortune behind her mom" Anna said with a snort handing it to Dean. "We all know Michael's type from the blonde hair and the whorish personality. It's for sex, money and fame"

"She's a celebrity?" Dean said confused placing the phone near Kendal necking her wine.

"Lilith is an actress but not a very well-known actress" Castiel replied raising an eyebrow. "Michael is not known for choosing the right women and this, this will another disaster"

"Are they getting married abroad?"

"Yes" Kendal said bitterly pouring more wine. "Who will be next? Castiel, is it your turn? Are you going to marry Balthazar without telling me?!"

Dean swallowed hard looking down and away from Castiel who fidgeted irritated. "No, Balthazar and I are over"

"You could have fooled me" she said with a snort of laughter. "Having sex with him is far from over and he'll come back eventually and you, my sweet, will be begging for it like you always are. Don't count me as a fool, Castiel, I know all about it, I caught you often enough with your pants around those ankles and him fucking you like a riding horse"

"Mom!" Anna said astonished when Kendal scoffed walking out with a slight wobble to her step. "I…she's just upset, Castiel"

Castiel ignored her and instead moved slamming the door open and charging outside. Anna placed a hand on her forehead looking at Dean and gestured.

"Could you…?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure" he said with a nod walking out and following after Castiel.

Dean found him sitting underneath a tree chain smoking a cigarette with a fierce look in his eyes. If he looked closely he could see the faint sheen of tears coating them.

"Cas" he murmured dropping down in front of him and carefully meeting his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" he muttered with a deep sniff resting his chin on his palm. "It's not every day you hear that from your own mother"

"Like Anna said she's just upset" he murmured softly trailing a hand into his hair. "Michael sounds like a real sonofabitch"

"He is… he always has been. When we were younger, Michael was a daddy's boy; he looked up at him like he was his god, and didn't care really about mom. They fought a lot, he loved him more than life whilst Gabriel was a mommy's boy and Anna loves them both equally…and Rachel, well, she barely knows him so she's a mommy's girl"

"What about you?"

"Me? I don't know, neither of them" he said bitterly rubbing at his eyes viciously. "I remember when I came out to them officially and I remember the disappointment in my mom's eyes and…the complete no care attitude my own father gave when I told him. He didn't give a crap about me; he doesn't give about crap anyone but himself"

Dean hummed knowing the feeling well and reached out tucking the curl around his ear behind it gently. Castiel watched him with guarded eyes when he reached out towards him but the action was so gentle he couldn't help closing his eyes and moving closer to him. He held still when Castiel moved closer tucking his head to lay it on his shoulder.

"Whatever you're wearing scent wise I would advise to keep on wearing it" he murmured trailing his hands down his sides.

"Sammy got it for me last birthday"

"It's nice" he said shutting his eyes and flicking the cigarette away. "Can we go somewhere?"

"Where? I don't know anything around here apart from this house and town"

"It's a place I used to go when I was younger"

"Okay, let's go" he said indicating his head and standing up. Castiel took his hands when he offered them and pulled him up to stand.

"Lead the way"

_**~0~0~0~**_

"It's beautiful" Dean murmured awestruck when they arrived at Castiel's favourite spot. He sat down slowly on the edge of the little dock in the river. Castiel smiled softly dropping down next to him with bare feet so he could dip them in the water kicking his feet.

"Gabriel used to take me when he was being nice and fish" he said with a smile.

"I've been to a similar place like this, I used to fish as well but…I soon stopped" he said looking at the view surrounding them. The sun was high in the air making the water sparkle around them and he felt content, happy, and blissfully aware of Castiel right next to him. Castiel edged his hand over taking his hand and linking them together with his own.

"It's ours now" he whispered over to Dean who simply stared at him with warmth in his eyes.

"It's weird there is no one around" he said looking to the sides and back to him. "It's a good day"

"There isn't a lot of fish anymore" he said kicking his feet in and out of the water. "There was never anyone here when Gabriel took me"

"How are you feeling now? Kendal was out of order man"

"I'm okay now, I know my mom can be eccentric when she wants to be and she's just upset…it's a second child to marry without her permission or even letting her plan it" he said with a small chuckle. "I fear for her fragile mind and when my father hears…I do not want to be in the house"

Dean smirked sneaking a glance over to him to see Castiel looking at him anyway.

"What?" Dean breathed when he inched closer trailing a hand down his cheek feeling his stubble and breathing in slowly.

"You really are beautiful, Dean"

"Dude, I'm not a girl"

"No, you're Dean, and you're beautiful" he murmured pulling him into a kiss. Dean opened his mouth eagerly and gasped when he manoeuvred them so he was pinning Dean down on the wooden slats.

"Kinky devil" he whispered against his lips when he straddled his waist. "Outside, Cas, really?"

"Yes, Dean, outside" he said poking his nose gently with his finger. "Clearly observant"

"Jackass" he muttered with a scowl running his hands up his t-shirt this time. "I meant we're doing this outside"

"It's not like anyone is going to walk past" he muttered kissing across his neck and pulling back to look into his eyes. "I guess you've never had sex outside"

"Oh I have but never with a man or on a dock" he said resting his mouth against his cheek mouthing at it softly. "I've never…you know"

"I know" Castiel murmured with a small smile kissing underneath his eyes. "I'm going to be the first and the last"

Dean groaned rolling his hips up feeling the heat from Castiel straddling him and the friction on his cock stirring shivers of delight. Castiel smiled into the crook of his neck enjoying what he was doing this to him.

"It's up to you, I came prepared…"

"What?" Dean said pulling back astonished. "You planned this"

"No, I'm just always prepared" he said sitting back and pulling two items out of his back pocket. Dean stared at the lube and condom with a raised eyebrow.

"Right…" he murmured pulling them out of his hands and looking at them. "I'll try anything once"

"Once?"

"Sex on a dock? Bring it" he murmured pulling him down into a hard kiss that sent a shudder of delight running through Castiel. Castiel paused taking one last glance around to see no one and preceded taking off his clothes in what felt like record time. The sun heated his back raising goosebumps on his arms when the cold hit as well.

"Whoa" Dean murmured and then glanced at the wooden slats. "I'm going to get splinters dude, I'm not good with that"

"Take off your jacket and lie it down" Castiel ordered watching him tug it off and lie back down on it with a satisfied nod. Dean did the same pulling off his clothes till he was in nothing but underwear and socks. Castiel glanced at them with a smirk.

"Oh shut up" Dean murmured pulling him back down as they exchanged kisses and he shivered when the cold air hit them. "I feel exposed"

"No one will see us" Castiel reassured him. "Spread your legs for me"

Dean obeyed spreading them wide and letting his head fall back with a thud when his only protection disappeared and was chucked next to his clothes. The desire to laugh fluttered in his chest at what they were doing right now but the arousal and lust was winning. Castiel kissed down his chest pressing his lips over his nipple and teasing it with his teeth. Dean gasped clutching at his hair and lifting up to look into his eyes.

"Skip the foreplay" he muttered forcefully. Castiel smiled softly moving up and removing his hands to pin them over his head.

"No, I will not and you're going to lay there and take it"

"Yeah" he murmured breathlessly when he rolled his hips forward against Dean's and feeling his erection poke into his stomach. Castiel took his time as he explored down his chest kissing each rib slowly nipping it with his teeth but not hard enough to leave a mark. His lips down towards his raging erection as he would call it and ignored it completely. Dean let out a soft whine when he kissed down the V section and stroked his inner thighs watching them quiver with anticipation. Castiel adored the control he had over him and ripped open the packet of lube coating his fingers. He hummed pressing a finger slowly inside of him feeling the resistance and the instance heat he felt. Dean gasped brokenly at the single finger up inside him and he clutched underneath him feeling his jacket and the wood. It was both painful and insanely good when the finger wriggled and a second pushed up against it scissoring.

"Cas" he breathed shaking his head.

"I got you, it gets better" he murmured pressing a kiss to his knee and away staring down at his hand. "It will get better"

Dean didn't know why but he trusted him and tried to relax under his watchful gaze and fingers wriggling deep inside of him. Shivers of pain and pleasure shattered around and he groaned feeling its loss when the fingers were removed.

"Cas, fuck" he whined watching him look around as he slipped the condom on, slicking it up with lube and edging forward spreading Dean's legs further apart.

"Are you ready?" he murmured kissing him thoroughly till he was heaving for breath and nodded quickly.

"Do it, I'll be fine" he murmured and gasped softly feeling the head of his cock nudge against him and slide all the way home. The pain was obvious and inevitable as he was stretched wider than he thought and gasped clinging to his forearms. Castiel closed his eyes breathing hard at how tight and hot he felt around him and moaned softly letting his forehead drop to his chest. Sweat covered his brow and back from the excursion and the sun burning down on them. Dean grunted lifting his head and sliding his hands into the hair tugging hard.

"Move, Cas" he murmured encouragingly and gasping for breath when he thrusted in and out slowly gaining pace. Dean wouldn't lie when he said he did like it slow and hard but sometimes like this it needed to be faster.

"Cas, harder" he begged. "I'm not a doll, fuck me"

Castiel hummed with a nod building up his pace and grunted fucking him harder into the slats. His mind shifted for a moment wondering how sturdy these slats were but it disappeared entirely when he felt Dean's hands press into his ass urging him deeper. Castiel stared down at the wonder that was him and enjoyed watching and listening to his moans. Castiel gasped wrapping a hand around Dean's cock pumping him slowly so he was a begging moaning mess underneath his hands.

Dean couldn't even hold back before he was coming like a teenager coating Castiel's stomach and chest with the pearlescent fluid. Castiel moaned hands pressing into Dean's shoulders when he clamped down on his orgasm and felt his own flood through as he climaxed. Dean panted feeling the wetness deep inside him even though it was a condom, he privately wished for the real thing and wondered if next time they could do it bare back. Castiel sucked in sharp breaths collapsing on Dean's chest feeling dizzy and more than satisfied. Dean hummed pressing his lips into the dark hair smelling mint from his shampoo and added that into the list of his new favourite smells.

"Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel said with a hard swallow looking up to see him looking away and pointed out. "There's a duck watching us"

Castiel looked over and saw the brown and white duck staring over at them. He laughed softly looking down at Dean before kissing him soundly.

"He's having dinner and a show, ignore him" he murmured.

Dean hummed and blinked looking up at the blue sky fully realising this was the first time he had sex with a man. It was different, surreal, and something he definitely needed to do again sooner rather than later. The ring around his finger caught his eye and he felt a wave of overwhelming guilt at the thought of Anna at home wondering where he was. He met his eyes and Castiel understood pressing a kiss to his forehead and staying there for a long minute enjoying the warmth.

"It'll be fine" he murmured down to him. "It will be"

Dean chose again to believe him and settled back when Castiel slid out of him, taking off the condom and chucking it into the water. They simply lay together in the sunshine letting their hearts calm down and enjoyed each other's company before they had to return to reality, Dean returning to Anna and Castiel pretending to be okay with it. They had no other choice.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews!**


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel stood at his station chopping vegetables at a mile an hour when he saw a sweep of blonde hair and looked up into the quizzical eyes of Jo.

"Joanna Beth" he greeted with a smile knowing she hated it.

"Twat" she murmured scooting in next to him. "Why are you so perky? You have been for the past four days"

"Is a man not allowed not to be happy?"

"Not when they're harbouring a secret longing for sister's husband…no"

"I told you that was nothing and it's faded now" he lied easily putting the cut vegetables into separate bowls. "Tessa!"

"I believe you, you are rather unpredictable, but you're still uncharacteristically happy"

"I'm happy, leave me alone" he scolded moving to the ovens and turning them on. "How did the date with Jason go?"

"Good" she said with a secret smile punching on a piece of cucumber.

"Did it end in sex?"

"No!"

"Liar" he murmured drizzling oil into the pan. "You _always _put out on the first date and I always tell you no one will marry you if you put out…"

"…on the first date, yes, I know, you're such a fucking asshole" she muttered with an eye roll. "I didn't, not the time"

"Why not"

"Because I like him, Cas, really like him" she said with a small frown. "He actually listens, he's funny, he's smart, he understands my commitment to work, he has his own business, he's also gorgeous and…I didn't want to put out on the first date"

"So does this mean you have a second date?"

"It does indeed" she said with a smile watching him fry the meat to perfection. "So…is it really all done with Dean? You nearly kissed him, Castiel"

"I _nearly _kissed him, we were drunk" he replied with a shrug. "Yes it's over and done with"

"Can I set you up then?"

"What?" he muttered looking over to him. "I don't need setting up with anyone"

"Oh but you do" she sang stealing another cucumber. "The last one was Balthazar, right?"

Castiel thought back to Dean underneath him, sweaty, moaning, stretched out just for him and bit his lip supressing the moan. It had been four days since their first time and with work kicking him up the ass they hadn't had chance to spend any more time together. He nodded to Jo's question feeling a kick to his gut.

"Exactly! It's time to move on from stalker of the year and find a new man" she said with a smile. "Jason has a friend, gay friend, and I've seen him…he's rather gorgeous but they always are"

"Jo…"

"Please, for me?"

"I…fine, I'll do it" he said shutting his eyes.

"Brilliant, I'll arrange everything I promise" she said with a beaming grin kissing his cheek and moving way to do her own thing. Castiel watched her with a deep sigh knowing Dean wouldn't take it well despite their circumstances. He just wanted his shift over and to go and see him. Castiel knew he was being stupid, very stupid, but he didn't care. It was like a bone deep ache now to see and touch him, it was addicting and he didn't want the cure just yet.

His shift ended at 8pm to his relief and he drove home needing food, a shower, and sleep. He arrived home to see all the lights on and walked in hearing Rachel and Kendal on the karaoke in front of the TV. He smiled at the scene and walked in to see Anna and Dean talking in hushed tones and stopping when he walked in.

"Oh no please continue" he muttered dropping his coat on the side and looking into the fridge.

Anna glanced at Dean and stalked away out of the kitchen. Castiel turned raising an eyebrow at Dean who wandered over to him slowly rubbing the back of his neck.

"What was that all about?"

"She's a little upset"

"Why?" he said quickly looking out of the door. "Does she…?"

"Don't be stupid, you wouldn't be alive and neither would I" he whispered with a shake of his head. "No…argument with your mom"

"Oh" he murmured not surprised and grabbing food out of the fridge feeling his warm breath touch the back of his neck and dipped his head back to look at him.

"What?"

"You know what"

"Fancy a drive later?"

"Yes" he murmured quickly giving him a look.

Castiel smiled softly edging around him and making some dinner for himself. Dean let his eyes trail up and down him slowly enjoying the sight and felt an ache in his cock. He was desperate for it and needed this "drive" sooner rather than later.

"Dean!" Anna shouted from upstairs startling him and he pressed his lips together ignoring the look from Castiel and walked upstairs. Dean walked up to see her standing at the doorway with red rimmed eyes.

"Babe…"

"She had no right to say that to me" she whispered shaking her head. "She had no right!"

"She's just upset with the whole Michael situation and the fact she can't get in touch with your dick of a dad"

"Don't say that you haven't even met him" she scolded.

"So her way of reacting is hurting her children? She hurt Castiel, she knows it's his weak spot and this…this was mine" she said moving into the bedroom and sitting on the end of the bed. Dean watched her closely seeing the pain running underneath the happy façade she was so easily accustomed to. He sighed softly moving forward and kneeling forward to look into her tired eyes.

"You need to sleep" he murmured resting his hands on her knees. "You'll feel better with sleep and I'll talk to Kendal"

"I don't…"

"Well I'm telling you to" he ordered peering into her eyes. "You hardly slept last night because you were rolling around and uncomfortable"

"Okay" she murmured closing her eyes.

Regardless of everything he did still care about her and moved up kissing her forehead briefly. "Bed, now, I want you to sleep"

"Fine, you're so bossy" she muttered stripping out of clothes and moving under the covers to close her eyes. Dean watched her for a moment with a small smile before moving out and shutting the door closed. Dean let his head rest back against the wood and moved away heading downstairs. He glanced in to see Castiel eating at the table typing on his phone and looked in the living room to see Rachel on the floor colouring in and Kendal missing.

"Where's mommy, Rachel?"

"Apartment"

"Thank you" he muttered heading outside and towards the apartment with intent shining in his mind. Kendal opened the door and yelped a little softly when he barged in and turned on her.

"You had no right to say that to Anna"

"I know I'm so sorry…"

"No, no, you're not and like with Cas you're hurting so you take it out on your kids" he said with a look of disgust. "It's still raw, Kendal, Anna may act like everything is fine and dandy but it's not…you should know that and if you dare say one more word about it to her…I swear I'll not hold back like I am right now"

Kendal bit into her lip when he barged past her and walked back out. Dean stormed back up to the house and stood in the hallway breathing deeply in and out.

"Dean?"

Dean looked over to Castiel who walked over with concern deep in his eyes.

"It's fine, I could do with that drive though"

"Come on" Castiel murmured grabbing his keys and gripping his wrist to tug him out. They walked towards his car and out of the drive in two minutes flat. Dean shut his eyes leaning back into the leather and inhaled the cheap lemon car smell with a wrinkle of disgust.

"What the hell is this shit?" he murmured tugging the air spray down and glaring at it.

"It smells nice"

"It really doesn't" he muttered opening the window and chucking it out. Castiel opened his mouth surprised and shook his head staring out of the window.

"What was that all about before with Anna and mom?"

"Nothing"

Castiel shot him a glare feeling a little hurt and shoved away into the corner. "Oh"

"I just think Anna should tell you"

"I don't want Anna to tell me, I want you to tell me"

"After" he murmured softy looking over to him with wide eyes. "Please"

Castiel parked at the side of a deserted road glancing at him. "Promise me"

"I promise" he whispered into the darkness of the car.

Castiel didn't hold back as he unbuckled manoeuvring over and straddling his waist in the tight space. Dean gasped at the warmth that it brought looking up into his eyes to see dark bottomless eyes before warm lips pressed against his and he deepened the kiss.

"Your mouth is too good" Dean murmured pulling away breathing slightly harder and tracing his thumb across the bottom lip.

"Backseat" Castiel breathed against his thumb opening the car door and stepping out. Dean followed hastily climbing in first and laying on the leather watching as he shut the door climbing on top of him.

"Clothes" he ordered softly as they undressed trying to avoid kneeing and punching each other as they discarded all their clothes. Dean moaned when he felt the first skin to skin contact and remember why he loved being naked.

"Cas" he groaned breathlessly stroking a hand down his back cupping his ass and bringing it back up to the back of his neck. Castiel's lips moved down to kiss his collarbone and suck at the clavicle till Dean was panting harshly waiting for him to make the first move. Castiel hummed in approval grabbing his belt and tugging Dean's wrist above his head tying them together.

"Cas…?" he murmured glancing up at them in awe and confusion.

"Do not move them, understand?"

"Sure" he murmured spreading his legs in the small space and arching his neck with a loud moan when he stroked his hands down his inner thighs.

"I don't want you touching yourself or better yet…me" he murmured looking down him. "Not yet"

"Fuck, Cas" he hissed straining against the bonds. "Please, please, I have been…it's been four days"

"I know"

"Please…" he whispered rolling his hips and grinding their cocks together. He heard a small whimper and realised with surprise it came from his own mouth. Castiel grinned pressing a mouth over the sensitive nipple licking and teasing it till it stood to attention. Dean couldn't take his eyes off him and hissed when his lips trailed down his stomach flicking his tongue into his belly button.

"Fucking tease"

"I know"

"Cas, please" he begged squeezing his eyes shut. Dean gasped in relief when he seen Castiel reach down and come back up with items in his hands. Castiel ripped open the packet squeezing it onto his fingers and shoving a finger inside him roughly. Dean was not prepared for the sudden intrusion but enjoyed it anyway. The rough play was good, too good, and he wriggled needing more which was given when a second finger was added twisting and scissoring inside of him.

"More, Cas"

"Patience"

"Screw patience, fuck me" he muttered glancing up at his bound hands. "Untie me, please"

"Dean?"

"What?"

Castiel turned grabbing a sock shoving it into his mouth. "Be quiet"

Dean protested struggling to spit it down and stopped when Castiel lowered his head to kiss down his thigh slowly nipping at the skin. He hummed softly with his fingers still inside of him and carefully added a third watching his fingers slip in and out of the puckered hole in fascination. The fingers were slick with both sweat and lube causing him to smile and glance up at him bound and gagged with clothing. It was both arousing and thrilling. He loved the control. He wasted no time as he removed his fingers hearing him moan at the loss around the sock and desperate eyes looked at him.

"I'll always take care of you" he whispered removing the sock and kissing him soundly on the mouth before stuffing it back in. Dean protested with a roll of his eyes but relented when he felt the nudge of his cock near and the slow slide inside of him. Castiel moaned placing two hands on his shoulders bottoming out inside him and reached back wrapping Dean's leg around his thigh. Dean took over wrapping both around his waist and moaned around the gag till Castiel pulled it out with a smirk.

"Bastard"

"You wouldn't be quiet"

"Move, Cas" Dean murmured moving and gasping at the pleasure it brought. He moaned brokenly starting the slow build-up which soon pushed forward as he slammed hard inside him realising how much he had missed this.

"Harder" Dean begged feeling the belt bite into the skin of his wrists but not caring. It was too good and he felt the sweat break out over his forehead and chest, the leather sticking to his ass and the car creak underneath them. Castiel obeyed thrusting into him harder pressing his hands harder into his shoulders, his legs and arms aching with the force and loud groans escaping his lips to mix with Dean's. The heels of his feet pressed into his ass and Castiel groaned feeling his balls slap against his ass heavy and needing to feel release. Castiel gasped feeling the climax arrive suddenly and tossed his head back feeling his spine arch back as his orgasm washed over him. Dean felt the silky warmth creep up inside of him and grunted when Castiel near enough collapsed on top of him.

"Cas" he pleaded looking at his own cock trapped underneath his sweaty body and the friction was unbearable. Castiel flicked his eyes up to him despite how tired he felt and slid down covering his mouth over the head sucking him down. Dean yelled biting into his lips at the suction effect it had and rocked his hips slowly fucking deep into his mouth.

"So warm…" Dean moaned tossing his head clenching his bound hands and rocked harder hitting the back of his throat feeling him swallow down without so much as a gag. It was the tipping edge and he cried out climaxing the fluid down his throat hearing him cough a little but swallow it down. They both collapsed against each other in a sweaty post-sex haze covered in sweat and left over come. Dean moaned moving his hands forward for Castiel to undo which he did and Dean let his hands roam down the damp back slapping his ass hard. Castiel gasped glaring at him and moved forward biting into his jaw.

"You deserved that" Dean muttered pulling him into a kiss before dropping his head on the seat shifting and feeling the leather stick to his naked body.

"I need to tell you something" Castiel murmured when they shifted to get more comfortable and they lay together tangled but side by side.

"What?"

Castiel inhaled deeply smelling sex, sweat, and a hint of lemon. "I have a blind date"

"What?"

"Jo is setting me up with a man on a blind date" he murmured softly trailing his hand down his arm. "I have to do it"

"No you don't, you really don't"

"Yes, yes I do, Dean, because if I don't she will get suspicious" he replied sharply. "Nothing will happen anyway…it's just a date"

Dean snorted turning his head to look away from him. "I know I have no right to say you shouldn't considering I'm the one fucking married but…"

"Dean, it's a date, nothing more, we're not going to have sex or a second date…I just need to do this for Jo because she is still suspicious"

"Fine"

"Anyway…you promised you'd tell me"

Dean sighed glancing over to him and nodded. "Kendal mentioned something to Anna she really didn't want to hear"

"What was that?"

"You know when that got email about us getting married…what did you think?"

"I thought it was a joke at first but it was true, she married you, and I'm no…fool to Anna's…silly choices. I was doubtful, the marriage was too soon for her, she's not the married type and she never will be"

"I gathered, Cas, I could tell by all your reactions when I arrived" he said leaning his head on his chest listening to his heart. "Do you want to know why we married, Cas?"

"Yes"

Dean shifted lifting his eyes up to him and slowly reached down to his own hand sliding the ring off and placing it on Castiel's hip before starting the story.

"Anna and I met in Canada, it was a bar, and we got drinking, chatting, somehow…dancing, and eventually ended up in bed. I liked her, really liked her, she's different, bit of a free spirit and she told me about her travelling plans the next day…she was exactly the same as me. I was travelling out on my own and so was she. Anna called it fate so she asked me to join her and I did, simple as, I liked it and I liked her. We got our money together and travelled over to Africa of course with all our needle shots, money and sense of travel…it was easy, perfect, and lots of sex. Sex without a…condom"

Castiel who was listening carefully looked at Dean sharply. "What…?"

"We were stupid, so fucking stupid, and in the middle of a foreign country together. There was no one apart from us to depend on and…all I had was her. I thought I was in love with her, I didn't know but one day out of the blue she sits me down and tells me she's skipped her period, her breasts were tender and heavier, and she was throwing up. She told me she was pregnant. I didn't believe her, I thought it was some African disease but then she went out for ages and ages…she scared me to death and then she returned with a pregnancy test, took it, and she was pregnant" Dean said not meeting his eyes.

"I had only known her for about a month, she was pregnant, we were in Africa and I claimed to love her. Anna told me to prove the love I had for her and the baby, she wanted to make a real commitment for me, her, and our baby. I refused at first telling her it was too soon and we should wait so we did…we waited weeks and she grew more and more sick, the bump showing slightly on her skinny body and I decided…what the hell? She was the mother of my baby and I thought I was in love with this woman who had been thrown into my life so suddenly. I got the rings, all three of them, and I proposed. We got married about two weeks after in this little ceremony with an old couple as a witness"

"How romantic" Castiel breathed sarcastically.

Dean rolled his eyes trailing his fingers up and down his arm. "We were married, she was…ecstatic and I was happy she was happy. It was insane though, it's something silly little teenagers do, not grown adults, but we could it make it work. It went wrong through…"

Dean trailed off with a crack in his voice and Castiel wasn't sure he wanted to hear this anymore.

"It was about three weeks after the wedding, we were bed, and I woke up with Anna tugging on my arm with wet fingers. I turned on the lamp and all I could see was blood on my arm, Anna's panicked face and then her screaming. There was blood…everywhere" he muttered swallowing hard. "I yelled for our neighbour who spoke a bit of English and he came running, saw her, and picked her up in his arms taking her away. He took us straight to the hospital and she didn't make a sound through the whole journey"

"Anna was taken away and I was in this…hellhole of a hospital and I couldn't see her. I was waiting hours until a doctor came along thankfully speaking our own language and told me she had miscarried…no explanation over why and they had delivered the foetus, not baby, foetus, and took me to Anna. Anna wouldn't speak to me, she was silent, she wouldn't move, speak, nothing…it was three days until she spoke to me again. Anna said…she said it was fate that took away our baby, that she wasn't meant to be a mother, not yet, and everything happens for a reason"

Castiel exhaled shakily covering his mouth not knowing what to say or even do.

"It was bullshit or grief…I don't know. She was released eventually and she wanted to move on from Africa and over to Australia. It was like nothing had happened, she was like a mad woman packing her things, claiming we needed to move on now, and I couldn't stop her till she screamed at me to hurry up and broke down crying. I didn't know what to do so I just held her for a long, long time, and I realised our situation. We got married for the stupidest reason in the whole world, no one should marry over the sake of an unborn baby or because they thought they were in love. We stayed there for a few more weeks while she healed both physically and emotionally I guess before we made our move and went over to Australia, France, and all the others. It took time but we both somehow moved on from it, time's a great healer for that"

"What did my mom say to her?"

"Anna told Kendal when we got back, I wasn't there but Anna was crying a lot in bed that night. Anna was watching Rachel and Kendal on the karaoke and said that one day she hoped to do that with her daughter and Kendal said…will you be able to keep a hold of the baby long enough to even get this far"

"What?" Castiel said furiously.

"Anna slapped her in front of Rachel and stormed into the kitchen"

"It seemed fine when I walked in"

"Kendal acted like nothing happened and Rachel copied her"

Castiel swallowed slapping two hands over his face and moaned brokenly. "I can't…why didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know but that's why we married"

"I am the worst human being in the world" Castiel whispered dropping his hands looking over to him. "She's lost her baby and I've stolen you"

"You're not the worst human being in the world, Cas, and you didn't steal me, I stole you, and I care about Anna but the love I had for her wasn't deep enough for marriage" he said cupping his cheeks. "Yeah we lost our baby and I feel it every single day but it happened and we can't change that"

"I…I shouldn't have asked"

"You would have found out sooner or later"

"I am, I am the worst excuse of a human, a brother, and a son" he murmured dropping his head into his hands. Dean sighed gripping his chin and tilting it up.

"I'm also the worst excuse of a human, a brother, a son, and a husband" Dean whispered bringing him closer and pressing his forehead against this.

"Dean, this is messed up, this is insane"

"Yeah but we started this mess so we're going to make it even messier and then clean it up" Dean said softly with a shrug.

"You know on the dock when I said it was going to be fine?" Castiel whispered linking their hands together.

"Yeah"

"I lied"

"I know"

Castiel closed his eyes feeling Dean's lips graze against his and decided they were the craziest sons of bitches in the world but were they going to stop? No.

**A/N: Oh it's a huge mess isn't it? It's only going to get messier. I love drama. It's so fun to write. Plus there's going to be more sex, lies, cheating, old relationships, and family dramas. **

**Please don't moan at me for how the marriage started. It was my first and only idea. *shrugs and throws cookies* **


	9. Chapter 9

Ever since the marriage confession Dean had noticed that Castiel was avoiding him the best he could with work and sticking around the family. It was frustrating for Dean who knew the reason why and was getting slowly tired of it. It was a few days after the confession that Dean's will snapped and he waited outside the front door for Castiel to come back. Castiel stared at Dean who walked over to the car, gripped his wrist, and tugged him forcefully towards the apartments. Castiel bit into his lip choosing not to protest when he was practically thrown in by Dean who locked the door and faced him.

"Dean, I…" he said and was cut off when Dean's lips descended on his in a bruising kiss. Hands moved to clutch into his hair and he groaned gripping Dean back missing this connection between them. It was a long minute till Dean drew away kissing his throat softly and leaned back to peer into his eyes.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"You know why…"

"It happened, Cas, she miscarried and there is nothing I can do or you can do. It hurts yeah but Anna knows it was the probably for the best…" he said trailing off. "We weren't ready and we married for the wrong reasons"

"I feel so guilty" Castiel murmured when Dean pulled him closer so he was leaning against his shoulder. "I've been avoiding her so she couldn't tell me herself and I've taken you…I don't want to let you go now"

"Like I would let you" Dean muttered with a huff pressing a kiss to his forehead. Castiel hummed with a small smile curling his fingers into his t-shirt.

"I still feel guilt…"

"It seems that's all we're feeling lately" Dean muttered with a sigh tipping his chin up to kiss him softly. "You shouldn't feel guilty about the baby, that's our problem, and it doesn't matter now…we've both grieved and we're moving on"

"I can't help it…"

"Talk to her then"

"I don't think I can. I can't even look her in the eye anymore" Castiel replied arching his neck for Dean to run his mouth along flicking his tongue on his pulse and sucking softly. "Is there anymore I should know?"

"Like what?"

"I had already guessed there was more to this marriage and I was right, you're marriage is foolish, rushed, and it's barely hanging on but I feel there is more…like your family?" he hinted cupping his cheek. Dean swallowed hard looking down at the floor and shrugged a shoulder up and down. "Do your parents know...?"

"I don't want to talk about this, Cas" he said suddenly moving away from him.

"Do you not trust me?"

"I trust you"

"Then why will you…"

"Because I can't!" Dean shouted turning to face him. "I just…I can't"

Castiel stood still pressing his lips together watching the emotions flicker across his cheek and moved over slowly touching his shoulder first.

"Okay, it's okay, Dean, you don't have to tell me" he murmured bringing him close and pressing his forehead against his. Dean met his eyes wrapping his arms around his waist tucking him close and closing his eyes when he was content.

"You make me feel weird" Dean murmured feeling Castiel's lips turn into a smile and kiss the corner of his mouth.

"I know"

"I will tell you, just…not now"

"Okay" Castiel murmured wanting to keep the peace between them. "I'm sorry for avoiding you; it's my own personal way of dealing with it"

"Well don't avoid me, deal with it with me" he muttered tucking his head into the crook of his neck kissing the soft skin for a moment before resting there. Warmth flooded through Castiel and he couldn't resist nuzzling his temple with a grin.

Castiel stopped when he realised something and pulled back with a grimace. "I have that date tonight"

Dean froze against him slowly moving back to look into his eyes. "What's his name?"

"Jamie Matthews, he is apparently very clever, gorgeous, and enjoys poetry" he said with a small amused smile. "It sounds too perfect and I prefer you above the rest"

"What? Damaged, taken, a lunatic?"

"Oh yes but also beautiful, incredibly smart, good humoured, and a brilliant caring nature"

"Who the hell are you talking about?" Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "Do me one favour tonight?"

"I'm talking about you, Dean, and what?"

"Don't sleep with him; I know I have no right…"

"You don't have a right but I'm not going to have sex with him, Dean, I do have some standards"

"Even though he's gorgeous, talented, and motherfucking perfect"

"He sounds too perfect and like I said…I like my men a little fucked up" he said leaning over to kiss him softly stroking a hand into the back of hair were the hair was the softest. "It's going to be okay"

"Whatever you say"

"It will be in the end, it always is" he said with a fake smile leaning into kiss him more deeply this time and moved away heading to the door. "I need to get ready; I'll see you later on tonight"

Dean nodded watching him leave and sighed eyeing the drinking cabinet. Castiel walked in and halted glaring at Gabriel who jumped out on him.

"I hear you have a date tonight"

"Yes"

"I thought you were still hung up on B…"

"If you complete that sentence, I will cut your cock off and feed it Rachel's hamster" he said interrupting him. "No, I am not, and that is over and done with now"

"You're a cruel brother" Gabriel murmured covering his heart and stalking away dramatically.

Castiel glared at the retreating back and walked upstairs finding his thoughts drift to Balthazar feeling an uncomfortable feeling settle in his stomach. He hadn't heard a word from him since he left for Denmark which he was pleased about it but it made him uneasy. Balthazar _always _called and while he was relieved he hadn't it left him wondering why and had he finally listened to him?

Castiel decided not to make too much effort tonight dressing in a simple t-shirt and jeans to meet this guy in Jo's local pub. Dean was in when he walked downstairs and peered in the kitchen to see him standing next to Anna who was cooking. They looked calm and relaxed near one another and Castiel eyed Dean talking to her with warmth in his eyes. It created a knot inside his stomach and he walked in startling the both of them when he grabbed a drink.

"Oh hey you, I hear you have a date" Anna sang with a smirk pressing the wooden spoon to her lips.

"Yes" he said with wide eyes and a nod. "It's nothing"

"I hope it goes very well for you, you need someone in your life"

Castiel hummed sipping his drink meeting Dean's eyes and looked away. "Maybe, I'll see you later"

Anna chuckled watching him leave and shook her head looking back to her food. "No we won't"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I know my brother better than he knows himself and a few drinks, sweet talk, and a few suggestions they'll be fucking" she said with a soft laugh. "It always happens"

Dean met her smile with his own forced one and felt something twist and an ache spread across his chest at the thought. It hurt, really hurt, and he was almost desperate enough to chase after him and beg him not to go. He glanced over to Anna cooking and swallowed hard moving away with clenched hands. Dean sat down in the living room looking at Rachel tucked up in the corner watching the DVD with a thumb in her mouth. He felt an uncomfortable squeeze in his heart when he wondered if his daughter, if the baby was a girl, would have been like her.

He mentally punched the thoughts away and brought his own thumb up to his mouth and chose to bite around the skin nervously. What if Castiel did sleep with him? He couldn't say or do jack shit about it but the thought terrified him. Dean didn't want Castiel sleeping with another man if it wasn't him and that was selfish and needy of him.

"Why are you sucking your thumb?" Rachel said interrupting his train of thought.

"Copying you squirt"

Rachel grinned at him continuing to watch her film leaving Dean to his thoughts and dimly hearing Gabriel and Anna bickering in the kitchen.

Castiel arrived at the pub walking inside and glanced around to see Jo tucked in the corner with a man with the curliest black hair he had ever seen, small nose, big brown eyes, and a charming smile. Castiel walked over and winced internally when Jo jumped up with a grin and a wink kissing his cheek.

"Jamie, this is Castiel, Castiel, this is Jamie" she said making the introductions so they shook hands and he sat opposite the pair of them. Jo looked between them with a pleased hum.

"Right, gents, I'll be off now" she said shimmying out and winking at Castiel. "Enjoy!"

"Just so you know, I'm doing this for Jo" Castiel said when she left. "I hate to be blunt but nothing is going to come out of this"

"Okay…" Jamie said softly with a raised eyebrow. "Why are you here then?"

"My own personal reasons, I'm protecting not only myself but the person I really want to be with right now" he said scratching his cheek.

"You're in a relationship?" he said astonished.

"No"

"But you're with someone?"

"Yes"

"Can I leave?"

"Only if you tell Joanna Beth that this was night was very successful but we aren't going to meet again"

"Why would I do that?"

"To get her off my case about dating, I'll owe you one in the future" he said with an offhand shrug. Jamie narrowed his eyes baffled and with a small sigh nodded.

"Fine"

"Just like that"

"Why not? To be honest I didn't want to come on this date after getting out of a four year relationship so we both win, don't we" he said with own shrug getting up and saluting before he left. Castiel hummed drumming his fingers on the table before getting up and having a few drinks here before returning to the house and hoping to get an hour in that apartment with Dean. It was a small comfort for now but Castiel knew that after a while it wouldn't be. It hurt now to wake up in a big cold bed knowing Dean was on the other side of the wall tucked around his sister. Castiel knew that he wouldn't be able to do that, he couldn't get into the bed rolling into Dean's arm, feel his warm breath on the back of his neck, his warm arms and body around him keeping him safe and content. It made him sad and the more he felt it the more he ordered drinks.

Three hours later and he was drunk. He knew he was drunk when the bartender in his late fifties with a grey beard, kind eyes, and a loud grumbling laugh became attractive. Castiel shifted with a moan stumbling out and deciding it was a great idea to start walking to the house not caring it was pitch black now and his vision was wavering. He somehow made it 45 minutes to stumble up the driveway managing to avoid falling down, again, and damage his already scratched hands. Castiel hummed wanting Dean now and pulled out his phone dialling his number. Dean answered on the second ring.

"Cas?"

"Hey you"

"Cas, where are you?"

"Driveway, can-can you come to the apartment? Are they asleep?"

"Well…Rachel is, Gabriel and Kendal are watching TV and Anna is in the bath" he murmured in a low voice.

"Apartment, now" he ordered in a low voice too. "Please"

"Fine wait there" he said hanging up and glancing in before walking to the front door and slipping out. Dean looked around the semi dark driveway and walked down to see Castiel stumbling towards him with the happiest smile he had ever seen.

"Cas?" he murmured when he fell into his chest and arms.

"God I want you" he murmured hooking his hands around his neck.

"You're drunk" Dean said with a nod pulling him with him as they walked to the apartment. Castiel hummed delighted clinging to his hand and gasped when Dean shoved him in turning on the lamp and locking the door.

"What happened?" Dean said folding his arms across his chest fixing him with hard eyes. "Three hours, Cas"

"You have no idea how sexy you look right now" Castiel said with a small chuckle. "I want you"

"Cas, I asked you a question"

"I know, so commanding, take off your clothes and I'll talk" he murmured walking over and cupping his cheeks. "Strip"

"No, tell me what happened" he said removing his hands.

Castiel huffed rolling his eyes dramatically. "Nothing happened! One minute into the date I told him I didn't want anything to happen and I'm only protecting myself and the one I like, you by the way, and he left"

"Seriously?"

"Yes! Nothing happened, Dean, I swear my love" he murmured kissing his chin. "Will you strip for me?"

"Is that all that happened?"

"Yes! I got drunk after that and here I am…with you…and I want you so much, I need to feel you, all of you, I want to wake up next to you"

"You know that can't happen" Dean whispered and frowned sadly when Castiel pouted with his best puppy dog eyes coming to life. It made Dean's insides melt into goo and he moved forward cupping his cheeks softly.

"Stop that"

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking like a wounded puppy" Dean said with a deep sigh inhaling alcohol. "I want to wake up with you as well"

"I hate that I wake up alone and you're next door, you ass, and I hate that I can't feel my face" he said poking at his cheek. "I feel so numb and I'm so tired"

"You're so cute drunk" he whispered with a snort of laughter. "I was worried you would sleep with him"

"I told you I wouldn't and Jo told me he would be attractive and he wasn't…he looked like a human poodle" Castiel murmured with a deep frown. "I wouldn't sleep with him, I have you, Dean, and you're perfect"

"I think you need sleep" Dean murmured when his arms wrapped around his neck and he moulded fitting into his body. Castiel laughed softly shaking his head.

"Dean, please, stay with me here…tell Anna that I was throwing up and you were concerned about me" he pleaded looking into his eyes.

"She'll come looking for me"

"Go…go into the house and-and tell her I'm really, really, drunk and you want to stay with me" he whispered digging his nails into the back of his neck. "Please"

Dean struggled looking into the wide blue eyes filling his vision and could feel his head moving on its own accord to nod. Castiel gaped in astonishment clapping his hands like an overexcited seal and stumbled backwards falling onto his ass with a groan.

"You're hopeless" Dean said closing his eyes. "Stay there"

Castiel hummed leaning back onto his elbows giving him a leering smile and a wink when he walked out leaving him to giggle on the floor like a big drunk girl. Dean walked up to the house ignoring Gabriel and Kendal debating over a cop show and ran upstairs to see Anna in the bedroom wrapped in a towel.

"Hey babe, Cas is back and…he's drunk" he said breathless.

"No surprise there"

"He's crashed in the apartment and throwing up…everywhere and he doesn't want me to leave him" he lied easily. "I said I'd sleep on the chair next to him just in case"

Anna turned to look at him bemused. "You've grown close to him haven't you?"

"Well…he's a friend"

Anna smiled at him warmly and nodded walking over to give him a kiss. "Make sure he doesn't choke will you?"

"Of course" he said kissing her briefly back. "See you in the morning"

Anna nodded with a small chuckle when he left and got ready for bed without second guessing it. Dean headed out of the front door again and back to the apartment locking it behind him and looked at Castiel drinking from a bottle of vodka.

"Cas, no!" he cried walking over and snatching it away. Castiel yelped shooting him a wounded look wobbling in his position.

"What-what was that for?"

"You're already drunk, you dick, lie down now" he murmured stashing it away. Castiel hummed eyeing him.

"Let's have sex" he murmured gripping his shoulders. "I want you so much"

"No way, you reek, Cas, and not in a good way" Dean murmured pushing him down on the couch. "Do you want to throw up?"

"Nope" he said popping the "p" and smiling widely at him. "You're so beautiful, Dean, no, listen to me, Dean, are-are you listening to me?"

"I'm listening to you" he muttered taking off Castiel's shoes and socks.

"You're so beautiful with your apple eyes, your freckles that I want to count over and over again, your body, god your body, and your hair which I love running my-my hands into because it's like…sand and rainbows"

"You're hammered, Cas, sit up" he said taking off his t-shirt.

"You are, you are, Dean, and you-you need to believe this" he said loudly gripping his shoulders. "I want you to know something, shush, shush, come here"

Dean fought back a smirk when he pulled him forward looking into his eyes. "I-I stole Gabriel's Buffy DVD's"

"I thought you didn't"

"It's punishment for being a damn…trickster" he said with a scowl. "They're in-in my underwear drawer"

"How naughty of you" Dean murmured chuckling and undressing himself so they could sleep.

"Aw, are you stripping for me?"

"Yes, baby, just for you"

"You're so sexy" he murmured reaching out for him. Dean moved over grabbing the waste basket and putting it near the couch.

"Just in case"

"I'm fine!" Castiel snapped leaning back and giggling. Dean shook his head at the small laugh, an actual fucking giggle, coming out of his lips before moving over and plunging the room into semi darkness when he turned out the light.

Dean moved them till his back was facing the sofa and Castiel was near the edge in case he needed to throw up. They wriggled till Dean was spooning him with his arms wrapped around his waist, Castiel nestled into the crook of his neck breathing warm air on him.

"Dean?" he whispered loudly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome" he murmured pressing his lips to his forehead.

They slipped into silence with Castiel nestled into him breathing deeply and relaxed completely into him.

"Dean?"

"What?"

"I think I should get a cat"

"No, go to sleep now"

"Okay"

"Dean?"

"What?!"

"How about a duck?"

"Cas, shut up and go to sleep"

"Fine"

Dean sighed deeply nestling into the pillow needing sleep more than ever.

"D-Dean?"

"What, Cas?"

"Can I love you?"

"Yeah if you go to sleep"

"Okay"

Silence came after that leaving Dean to stare into the darkness for a long time before moving his eyes down to Castiel snoring softly on his shoulder. He swallowed hard wondering if Castiel would know what he said in the morning. His heart hammered hard at the simple drunk words because they meant more than he realised. Dean couldn't sleep after that listening to Castiel breathe in and out till around 2am he woke up with a groan.

"Cas?"

"Sick" he murmured simply rolling to the waste basket and throwing up noisily into it. Dean grimaced in disgust when the smell hit him but rubbed his back when the vomit kept on coming till he slumped on the couch exhausted.

"Dean" he said with a whimper.

"It's okay baby" he soothed kissing the back of his neck. Dean reached down grabbing his t-shirt and handed it to him to wipe his mouth on. Castiel looked up at him sighing deeply when his cool fingers smoothed down the side of his face.

"You need to throw up anymore?"

He did. For three hours Dean sat with him while he threw up noisily into the basket whimpering and moaning into Dean's now damp chest. Dean simply stayed there soothing him with temple kisses and stroking a hand down his back. Dean knew it was more than just sex now not only for himself but for Castiel who crawled into his lap laying his head on his shoulder breathing with him and listening to his pulse. They were tucked up in secret in an apartment reeking of sick and alcohol and that was all they had right now and it was all they were going to have.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming!**


	10. Chapter 10

Dean woke up feeling very confused and warm inhaling deeply the smell of sick, sweat, and alcohol faintly around him. He turned his head to see Castiel sleeping on his shoulder on the couch blissfully asleep and snorted softly reaching up a hand to trail it into his hair.

"Cas?" he murmured softly wanting to wake him up despite the horrendous hangover he was going to suffer. "Wake up"

"No, stop it, why are you so evil" Castiel mumbled burying his face into the crook of his neck. "I feel so ill"

"I'm not surprised, you necked half a bottle of vodka" Dean murmured glancing at his watch. "It's nearly half ten"

"What?" Castiel said astonished looking up at him and wincing. "You're too pretty, I can't look at you"

"Did…did you just say you're too pretty I can't look at you?" Dean said with a splutter of laughter.

"Yes, you hurt my head looking at you"

"You do look like shit"

"Fuck you"

"Maybe later when you're not stinking of sick and alcohol, you reek dude" Dean murmured shoving him gently and climbing up. He glanced down at the waste basket with a look of disgust and picked up the plastic bag gingerly taking it outside. The fresh air was a relief which he inhaled and glanced at the blue sky knowing it was going to be a nice day. He was about to turn back inside when he saw Gabriel leaning against the doorframe watching him with narrowed eyes while smoking.

"Why, Deano, how was spending the night with my baby brother?"

"I didn't spend the night with him"

"Oh" he murmured with a smirk. "So what did you do?"

"I comforted my brother in law while he threw up" he argued back with a sneer and turned his back walking back into the apartment.

"Sure you did" Gabriel murmured sucking on the end with a chuckle.

Dean looked into see Castiel heaving into the basket and grimaced. "You really couldn't wait till I put another bag in could you?"

"No" he whined slumping back with a sweaty brow and a moan of distress. "Dean, I think I'm dying"

"Nope you're hung over"

"Dean, please do me a huge favour and shut up, come here and cuddle me please" he said opening his arms.

"Oh aren't you a poor baby" Dean said with a chuckle moving over and dropping down onto his knees pulling him into his arms. He smiled when his arms wrapped around him and he climbed onto him like a little bear wanting affection. Castiel nodded giving him his best puppy eyes and smiling when Dean nuzzled his cheek.

"I had better get back to Anna though"

"No" Castiel said shaking his head clinging to him. "You're mine today"

"Cas…"

"No" he whispered with a small smile resting his head on his shoulder. Dean smiled more to himself stroking a hand down his back thinking back to last night.

"Cas, do you remember most of last night?"

"Not really, it's very vague" he murmured with a sigh.

"So…nothing important"

"Not really, why what did I say?"

"Nothing important" he murmured turning his head to let his lips rest against his forehead. "I will have to see Anna though before anyone else gets suspicious"

Castiel looked up at him confused by the sentence. "Who is suspicious?"

"Gabriel, I think he thinks something _more _is going on"

"Ignore him, he second guesses everything"

"Oh" Dean said when realisation hits him. "I think you need to go into your underwear drawer and give him back his DVD's"

"I told you that!?" Castiel said shocked biting into his lip. "I know but I like making him fret and worry he's chucked them away…it's his favourite season"

"You are pure evil, Mr Milton"

"Only a little bit"

"I still think we should both get back, you need to eat, shower, and sleep some more"

"I want to sleep with you"

"Cas…"

"I know" he murmured with a sigh pulling back to look at him with sad eyes. "Come on"

They gathered their clothes dressing before they went out and Castiel stumbled over him heading to the door, waiting till Dean joined him and they walked out together. They walked inside into an empty house and paused each with a frown of their own wondering what was going on.

"Anna?" Dean called walking upstairs. "Are you here?"

Anna poked her head around giving him a smile. "Mom is out getting groceries and speaking to her publisher and Gabriel is having sex at work"

"I didn't need to hear that" he murmured with a scowl. "Are you okay?"

"Yes" she said with a raised eyebrow when he walked up. "How's…"

"Who, little old me, I'm ill" Castiel said gently pushing Dean out of the way as he walked upstairs. "Dean looked after me"

"Aw, good, he looks after everyone" she said with a grin watching him collect a towel and head to the bathroom for a well needed shower. Castiel turned to look at them both before slamming the door hard behind him. Anna chuckled shaking her head and grabbing his hand to tug him into the bedroom.

"What? What are we doing?"

"Cas showers for twenty minutes, I'm sure we can find something to do in eighteen minutes" she murmured wrapping her arms around his neck pressing against him. Dean kissed her back for a moment before feeling a flood of wrongness about this and shoved her back gently.

"I…I'm not really in the mood babe, I'm tired, Cas threw up on me and I just want to sleep" he murmured trying to ignore the rejected look in her eyes. Anna stepped back when Dean did moving to strip out of his clothing.

"We haven't…Dean, we haven't had sex since we arrived nearly three months now and we're…we're married! Married couples in their sixties are the once who aren't meant to be having sex, not us, not in our twenties" she said with a deep sigh, eyes clouded in deep sadness. "It's frustrating for me because I'm spending all my time with my family, old friends, reliving my memories of…everything, and searching for a job. You, on the other hand, have been spending all your time drinking, eating, and with Castiel. You talk more with him or spend hours on the phone with Sam"

"I miss my brother"

"I know you do…"

"I'm going to see him soon, I need to see him"

"I know"

"Look…I'm sorry, okay, but I'm not in the mood" he snapped pulling the cover tight around him and facing her back towards him. Anna swallowed feeling tears prickle in her eyes and went to speak when her throat seemed to close over in reaction. Dean heard her move out and close the door with a snap behind her. He dimly heard the front door slam shut and her footsteps walking down the drive and away. Dean threw off the cover looking out and quickly realised they were home alone but did a quick scan of the house before he looked at the bathroom door with a small smile.

Castiel was washing his hair enjoying the warmth of his shower soothing his pounding when the door opened and someone stepped in.

"Anna?" he said poking his head around to see Dean. "What are you…?!"

"Anna and I had a little fight, she stormed out, and we're home alone"

"Seriously"

"Seriously"

"Get in here"

"Thought you'd never ask" Dean said pulling off his boxers and stepping into push him against the tiled bathroom wall. Castiel smiled when he tipped his chin up kissing him softly before deepening the kiss and licking into his mouth tasting peppermint this time and really, really liking it.

"I want you to fuck me Dean" he murmured pressing his hands on his shoulders. "Please"

"We don't have a condom"

"I know" he murmured with a smile. "Please, I'm clean, I check every month and I've honestly never caught a thing"

"Okay" he whispered spinning him around till Castiel was pressed against the cold war feeling a shiver run through him. Dean moved till the water was running down his back and he grabbed the shower gel squirting enough onto to his fingers and hands. Castiel gasped at the warm touch breaching him suddenly and he moaned pressing his forehead against the wall. His cock twitched to interest arching and hardening in front of him wanting to be touched but with Dean's fingers twisting and working inside of him.

"Dean, fuck" he moaned softly arching his head back to collide with his shoulder. Dean hummed with a smile kissing underneath his ear and jabbing a third inside him knowing a part of Castiel liked it rough and dirty. Castiel's moans echoed around the bathroom as he whined for more rocking his hips backwards fucking onto his fingers desperately.

"You get loud when no one is around, don't you?"

"Dean, please, please" he begged when Dean's fingers pulled halfway out. "Please"

"This, baby, is payback for you shoving a sock into my mouth"

"Call me baby again"

"No" he purred into his ear removing his fingers completely and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Are you ready?"

"Yes" he murmured breathlessly leaning into him and gasping clutching his hands against the tiles when Dean slid inside him with one deep thrust. Dean gasped mouthing at his ear at the incredible heat that went with it. It was different, so different, without a condom and it was almost unbearable.

"Dean…" he croaked breathing hard. "Move"

"God you're so tight" he murmured into the crook of his neck sliding and thrusting inside the tight hot body. "You…you're awesome"

"Dean, harder" he ordered clinging to his arm. Dean nodded moving his head to lean against the back of his neck as he fucked him hard and fast against the bathroom wall. The heat from the shower spread around him like a caress and spurred him onto fuck Castiel harder and quicker.

"Dean…touch me" he insisted with a shattering moan. Dean obliged wrapping a hand around his cock already glistening with water, soap, and precome. He pumped him once, twice, and a third time before Castiel gasped breathlessly letting his head fall back heavily against his shoulder when his orgasm hit, his body clamping up around Dean's cock and bringing about his own climax. Dean gasped leaning his forehead against the back of his neck and resting there feeling sweat gather all over his body. Castiel groaned softly when Dean's now flaccid cock slipped out of him leaving him feeling empty and his come to trail down his legs out of his ass. It felt dirty but oh so good.

He turned moving under the water and looked up at Dean who pulled into a kiss. Dean licked across his bottom lip tasting his shampoo but not caring as he ran his fingers into his hair wanting and needing to do this forever.

"What did you and Anna argue about?" Castiel said grabbing his sponge and starting to scrub himself and Dean down with the soap.

"She wanted us to…well you know"

"Oh" Castiel murmured feeling a twist in his gut and met his eyes. "How far did you…?"

"A kiss before I shoved her away…I can't do it, Cas, it feels too weird now"

"I've corrupted you"

"Yeah, you've corrupted me" Dean muttered with a small snort trailing his hands down his back and slapping his ass hard. "Good job on it as well"

"I didn't know I should feel proud"

"You can feel what you want"

Castiel looked up at him through his lashes with a small smile scrubbing down his chest thoughtfully. Dean hummed closing his eyes enjoying the feeling of having someone else to wash him for once.

"Cas, I'm going to visit Sam soon, like really soon"

"How long will you be gone for?" he said shocked looking up at him.

"Week, maybe two or three if I want"

"Oh" he muttered staring into his eyes and swallowing hard at the punch in his chest at the thought of not seeing Dean for three weeks. "I…you will be taking Anna with you I see"

"No"

"She's your wife"

"She doesn't want to come"

"What?" Castiel said genuinely confused. "Why wouldn't she want to come?"

"She doesn't want to intervene on me reuniting with my brother, she doesn't want to leave Kendal when she's feeling fragile either" he said tipping his head back into the water. "So…do you want to come?"

Castiel gaped at him shocked not knowing what to say when Dean finished up and stepped out of the shower dripping wet.

"I…wouldn't it be a little weird and concerning that your wife doesn't come but your brother in law does?"

"Not if you lie" he said with a shrug.

"What are you talking about?"

"Tell them you and the work crew are going on a camping trip" he said with a shrug. "Come with me instead and when we come back…I'll drop you off somewhere for a bit and you can come back the next day"

Castiel joined him on the mat staring at him in shocked awe. "You've thought all this through haven't you?"

"Well…I'd like to spend time with you without the prospect of being caught and since Sam and Jess are running a little low on money lately they're staying in a one bedroom apartment so…me and you would have to get a motel room, one bed, I can wake up to you every morning and to Sam…though I hate lying to him, you will be the brother in law coming along to keep me company and see New York"

"Stop making it so tempting"

"It's up to you but just think about it" Dean said rubbing a towel through his hair.

"They'd be so suspicious though, Dean, and it's very risky"

"More the fun don't you think?"

"Just a little bit" he said with a hard swallow. "If we're caught…"

"I've already picked my coffin"

"That's not funny…" Castiel said with a deep scowl. "We're in this together"

Dean smiled tugging him forward into his chest and kissing him soundly. "So…want to take a huge risk?"

"I'll have to take time off work and have all of them cover for me…Dean, if they find out…I can't say it's work if they go past the restaurant or see Jo…it'll be ruined" he said shaking his head. "I'll make something up, I'll…"

"What?"

"I'll tell them I'm…I'm going to visit Balthazar"

"What?"

"I know but they might believe me"

"No way"

"Dean, I'll be with you really…I'll just tell I'm going to sort some stuff out with him in Denmark and instead…go to New York with you. I'll leave two days before, stay in a motel, cover my tracks and you come pick me up"

Dean huffed out a breath not liking this one little bit and looked him in the eyes. "Fine but don't make it out you're getting back together"

"Oh so commanding, Dean, you're so sexy when you're getting all flustered"

"Shut up" he muttered opening the door and shoving him back till they hit Castiel's door and shoved him in covering his mouth. Castiel huffed out a laugh slamming the door shut behind him and the pair of them tumbled into the bed.

Finding the right time now, Gabriel stepped out of the darkness of his bedroom hidden from coming back in a rush to get forgotten files he needed for a now missed meeting. He had heard the desperate moans from both Dean and Castiel in the bathroom, the hushed conversations and the stumbling of frantic kisses towards Castiel's bedroom. Gabriel turned to look at the bedroom door with narrowed eyes not knowing what to do. What could he do now?

_**~0~0~0~**_

Three weeks passed by since Castiel and Dean's secret arrangement and the unknown discovery of their affair being spied on by Gabriel. Gabriel held this secret close to him biding his time and simply…watching. Many other people would scream, shout, and demand to know what's going on but not Gabriel, he wanted to watch, wait, and see with his own eyes. Gabriel saw now what others overlooked or didn't see from the longing gazes, the touches shy and lingering more than they should, the secret messages exchanged between them from disappearing into the apartment, going out into the car and coming back more than happy, flustered and royally fucked out. It drove Gabriel mad with how much his own mom and his own sister missed this, it was plain and obvious as the fucking sun in the house.

Gabriel saw the frantic need, the lust, and the possessiveness in both of them over one another, and underneath all that he saw the shimming love between them binding like an invisible robe. It was clear in Castiel's eyes when he looked at Dean secretly or when Dean watched him from afar. It was driving Gabriel to drink and frustrated sex with co-workers who were only too happy to please him.

It was no surprise when Dean announced he was off to see his brother and Anna would stay here with Kendal. Kendal was still struggling badly with the announcement of Michael's wedding, the clear indication that the family wasn't invited and no word from their father. It was also no surprise for Gabriel who watched from the couch when Castiel said he was off to Denmark to "visit" Balthazar and he smirked softly when Kendal and Anna protested his actions to meet with his ex-boyfriend and sort through their problems. It was a big fat lie and Gabriel knew it.

"Balthazar" Gabriel said startling Castiel as he packed and looked at Gabriel confused. "I thought you were over him"

"I am, I just…I need to sort a few things out with him"

"Are you sure? Are you not going to jump in bed with him? Fuck him like you always do"

"No, Gabriel, I'm not going to fuck him"

Gabriel scoffed rubbing his finger across his own bottom lip. "You always fuck him, he's your weakness"

Castiel swallowed hard looking down at his suitcase. "No"

"Yes, he will _always _be your weakness no matter _who _you're with because he was your first love"

"Gabe, go away and leave me alone, and no...he is not my weakness, he never was" he said through gritted teeth throwing clothes into his suitcase. "I thought you would have thought better of me"

Gabriel remained silent leaning against the doorframe simply watching him pack and zip up the suitcase. "So did I"

Castiel looked up at him confused grabbing the suitcase and putting it on the floor. "I'll see you when I get back"

"Yeah, little bro, just…be careful, okay?"

"Of course I will" he murmured grabbing his passport and tugging it with him. "I'm always careful"

"Not always, believe me, and I will not see you get hurt"

"I'll see you soon Gabriel"

Gabriel swallowed hard when he walked back flashing him a small warm smile and down the stairs. He heard the goodbyes from Kendal and Anna but moved to watch from the suitcase when Dean did. Gabriel watched as Dean hugged Castiel briefly goodbye, his hands lingering on his lower back before moving away with a nod. Gabriel fixed cold eyes onto Dean who seemed to feel the gaze and looked up at Gabriel confused. Gabriel smiled at him in acknowledgement before it slipped and he walked away out of sight. Two weeks, two weeks away with Dean cheating and humiliating Anna, the family, and ruining themselves was all that Gabriel could think of as he sat in the middle of his bed. Gabriel protected his family, he would always protect his family, and it was duty to set things right.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel looked out of the cheap motel room waiting for the car tapping his foot impatiently. He had managed to cover his tracks enough to make it believable that he had flown to Denmark and with holidays from work at his use he could take time off. His heart jumped at the sight of the black car and he grabbed his stuff walking out and standing at the door.

"Hey loser, get in, we're going New York" he called to him and let out a loud laugh.

"What was that?" Castiel said when he stepped out completely confused.

"Mean Girls, Cas, oh please tell me you've seen it"

"No, why have you watched something called Mean Girls"

"Four slutty hot girls" Dean said with a shrug. "It was alright, little cliché"

"You…you never cease to amaze me, Dean" he said handing him his suitcase so he could put him it in.

"I know, right? I'm awesome" he said pulling him into a brief kiss and climbing into the car. "Are you ready?"

"New York here we come" Castiel murmured with a smile leaning back into his seat feeling a buzz of excitement and freedom.

**A/N: I have a new job now so…updates might lessen now. Every two to three days? I don't know but it's going to exhaust me. **

**Anyway! More drama to come! Hehe! **


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel felt like a little child seeing a brand new city for the first time, his forehead was pressed against the cold window staring up at the passing buildings of New York and he glanced over to Dean looking over to him amused.

"Enjoying New York?"

"Dean, I'm never going back" he muttered in awe. "We need to look in every shop…is that the statue of Statue of Liberty?!"

"Cas, we are nowhere near it"

"Take me there"

"Fine but not now, I need to get to this damn motel" he murmured looking at the instructions to get there before meeting up with Sam in the evening.

"This is so risky of us"

"Mmm" Dean said with a hum turning into a street. "Maybe a little too risky"

"Do you think we'll get caught?"

"Honestly?" Dean said turning his head to look at him. "I don't know but I know that this could blow up around us if we're caught"

"What if we were?" Castiel murmured softly not wanting to ask it but needing to know the answer.

"I don't know" Dean murmured turning into the car park and looking at the motel with a nod. "Not bad and it's cheap"

"I don't care as long as it had a bed and hot water"

"I need television" Dean murmured as they climbed out and he left Castiel by the car with the bags while he paid the deposit and got the keys. Castiel looked around and smiled faintly realising he was in New York. He had dreamt of coming to New York all his life and here he was with the man he wanted to be with. Dean walked over jangling the keys and picked up his bag looking at the number.

"Come on then" he murmured looking for their door and walking in with a low whistle. "Not bad"

"It had your TV and a king bed" he said dumping his suitcase down. "What should we do?"

"Well we have a couple of hours before we have to meet Jess and Sam so…" he said with a suggestive look.

"Is sex all you think about, Dean?"

"70% of the time, 25% is you and the 5% is pie and beer" he said with a smile.

Castiel eyed him carefully fighting back a smile. "Charming as ever"

"You do realise I haven't seen you in two days since that car journey"

"How did you cope without me?"

"Badly" Dean murmured gripping his wrist and pulling him towards him. "Anna was being weird, Gabriel was being even weirder, Rachel is learning to read books properly, and Kendal is ten seconds from a mental breakdown"

"Are you still pleased you married into our family?" Castiel said softly undressing Dean.

"In a way, I married for the wrong reasons but I met you along the way and for that…I'm glad. I hate that I'm hurting her, I've ruined the marriage now and I'm cheating on her in the worst way possible…but I do still care about her. I thought I was in love with her, I was just wrong and now…"

"Now…?" he said undressing himself and shooting Dean a quizzical look.

"I don't know what to feel" he whispered tilting his chin up and kissing him hard. Castiel moaned eagerly, hands clutching at his shoulders feeling the warm skin underneath his palms and fingers, and eagerly dug in backing him onto the bed. Dean gasped when Castiel shoved him down with lust burning brightly in his eyes as he straddled his waist wearing nothing but his underwear. Dean moaned when the soft material stroked along his bare thighs and half hard cock.

"Cas, please, fuck me…hard" he muttered eagerly digging his hands onto his thighs and shifting back till he was in the middle their bed. Castiel lifted off him allowing him to spread his legs rocking his lips up eagerly, he hummed reaching down for the lube.

"Condom or...?"

"No, no condom" Dean breathed lifting his eyes to watch and biting his lip in anticipation when the lube cap was lifted and he spread the red gel onto his fingers. Castiel flicked his eyes up to watch him when he pressed the first finger into spread him open meeting resistance but feeling it slowly slip away as he wriggled and arched adding another finger inside him. The heat was intoxicating as he crooked his fingers brushing along his prostrate eliciting shivers and pulses of warmth and pleasure inside of Dean. Dean moaned when the fingers wriggled and itched inside him.

"Cas…" he pleaded fisting the cover underneath him. Castiel did as he asked and lined up before sliding deep inside him quick and roughly. Dean gasped wordlessly looking up at Castiel above him and exhaled shakily feeling the heavy weight now buried deeply inside him. Castiel began the slow slide inside of him as he thrusted slowly bringing his mouth down to kiss him briefly and slowly. Dean eagerly lifted up cupping the back of his neck and wrapping his legs around his body losing himself slowly bit by bit. He reached down wrapping a hand around his own cock this time and pumped and stroked himself in time with his thrusts inside him feeling his climax build up inside of him slowly and he groaned closing his eyes and rocking his hips up slowly.

"Come for me" Castiel whispered softly covering Dean's hand with his own and bit into his lip when he clenched down clamping up and groaned loudly spilling onto his hand and covering his chest. Castiel followed soon after a final thrust inside him, he moaned arching his neck back and feeling his back curve in response as he rode out his orgasm breathing heavily and collapsed down on Dean who caught him. Dean moaned hearing his heartbeat race in his ears and his lungs fight for breath.

"Fuck" Dean breathed looking at him when he lifted off him breathing out heavily. "I think we've christened this"

"I know" he murmured softly in reply pulling out of him and kneeling in between his legs. "Do you want to join me in the shower?"

"No, no, you go first" Dean said shifting up to lean against the headboard and grabbed the menu in curiosity. Castiel hummed walking away and out into the small bathroom while Dean looked at the menu.

His phone rang in his pocket startling him and he fished it out to see that Anna was calling him.

"Anna?" he said in greeting sitting up and glancing at the bathroom hearing the shower running.

"You didn't ring me to tell me you arrived there" she scolded.

"Sorry babe…I was distracted" he said softly scratching behind his neck. "I'm here and I'm meeting up with Sam soon"

"I miss you already, remember to call me tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah"

"I'll see you soon"

"Sure, you too" he murmured distracted and hung up placing the phone down with a sigh. He hated lying to her and knew the dishonesty, the lies, the affair and everything ugly with what they were doing would eventually turn around and bite them both in the ass hard. It would bring everything out and he didn't know if he was ready for that just yet. Dean knew Castiel would be tore away from him, his family would cast him out, and he'd lose all his family. Dean wasn't sure he was worth all of that.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't hear Castiel come out of the bathroom and kneel on the bed to wrap his arms around his shoulders.

"Did I hear you on the phone?"

"Anna called me"

"Oh"

"I didn't call her to tell her I arrived, I was a bit lost in you fucking me" he murmured leaning his head against his. Castiel smiled softly closing his eyes and remaining there for a long minute before moving away to get dressed.

"Hurry up and shower or do you want to meet your brother smelling of sweat and semen?"

"Yeah, yeah" Dean muttered with an eye roll going for his own shower. One hour later they were both showered and ready to meet Sam and Jess at their apartment. Dean stood staring at the yellow door glancing back to Castiel who nodded once in encouragement for him to knock only once before the door opened in a blur. Dean stared at Jess whose blonde curls were in a mess and her eyes excited as she looked at him and Castiel where they dimmed in confusion.

"Hey, Jess" he said and gasped when she hugged him and pulled back.

"Sam's just gone for groceries, we were preoccupied this morning and forgot!" she said breathing out. "Who…who's this?"

"Oh, yeah, this is, um, this is Castiel, well Cas, and he's my brother in law" he said standing back and letting them greet each other tentatively and awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you, I guess, where's Anna?"

"She didn't come…her mom is a little sick at the moment" he said when they stepped inside the warmth. "This is a nice place"

"It's cheap and that's the good thing" she said with a shrug. "It's close to work as well"

"You're both lawyers, how are you not stinking rich?"

"Because we're saving, dumbass, now tea or coffee or something a little stronger"

"Beer"

"Coffee please" Castiel said with a small smile. "One sugar"

"Right, just take a seat" she said with a warm smile gesturing over to their sofa. Dean pushed at Castiel who sat down on the plump cushions who exhaled shakily.

"I have butterflies" Castiel murmured with a hard swallow. "My palms are sweaty, look"

"You're doing well" Dean whispered into his ear. "Jess likes you, I think, and that's a good thing"

"I don't think she does, I think she's a little suspicious"

"Well we won't let them be"

"Here you go!" Jess said handing Dean a bottle of beer. "How was the journey?"

"It was interesting; Cas is a little excited to see the place"

"It's amazing, we'll show you around" she said giving him a warm smile and going to get his coffee for him.

"See" Dean muttered sipping his drink. "She likes anyone, well she sees nice and likes it"

"I don't think I'm very nice" he murmured catching his eyes. "I think I'm the lowest of the low, a deceiver, an adulterer, and a betrayal for my family"

"Cas…"

"Here you go, one sugar…" Jess said handing him a bright green cup and looking up when the door opened. "Here we go"

"Jess!"

"You're late, where did you go?" she said hurrying towards him and speaking to him in low tones. Dean opened his mouth but Castiel ignored him looking away and down into the murky coffee not looking up when Sam came in greeting Dean in surprise and warmly as they hugged and pulled back to talk. Castiel only looked up when his name was said and simply nodded in acknowledgement. His gut twisted when Sam asked where Anna was and he swallowed hard secretly wanting Anna out of the picture. It made Castiel feel even more twisted wanting nothing more than for Dean to leave Anna or for Anna to get out of the picture. He hated she got him first, he hated her for marrying him, and he hated that he couldn't have him for his own and instead had to lie to all the family members around.

"So, you're here for New York, Castiel?"

"Yes, my sister didn't want to come because my mom isn't well at the moment and I have always wanted to see New York" Castiel said when Sam and Jess sat opposite him. His eyes zeroed in on the way Sam took Jess's hand in his own. It was such a simple gesture, handholding, but something he could never do with Dean.

"I didn't think you'd mind" Dean said looking at Castiel who avoided his eye contact. Dean frowned deeply when he wouldn't meet his eyes and sighed softly.

"No, no, it's great…we can show you all our favourite spots and New York is amazing in the night. It's true when they say it never sleeps" Sam said softly looking to Jess.

"Mmm, right, now that Sam is back, I can get a start on dinner" she said clapping her hands together.

"Can I help you?" Castiel said suddenly looking at her and startling the three of them.  
"Oh, um, okay" she said softly in surprise and led the way as they walked to the kitchen. Sam tracked their movements and stood up moving into the vacant seat.

"You two seem…close"

"He's my friend as well as my brother in law"

"Really?"

"Am I not allowed to be friends with him?"

"No, no, of course you are, I just…I-I sense there's something you're not telling me"

"To do with Cas?"

"To do with both of you"

"Sam, I'm not hiding anything" he lied with a hard swallow.

Sam's eyes narrowed but he nodded in acknowledgement letting it hang though he knew Dean lied to him there and then when his eyes dilated, he swallowed and his hands clenched.

"So what are we having?"

"Burgers and fries" she said with a small laugh. "Why do you want to help?"

"I'm the head chef of a place called Lovett's"

"No way" she breathed. "Oh you can't watch me cook! I'll put myself to shame"

"No, no, I bet you're incredible cook, Jess, just…cook" he said leaning against the counter.

Jess breathed out slowly looking nervous for her part as she got the items out of the bag and went about preparing.

"So how long have you and Sam been together?"

"Well we met four years ago at the start of our course" she said with a bright smile at the memory. "I was brand new, I was scared and…he was there. Sam was a dork, all dressed up in smart clothes, a huge bag with books we didn't need and looking like a helpless puppy. I was drawn to his need and we were sat together. It took him and of course me seven months to figure how we felt about each other and then…we took off" she said getting the meat ready. "It took him three years to finally stop his stumbling around and propose to me"

Castiel looked at the diamond engagement wistfully. "You must really love him"

"I do, he's my first love" she said poking at the meat thoughtfully. "It's true what they say you know, you never do get over that first love"

"Not always, someone else can come along and make you forget all about that person"

"True but don't you think there will always be something about that one person in a billion out there that made you fall in love for the very first time?"

"There is but when it all goes wrong, there is always someone _better_" he said softly. "You're lucky you found Sam first"

Jess looked over to him curiously confused to what he said but let it go. "What about you? Do you have anyone special?"

"I don't know"

"What does that mean?"

"It means…it means that the person I belong with is already stolen from me. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Oh, um, yes, it's-it's down the hall, the first door" she said watching him walk away with narrowed eyes even more confused. Jess was left to her own thoughts as she heard the dim noise of the television and Sam and Dean talking.

"Stolen" she murmured pushing the items into the warm oven and closing it thinking carefully. Jess wouldn't deny it was strange that Dean would bring his brother in law, a man he hardly knew and had only knew for four months it seemed and leaving his wife behind only added to the strange. She dried her hands on the towel peeking into see Dean and Sam arguing playfully over something on the television. Jess bit her lip not liking what she was thinking but it seemed likely that there was something more going on behind closed doors.

_**~0~0~0~**_

In the week they arrived it was the four of them to travel around New York City to Castiel's delight as the first place they travelled to was Central Park. Jess took them to her favourite shop named, West Village Stroll, were they did the most amazing cupcakes but to Dean's disappointment there was no pie. It was easy to leave Sam and Jess and get a few moments alone as they kissed in secret behind buildings, in toilets, and anywhere they could get a few moments to touch each other. It didn't help when Sam and Jess were a lovey dovey couple who liked to kiss, hold hands, and didn't care about showing affection for one another in public. It made Castiel envious and he longed to do that instead of hiding away.

It was after their first week there and with the day spent with Sam and Jess they had the night in the motel to spend together. Castiel could put all his frustration he felt into the sex and he loved more than anything waking up to him every morning and not feel like he had to run away because someone was coming to get them.

"I want to go the empire state building" he said to Dean who blinked and nodded surprised. They called Sam and Jess before setting off on the journey toward it, queuing up, and paying the ticket price.

"I hear the view from the 86th floor observation deck is amazing" Jess said gripping Sam's hand and letting him lead. Dean glanced back to Castiel who nodded at him following after him. They reached the 86th floor and stood out looking out of the amazing view and Jess hummed in delight.

"I'll always love living in New York" she said softly.

Dean stood next to Sam with Castiel on his other side and reached for his hand touching it softly and linking their hands together slowly. Castiel gasped softly looking down and up at Dean who met his eyes with a small sincere smile. He bit into his lip looking out of the view while they unlocked and locked their fingers touching discreetly. They spent the day there before leaving the place and going to find somewhere to eat in a diner. Dean couldn't help but notice the strange look Sam was giving him as he met his eyes and frowned.

"What?"

"Toilet" he said indicating his head at him to follow. "We'll be one minute"

Jess also frowned looking between them and Castiel simply looked between them bemused. Dean followed after pushing in and wrinkling his nose at the urine smell that hung heavily in the air.

"Why are we here?"

"Because I need to talk to you without Jess or Cas"

"Okay…why can't we go outside? This is disgusting and I…"

"How about you tell me why you were holding hands with your brother in law in the empire state building?"

Dean froze on his sentence and swallowed hard. "What?"

"You heard me, Dean"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Dean, I saw you, okay, I saw you holding hands out of the corner of my eyes and you two….you've been acting weird all week! Sneaking away and coming back looking rather flushed and stubble rash all over your cheeks" he said gesturing at his hands. "Don't lie to me"

"Alright, okay, it just…" he said trailing off and holding out his hand. "You know why we married…we married for the baby and then it died"

"Dean, I told you…"

"I know you did! I ignored you, I should have listened but I married her and for the wrong reasons but the right reason because I met him"

"You're cheating on her"

"I…"

"Yes, Dean, you can call this whatever you want but you're cheating on Anna and you may not love her but…she is still your wife" he said exasperated. "You are cheating on her with her brother, that's huge and it's not something you can brush under the carpet"

"Let me guess, you want me to end it with her"

"Yes"

"He could lose his whole family!"

"So you want to continue with him forever? Right under her nose? It's cruel, Dean, she doesn't deserve this" Sam cried shaking his head. "You end this with Cas or you end it with her"

"I can't end it with him"

"Then you end it with Anna"

"I…"

"It needs to be done before you get caught by her and not me this time, you've been reckless, Dean, and even Jess has noticed" he said with a raised eyebrow. "Promise me you'll end it"

"Fine"

"Promise"

"I promise"

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel looked at Dean who lay back on the bed sipping from his third beer staring hard at the television.

"Dean?" he questioned walking over and climbing on the bed to sit next to him. "You've been very quiet since the diner and that talk with Sam…which you still haven't told me about"

"It's nothing"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Cas" he snapped looking over to him with a glare and away. Castiel swallowed hard moving away and feeling rejected by him. He moved away and headed towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Dean said confused sitting up.

"I need air" he said before heading out and closing the door. Castiel sighed looking up at the dark sky and walked over to the Impala choosing to sit on the hood and look up at the dark sky to see a few stars and simply watched them. He didn't know how long he was sat there staring up at the sky till he heard the door and looked over to see Dean.

"You've been out here ages" he muttered folding his arms over his chest.

"I wanted to get air and give you space"

"I'm sorry for snapping"

"I'm sure you had a reason"

"Maybe a little one"

Castiel nodded looking up at the sky. "You still haven't told me about your family"

"I know"

"I don't want to pressure you"

"I know"

"Come here" Castiel murmured crooking his finger at him and waiting till he stood in front of him and opened his legs enough for him to fit into them so he could lean against his chest. "Do you want to talk…?"

"No" Dean murmured shaking his head.

"Okay" he whispered looking into his eyes that were dark in the night and traced his fingers down the panes of his face before kissing him softly. Dean heard himself moan as he clutched at him and knew he couldn't lose this, he couldn't lose him, and he had to make a decision sooner rather than later.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews.**


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't want to go back" Castiel said leaning against his chest and sighing deeply as he played with his hands and peered up at him. "Let's just stay here forever…me and you…no one else"

"What would we do when our money runs out?"

"We'd survive, I'd get a job somewhere…they always want cooks and you can get a job somewhere" he said softly looking forward with a hard swallow. "We could get a little apartment…overlooking New York…and we could be happy"

"What about your family?"

"I'd talk to them someday"

"They would think you're with Balthazar and I've left her and I'm living with Sam" he said moving to kiss his neck. "We have to go back, Cas, we have to return to reality and face up to our choices"

"I don't want to" he murmured closing his eyes and turning on his side to lay his head on his shoulder. "These two weeks have been amazing and I…I can't watch you go back to her, Dean, I can't"

"Cas…"

"No, Dean, I can't and it hurts enough as it is" he said turning around in his arms to look at him and kneeling on the bed. "I know what I want, I've known since the moment I knew I wanted you in more ways one, I know what I want but what do you want Dean? Do you want me or Anna?"

"Cas, don't…" he said struggling away from him.

"What? Don't say it, don't ask, don't what, Dean? I just want to know what and who you really want?"

"You know who I want"

"Maybe but I want to hear you say it" he murmured reaching out and touching his cheek.

Dean looked up meeting his eyes and opened his mouth to speak when his phone went distracting him.

"I better…" he said gesturing at it and answering the phone call.

"Dean, babe, are you coming back tomorrow?"

"Anna, hey, yeah, I am" he said with a hard swallow getting up to pace the room. "Why?"

"I just wanted to know, I really, really, miss you and I think we need a talk when you get back, nothing-nothing bad but a few changes need to be made…don't you think?"

"Sure"

"What time will you be back?"

"Afternoon sometime"

"Okay…okay, um, I love you"

"You too" he murmured hanging up and looking down at the cell phone.

"I'm guessing "you too" was answering her "I love you", wasn't it?" Castiel said bitterly standing up and heading towards the door not bothering to hear his answer.

"Cas, where are you going?"

"Out" he said walking out and slamming the door behind him and going for a walk. After two weeks he had a general idea of the place and put his head down as he walked wanting to breathe and think. Castiel wanted Dean to choose him, he had always wanted that to happen and he had believed it would. Dean had to make a choice and whatever the choice there was going to be severe consequences.

Dean dropped to lie back on the bed with a groan closing his eyes. He did know who he wanted but it was about speaking the words, saying the things he wanted and facing up to what they had both done. It wasn't going to be easy. He didn't know how long he was sat there waiting for the door but as the minutes inched forward and he looked over to see it was nearly 11.30pm and sighed pulling out his phone to call him. He was about to press call when the door opened and Castiel walked in with flushed pink cheeks, windblown hair and a stumble to his step.

"You're drunk" Dean said sitting up and looking at him.

"I found a liquor store and I drank it…sue me" he said with a shrug stripping out of his clothes. Dean remained silent watching him stumble over his shoes and frown at them like they were alive.

"They-they tripped me up" he murmured flopping on the bed and crawling under the covers. "My feet hurt"

"Where did you go?"

"I don't know" he murmured closing his eyes. "I don't really care"

"You stink of liquor, Cas, and cigarettes"

"I smoked the entire pack" he said with a chuckle looking up at him. "I…I tried to get a cat but it was too fast"

"You tried to catch a cat?"

"Yeah, it was brown and white…it had yellow and green eyes" he murmured moving closer to him so Dean could pull him into his arms with a small smile pressing his lips to his forehead.

"I think we should get a cat, Dean"

"Okay"

"I want us to stay here; I want to be with you"

"Okay"

"Kiss me"

Dean obeyed tilting his chin up and kissing him softly opening his mouth to stroke his tongue in tasting the raw taste of his alcohol. It made him feel dizzy as he kissed him slowly stroking a hand down his side and scratching his nails on the smooth skin of his hip bone. Castiel moaned fingers gripping loosely around his t-shirt till he pulled away breathless and shutting his eyes sleepily. Dean watched him carefully slip into a deep sleep as his hand dropped from his t-shirt and he breathed deeply. He reached out smoothing the hair from his forehead and dropped a soft kiss there before holding him close and sleeping himself.

The next morning was not a pleasant one for Castiel or Dean who had to deal with a hung over Castiel snapping at him for nothing and generally being a dick.

"Get in the car" Dean ordered when the bill was paid, the bags were packed and put in the car and he was waiting for Castiel walking over to him in sunglasses and a scowl etched onto his face. "Stop being a bitch with me"

"No"

"I will kick you onto the kerb, Cas, I swear to god" he muttered slamming his door shut and waiting for Castiel who leaned against the side ignoring him.

"I have to stay in a motel all on my own tonight"

"Cas, we…"

"I know"

Dean gritted his teeth not liking being at odds with him but kept his silence as he drove out and onto the main roads. The drive was long and with only one stop to refuel and for Castiel to throw up in it was tiring. Dean leaned against the side of the car watching a weak Castiel walk back over with a pale complexion and the black sunglasses clashing with his skin.

"You look like shit" Dean commented when he stood in front of him. "Coffee?"

"Yes" he said grabbing the spare and sipping it with a wince. "This is awful"

"Sorry princess, it's all they have" he said with a small smile which faded as he walked around and got back in the car.

"How long till the motel?"

"Two hours" Dean murmured driving out. "You'll be fine for one night"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to get back, sleep, and…eat" he said with a shrug. "I wouldn't worry about me having sex with Anna, I can barely kiss her"

"I wasn't worried"

"Okay"

"You told me to stop being a bitch but you're being one right back, Dean"

"The first thing you said to me this morning was the smell of me was making you feel sick, Cas"

"It was your aftershave, Dean, not you"

"Whatever"

"I can't talk to you when you're being like this" Castiel muttered in disgust turning away to look out of the window. Dean scowled looking over to him and away as the time passed by and they arrived outside the motel Castiel had stayed at for two days. Dean parked staring out of the window and turned towards him to see he was doing the same.

"I'll see you tomorrow"

"Okay" he murmured reaching for the handle and stopped when Dean's hand reached out and seized his wrist. "What?"

Dean didn't speak as he pulled him across hard cupping the side of his cheek and kissing him hard. Castiel groaned softly pressing into him enjoying the warmth and pulled away with a shaky gasp.

"That wasn't fair"

"I'll see you tomorrow" he murmured kissing him softly and pulling away with a cocky grin. Castiel pouted for a moment clinging to him and glancing at the motel.

"I don't want to be here alone"

"I know, Cas, but…"he said trailing off. "Just for today"

"Fine, I'll see you tomorrow then" he said climbing out and getting his bags out. Castiel watched as the car drove back out and he glanced at the motel not wanting to stay here but it was the last resort as he moved up and booked in for a room.

Dean pulled up at the drive and got out of the car looking out and up at the house to see the front door open and Anna run out. He sighed softly climbing out and huffing when arms wrapped around him.

"Oh my god I have missed you so much" she said moving away and kissing him softly. Dean hummed pulling away and flashing a small smile.

"How've you been?"

"Okay, I've missed you though and mom is getting better slowly and surely since dad contacted us and said he'll be home in a week but no word from Michael" she said as they walked up to the house. "No word from Castiel either"

"Oh"

"We think him and Balthazar are back together" she said with a shake of his head. "Stupid man"

"He's probably fine, I-I spoke to him" he lied casually. "They're not back together and he's back tomorrow"

"Oh…right" she said confused as they walked inside. "Mom, he's back"

"Dean" Kendal said stepping and hugging him briefly. "How was New York?"

"It was very good"

"Oh I bet it was"

Dean looked up to see Gabriel walking downstairs with a drink in his hand, a cool smile and mischief flaming in his eyes.

"I got to see my brother and his fiancée again, of course I did"

"Oh I'm sure"

"Do you have a problem, Gabriel?"

"Oh no, no, no, I'm glad your back, Deano!" he said cheerfully slapping his back hard so Dean jolted forward and looked over his shoulder to glare at him.

"Ignore him…he's being strange lately" she said with a sigh. "Come on"

Dean followed after her glancing over his shoulder to see Gabriel watching him with no expression on his face. He swallowed down the lump in his throat feeling uneasy and walked into the bedroom to see empty boxes in the corner and frowned looking at Anna fidgeting uneasily.

"What's with the boxes?" he murmured dropping his bag on the floor.

"I've been thinking, well, Gabriel helped me and I was thinking that we need to get out of here. I love my parents, my sister, my brothers but I love you as well…I love you more and we need to get out of this house and work on our marriage, Dean. We haven't had sex in months, we haven't talked and you barely kiss me anymore and I just think we need a new start"

Dean stared at her horrified looking at the boxes. "Are you insane? Anna, we have no money, no job, and I'm fine here"

"See that's that why Gabriel is going to help, he's going to lend us the money to get an apartment, get out of here, and when we get jobs we can pay him back…"

"No way, you-you think I'm going to be in debt to your brother?!" he cried shaking his head. "This is a stupid idea and I-I don't want to leave"

"What's keeping you here?"

"I like it and I..." he said trailing off and looking out of the window. "I don't want to leave"

"We need to work on our marriage"

"Then let's work on it here, what is the point in moving into a brand new apartment with a marriage barely hanging onto a thread!?" he shouted turning towards her. "You know why we married…"

"Don't"

"Yes, Anna, we married for the baby, we married for the baby we lost and now it's just…this" he said gesturing between them.

Gabriel paused on the stairs listening in and knew this would happen. Dean wouldn't leave Castiel behind and move in to a new apartment with a woman he didn't love anymore. He could feel the fierce protection he felt on Anna's behalf and had a good right to walk in there and ruin Dean right in front of her, showing her what a man he was, but it wasn't really his right. It was up to Dean, it was about shoving Dean to make the right decision one way or the other and suffer the consequences. It was about Dean making a decision but it was also about making Castiel see the error of his ways and see what he truly wanted.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel was more than pleased to leave the motel and return back home, return back to Dean. It was depressing to wake up and look across an empty queen bed. It was a relief to pull up at the drive and pay the taxi as he looked up at the house. The door opened to reveal Gabriel who walked out with a small smile.

"Castiel" he said in greeting as they hugged briefly. "I see things worked out for the best"

"What?" Castiel said confused. "We resolved our issues if that's what you're talking about"

"I see that"

"How can you see that?"

"The apartment" he said nodding over.

"What about it"

"Go in" he said gesturing over to it.

"I'd rather shower and sleep first…"

"Seriously, just…go in" Gabriel said shoving him forward gently. "You can thank me later and no one is in anyway"

"Where is everyone?"

"Mom is with a friend, Rachel is with her friends, and Anna and Dean are having lunch"

"Oh" he murmured looking over to the apartment and handing him his suitcase. "Fine, take this"

Castiel eyed him curiously walking over to the apartment and stepping inside. He opened the next door stepping in and stopping shocked at the man lounging across the sofa smoking.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" he said shutting the door and locking it.

"I've missed you too darling" Balthazar murmured looking at him with a small smile. "No, really, I've missed you"

"What are you doing here? What have you said to my family?"

"Well I arrived here two days ago after a successful trip to Denmark, I came here looking for you and I got your brother who ushered me into this place asking me why I was here. I told him and he seemed a little surprised before telling me you were in New York…"

Castiel gaped at him and turned looking at the door feeling the dread fill him. Gabriel knew about them. A sick feeling erupted in his stomach and he looked back to Balthazar.

"What else?"

"Your brother told me you would be back in a few days and to wait in here for you…he brought me food like a hostage" he said with a snort. "I don't think the others know I'm here which is a curious act I think so tell me, Cassy, why would your brother hide me from the rest of your family?"

"It seems to me that my brother knows more about me than I realised and I may…I may have said I travelled to Denmark to see you"

"But you didn't"

"No"

"You went to New York and I'm guessing not on your own…?"

"Yes"

"Oh how curious" Balthazar murmured raking his eyes up and down him. "What's going on?"

"Wait here" Castiel ordered moving out and slamming the front door shut before running up the stairs and inside.

"GABRIEL!" he shouted and waited breathing hard for Gabriel to walk down slowly till he reached the bottom.

"Yes?"

"You know"

"Know what"

"Don't act coy with me, Gabriel! You know don't you?" he shouted into his face.

Gabriel breathed out slowly. "Do I know that you and Dean are fucking like rabbits? Yes, I do"

"How long?" he said slowly stepping back from him.

"Oh about a month now" he said with a raised eyebrow. "I'm very, very, good at keeping secrets and keeping things to myself"

"How?"

"You really should keep the fucking in the bedroom and not in the shower" he replied heading to the kitchen. "I was surprised I'll give you that and when I realised what was happening I guess it faded. I mean, you two, you are so close, creepily close and I figured it is so Castiel to betray his own family"

Castiel followed after him watching him walk around the kitchen with hard eyes. "I haven't betrayed my family"

"Oh but you have little brother! Shall I remind you of our family? I think you've forgotten! So, let's start with daddy, our dad who is never there, who couldn't care less about us and certainly not you or me, then there's mommy, our mom, our sick, co-dependent mother who cannot bear her children leaving her and she wonders why we want to run away, then there's our eldest brother, Michael, who we never see, then there's me, then there's little Rachel, the annoying brat but you can't help but adore her rainbow socks and then there's Anna, remember Anna!? Your little whore's wife, your sister, and then there's you. You who came out gay and I'm not judging, I'd be hypocrite to judge but there's certain disappointment over the both of us. I've never had a full time relationship, you have and yours cheated on you but instead of chucking him away with the rest of the rubbish you took him back as your little fuck buddy! The amount of times I have heard you and that man having sex is unreal" Gabriel ranted at him. "You were a fool, you still are, you don't think, Castiel, you look and you take. You looked at your sister's husband and you took him all for your own! You reached out them greedy hands and you took him away, you fucked him, and you didn't care less. That is a family betrayal! You have not only ruined their marriage, you're going to break mom's heart, you're going to lose the respect of Rachel, and when dad finds out?! He won't want to know you anymore and Michael…well he's the slave of his new tart"

Castiel listened carefully feeling shaky and sweaty from his words hitting him hard and fast.

"You're wrong. The moment I met Dean I didn't like him, I thought he was another of Anna's conquests, a marriage that wouldn't last and then she came to me, she asked to be his friend, to look out for him while they were here. I said yes. I got to know him, really know him, and yeah…I wanted him. I do and I will always feel guilty and disgusted in myself for taking him but I can't regret it. We both knew what we were doing when we kissed for the first time from there it escalated to having sex anywhere we could to a secret two week trip to New York and I lied" he said slamming his hands down on the side facing him. "You know the reason why they married"

"Anna told me"

"Yes, they married for the baby who died inside her and now they're married for nothing but a need and a child which is gone. He doesn't love her"

"So why is he still with her?"

"Why do you think?"

"Because he's a coward"

"In a way, yes, but that's not just it…he needs to choose"

"Exactly and so do you…"

Castiel looked out of the kitchen window with a nod. "Why did you hide Balthazar?"

"Well I didn't want them finding out, it would look a little odd that you've travelled out to see him and he's here" Gabriel said with a snort of laughter. "I was protecting your sorry ass but you need to make a choice to"

"What choice?"

"I meant what I said before you left for New York about Balthazar"

"I don't love him…" Castiel said shaking his head and cutting off when the front door opened and Anna walked in with Dean talking animatedly.

"Castiel!" Anna said running over and hugging him tight. "You're home, you never called"

"I, um, it was bad signal over there"

"Yeah, he only managed to call me once didn't you?" Dean said interrupting him.

"Yes" Castiel said startled with a nod looking at him and then Gabriel who leaned against the side watching them.

"Wow" Gabriel murmured looking down at the kitchen lino.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak when the door went again and he hurried over opening the door.

"I got bored of waiting" Balthazar said leaning against the side. "I've been cooped up in there and…oh company"

Castiel turned his head to see Dean and Anna behind him staring at Balthazar curiously.

"I-I'll be there in a moment just go wait in the apartment" Castiel hissed at him.

"Oh are you…you're Balthazar aren't you?" Anna said stepping forward.

"I am the very one"

Dean's eyes flashed in recognition and he looked at Castiel confused. Castiel pleaded with eyes that he would speak to him later and with one last glance to Gabriel stepped out and shut the door behind him.

"Move!"

"Well" Anna murmured with a blink. "It looks like I was right, they are back together"

Dean watched her move upstairs feeling more confused than ever and a quick glance to Gabriel watching him made him snap.

"What?"

"Oh nothing…just…admiring the entertainment around me. I have work; I'll see you later, Deano"

Dean ignored him in favour to moving into the living room and sitting down. His knee jutted up and down thinking about Castiel and Balthazar in that apartment together and felt sick chewing on the end of his thumb waiting. All he could was wait.

"Why are you here?!" Castiel said furious closing the door behind him. "Why have you returned?"

"You know why"

"No I don't"

"I missed you, Cas"

"That is not a reason to return, Balthazar, I want you to leave and never come back"

"No I want you back"

"What?" he said with a burst of laughter. "Are you actually insane?"

"Yes, I think I am a little but I want you back, I should have never…"

"Cheated? No you shouldn't have because the moment you slept with that first slut you ruined anything we had or ever would have" Castiel said sitting down opposite him. "Was it worth it? Was she good?"

"I was drunk"

"That is always an excuse, it's always an excuse with you" he said softly shaking his head. "You fucked her and so many after her and then you came back to me and lied over and over again till I saw the pictures and countless videos of them performing acts I wouldn't"

"I'm sorry"

"I don't care anymore"

"I love you"

Castiel looked away from him with a hard swallow. "Well I don't love you, not anymore, I took you back for sex and with the sex I fucked away all of the love I had. I don't love you anymore and I never will because…"

"Because…?"

"I love someone else now"

"Who?"

"That doesn't matter" he replied quickly. "All that matters is you go away and leave me"

"You love someone else" Balthazar said slowly getting up. Castiel stood up watching him walk over and grab a bottle of whisky pulling it towards him to pour a glass. "Someone new, someone you've met recently or…?"

"Not really"

"Someone new…I noticed the way you looked at your sister's husband" he said slowly turning to meet his eyes and smiled. "There it is…there's that little spark in your eyes…I know you, I know you better than anyone and it's him isn't it?"

"N-No" he said shaking his head and stopping still when Balthazar circled him pressing a mouth to his ear.

"Liar"

"Just go"

"I want you back, I can win you back" he murmured trailing his hands up his shirt and scraping his nails across the tender skin of his stomach. "You can't have your sister's husband, he's not yours, but I am"

"No…" he murmured turning his head away from his mouth kissing behind his ear.

"We'll see about that" he said moving away to collect his jacket. Castiel stared forward hearing him move out of the apartment and shut the door behind him. He didn't know how long he was there staring forward at nothing till there was a knock.

"Cas"

"Dean" he said turning towards him.

"Is it true? Are you back together…in a day?"

"No, he came back two days ago so Gabriel hid him because he knows about us, he heard us together"

"Oh I fucking knew it" he said closing his eyes and turning away. "So what happens now? What do we do now?"

"Balthazar wants me back but I don't want him, I want you, I just want you and you need to make a decision, Dean, right now" he said softly. "It's me or Anna before Gabriel tells her what is going on"

Dean inhaled deeply walking over to him and pulling him towards him as he kissed him.

"Okay but before I make it I'm going tell you everything"

"Really?"

"Are you ready for it? I don't tell anyone this, it's too painful"

"I'm here" he murmured touching his cheek and trailing it down slowly feeling the grains of his stubble underneath his fingertips. "I'm listening"

"Okay, here we go…"

**A/N: I'll write that in the next chapter. Thank you for all the reviews!**


	13. Chapter 13

"I had a normal childhood, I had a mom, a dad, and then mom told me when I was four that she was pregnant with my baby brother or sister. I was going to be a big brother and it was the single best moment in my entire life… at that moment. Sammy was born and our little family was complete. It was awesome, he was awesome and mom trusted me to help with his bottles, changing him, and I held him a lot as well with a cushion on my knee and it was… perfect. That is until the 2nd November 1984 when Sammy was one and I was five years old, we had our milk, we were put to bed and by that time we shared a room together. Mom sang her favourite song to us and we went to sleep. I don't remember a lot about that night but all I knew was my dad was out at work, he was on the police force so he did nights. I woke up to banging, crashing, and loud noises. I heard footsteps running around, glass shattering, and my mom screaming" he said looking into his eyes to see the concern flashing there.

"Sam's a deep sleeper so he wasn't awake yet and I walked to the door, I looked out and there was glass all over the place. I could hear voices downstairs and then all of the sudden I see a blur of white and red and my mom coming into the room. She was wearing this white nightgown that she always wore and it was covered in blood, it was all over her and Sammy woke up confused and I pulled him towards him so he stood by his side. Mom was shushing us and telling us to be very quiet and to pass her my blanket. She told us bad men were robbing the house, very bad men, and dad was on the way, she told us we had to hide with her and I was so scared because her nightgown was red all over and she collapsed. I…" he said trailing off and closing his eyes.

Castiel moved closer pressing a warm kiss to the corner of his mouth. "It's okay, I'm here"

"I told Sam to hide underneath the blanket and to be very quiet…and I wrapped my arms around her holding her close to comfort her when it should have been the other way around. She told me everything would be okay, daddy was on the way, the bad men are gone and to take care of Sam no matter what" he said eyes shining with tears. "She…she died in my arms soon after that and I couldn't wake her up. I kept calling her name but she wouldn't answer, he eyes were closed and she…was just gone. I couldn't cry, I couldn't…not in front of Sam. Sammy didn't know what was happening and he kept trying to call her and I told her she was sleeping for now and to stay quiet. I don't know what happened after I just know that men came bursting in, I was dragged away from her by a man and Sammy was screaming. I saw my dad for a moment before he went into the bedroom and after that we were forced to stay in his police car"

"Dean…" Castiel whispered when his head bowed and he sucked in a shaky breath. He moved down to kneel in front of him swiping the fallen tear from his eye.

"It wasn't till I was older that I was told armed men came into the house when my mom was locking up, they came in and they stabbed her brutally three times. She was left on the floor while they robbed the place and she somehow managed to get up, climb the stairs and get into the bedroom. I held when she died and I didn't even know she bled out before help could come and after that…we moved out and into a small apartment. He wouldn't leave us, we all slept in the same bed and he set about his mission"

"What mission?"

"To find the men responsible for killing mom, they fled before the police could get there. It took my dad four years to find the man who did it and got himself killed in the process. There was a car chase and both of the cars went over the cliff together. The man who killed my mom died and so did my dad. I was nine, Sam was five and we were orphans. We were placed in the care of Bobby Singer, my dad's good friend and he took us in without question. Bobby died about two years ago from natural causes"

"I'm so sorry, Dean" he murmured cupping his cheeks.

"That's why I'm fucked up I guess"

"No, Dean, you are not fucked up. You went through a horrific experience"

"I'm just glad Sam can't remember, I think he blocked it out enough for him to forget everything" Dean said with a deep sniff and scrubbed over his eyes. "Now you know everything, why we married, my family, and I, um, I failed high school as well. I have no grades and I love cherry pie so…you still want to be with me"

Castiel tilted his head slowly to appraise him and nodded. "Did you think you'd scare me away?"

"Cas, I'm a total nutcase, I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I deceive people and you still want to be with me?"

"Yes because I'm exactly the same but I'm worse. Balthazar used to be my boyfriend, I fell in love with him and he cheated, he ruined us, our relationship, my love, and everything but a part of me still loved him, wanted him, and I took him back for sex. The stupidest most naïve reason to take a person back and I was his fuck buddy, it was casual sex, but that sex drove out any love I felt for him. I hate him more than I like him now and then I met you. I saw…the forbidden fruit"

"The forbidden fruit" Dean said with a snort of laughter.

"Shut up, Dean, I saw you, I got to know you, and I wanted you. I didn't care you were with Anna and I teased you, I wanted to see if I could push you and it worked. I got you and I wasn't about to let you go. These past months have made me realise what a fool I was to love someone like…Balthazar when I could love someone like you"

"Is this you telling that you love me?"

"Maybe"

"Cas…"

"I want you to make a choice"

"It is a difficult one" Dean joked bringing him forward roughly so he could straddle his thighs. "Cas, I made my decision a long time ago"

"How long ago"

"Month ago maybe"

"Say the words"

"Cas, I choose…you" he murmured with a gasp when he kissed him desperately bringing his hands up to rake his hands into his hair. Dean moaned eagerly clutching him closer and pulling back to press his forehead against his.

"You need to tell her"

"I know"

"Do you want me…?"

"No, it needs to be me" he murmured closing his eyes when Castiel nuzzled into his mouth stroking his hands down the side of his neck. Castiel sighed pulling back and glanced over to the door.

"This will be difficult, Dean, this won't go down well with anyone and with Balthazar back…he wants me back and he won't stop till he gets what he wants" he said slowly.

"Then we have to stick together, we have to make sure they don't break us apart"

"Do you think we could do that?"

"I think we can do what the hell we want"

"I think you should go now" Castiel muttered climbing off him and holding out his hand. "It'll be easier instead of leaving it"

"Okay" he murmured moving towards when the door when he felt himself being yanked back and he looked into his eyes surprised.

"Oh by the way…I love you"

"I-I love you too" Dean whispered softly capturing his lips and pulling away after a long moment. "Let's get this show on the road"

Dean left Castiel in the apartment so he could call Balthazar and speak to him while he went up to the house and went to find Anna. Anna was in the room humming as she folded clothes and he paused by the door watching her and took it in. He did care about her, how could he not care about her? They had been through enough. Dean stepped in closing the door softly and coughed startling her enough to drop the clothing she was holding and spin to face him.

"You scared me" she said clutching her chest. "What's wrong?"

"Sit down on the bed" he ordered watching her frown at him confused before sitting down. "We need to talk"

"Okay…?"

"You know we married for the wrong reasons, right?"

"No, Dean, we married for love"

"No, Anna, I married you for the baby and the baby only. I thought I loved you but…our marriage to each other is wrong. Do you really love me?" he said pressing his hands over hers.

"Yes, I-I love you, Dean, I guess in the beginning I didn't but over time I did, I fell in love with you"

"Alright, okay, Anna, I fell in love as well"

"You did" she whispered clutching at his hands with sheer joy in her eyes.

"But not with you" he said looking into her hands despite how hard it was. Anna let go of his hands shocked blinking over and over again.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Anna"

"Who" she said pushing his hands away from her.

"It just happened…"

"Who?!"

"It was the time we spent together and I couldn't stop myself, I wanted him…" he said ignoring her question and stopping when realisation shone in her eyes.

"No" she whispered shaking her head. "No, no, it's…no, it's Cas" she said in horror. "You're in love with my brother"

"Yeah" he said with a nod standing up when she did. "It just happened, Anna, all the time we were together and I…"

"You're not gay!" she protested looking at him. "You've never been with a man in your life, you told me!"

"I know and I'm not, I'm not gay, I don't think of any other man like that! If I had to be given a fucking label I would be bi-sexual but I'm not even that I'm more…Cas-sexual, it's only him" he replied watching her walk away from him a hand covering her mouth.

"Do you even hear yourself?! Do you not realise what you are saying to me!?" she shouted removing her hand and looking at him. Her frame was shaking, her eyes wide and wild with anger and he swallowed looking down at the ground.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Around four months"

"What?"

"Anna, I'm…"

"If you fucking dare say you're sorry…I will kill you" she whispered holding up a shaky hand. "Four months, four months you have been fucking my brother, _my brother, _and you stand there in front of me so fucking calm"

"Yeah and I am sorry, I just…" he argued back and was not prepared when she charged over slapping him hard on the cheek. Dean gasped at the pain that exploded over his cheek and the burst of blood he felt as he spat it out looking at her.

"You…you tell me everything right now"

"Everything?" he questioned.

"How it happened, how long, your first kiss, your first fucking shag, and everything along with it!" she screeched at him tears running down her cheeks.

"It happened about four months ago when we started going out for drinks together, I felt different about him, I felt odd and we kissed in the apartment when Cas told me how he felt and that I felt the same"

"He made a move on you?"

"We made a move on each other"

"Where did you have sex?"

"Anna…"

"Tell me!"

"Our first time was on a dock outside and after that it was anywhere we could, Anna, okay, does this make you feel any better!?" he cried turning to look away.

Anna's bottom lip trembled and she turned away with a small sob. "It all makes sense now, why we weren't having sex, why you wouldn't want to spend time with me and the newfound friendship with my brother"

"Anna…" he said reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't you fucking touch me" she yelled flinching away from him and stumbling away to land against the wall. "DON'T YOU DARE!"

Gabriel who had heard the commotion stood in the hallway listening in despair as he heard Dean finally tell her. A small part of him was pleased that Dean had finally told her but the anger, the anguish and despair was evident in her tone and shouting.

"How can you stand there in front of me and tell me you are in love and having sex with my brother?!"

"Because you deserve the truth"

"I…Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Santa Claus, you dick, who do you think?!" she screamed at him running to the door and opening it up to run out and halt at the sight of Gabriel.

"Did you know?"

"Anna, calm down"

"Did you know, Gabriel?!"

"Yeah"

"How long have you known?"

"One month" he said slowly seeing the horror enter her eyes as she looked behind her and at Gabriel.

"Why didn't you tell me? You-you're all out to get me, you…does mom know?!" she shouted running down the stairs. Gabriel and Dean took after her as she sobbed running down the stairs.

"Anna, sweetheart" Kendal said when she ran into her arms.

"Did you know? Did you know that Dean and Castiel are having an affair?!" she shouted clinging to her shoulders.

"What? No, sweetheart, what are you…?" she said looking at Dean who had the decency to look down at the floor. "I had no idea"

Anna turned to the front door letting go of Kendal who was now shouting at Dean. She looked at the apartment running over to it when the front door opened and he stepped out. Anna halted breathing hard knowing she probably looked insane right now and pointed a hand at him.

"Tell me this isn't true"

"It's true" he said softly looking behind her to see Kendal, Dean, and Gabriel walking out. "It's all true"

Anna was panting hard just staring at him with pained eyes full of tears running down her cheeks in streaks, her hair was dishevelled and she looked a mess. It was a long minute before she charged towards him punching him hard enough for him to stumble back and land on the concrete.

"Anna, no" Gabriel shouted as Dean and he ran over to pull her off him punching and clawing at him. Dean glanced at her before attending to Castiel who now supported a broken lip, a scratched cheek, and dirt and dust covering him.

"I'm okay" he reassured Dean who helped him up stroking a thumb across the split lip. Castiel hissed flinching away but running his hands down his arms in reassurance. Gabriel passed a sobbing Anna to Kendal who held her close.

"I think we should all get inside" Gabriel said breathing out and heading back as Kendal had to drag Anna inside while Dean and Castiel lingered outside for a moment.

"Anna was always the strong one" Castiel murmured touching the scratches and coming away with bloody fingertips. Dean gave a frown looking over him and looked at the house.

"Come on"

"I don't want him, both of them, anywhere near me" Anna shouted when Kendal sat her down and shushed her soothingly. Gabriel leaned against the wall and looked when Dean and Castiel entered the living room. Kendal straightened up looking between them and breathed out slowly.

"Castiel, I want to hear your story first and then I want to hear Dean's. I want no shouting, I want only words" she said in a firm cold voice.

"I don't know what you want me to say to you right now to make this all seem a little better mom but I can't. The truth is and always will be is that I fell in love with Dean over these past couple of months. I have come to know and love the man I have grown to known day by day and I know it's wrong, I know he is married to Anna, but I can't help it. I fought against it but I gave in, I wanted him, and I felt so guilty but…" he said slowly looking over to Dean who met his eyes. "It takes two to tango"

"So what you are trying to tell me is you intentionally sought out, lusted, and eventually took your sister's husband?" she said softly.

"In so words"

"Did you feel nothing over your actions?"

"I feel like I'm in a court drama" Gabriel murmured with a snort.

"Be quiet, Gabriel!" Kendal shouted. "You are not out of this picture since Anna informed you knew about this"

"Yeah, yeah I did, and no I didn't say a word because it wasn't up to me! They had to make their own decision which they have now done. They chose each other and told the truth. It's all I wanted" he shouted looking at the four of them. "I wasn't about to tell tale on my own brother because of his stupid actions! Now, if you will excuse me, I have a petite blonde waiting for me"

The four of them watched him pull out a cigarette and walked out the front door slamming it behind him. Kendal breathed out closing her eyes.

"I asked you a question, Castiel, now answer it"

"I felt guilt, shame, disgust, and it didn't stop me"

"It's like a disease isn't it?" she said walking over to him. "You just pick a target, seek it out, and grab it in your filthy hands"

"No, I fell in love with a man I grew to know who liked me back but was married to my sister for the wrong reasons. They married for a child, a bit like you and dad don't you think? It must run in the genes don't you think mother? Their marriage is a sham…and so is yours" he said coldly and gasped sucking in a sharp breath when she slapped him hard across the cheek. Dean flinched forward feeling a surge of protectiveness and glared at Kendal who pointedly ignored him.

"You disgust me" she whispered softly.

"I know, I always have in a way, but I'm not you, a sick, over-dependent, neurotic woman who clings to her children like dolls! Children who are running away from you, first it was Michael, then Anna, and Gabriel is moving away, and so am I. How long before Rachel realises?" he shouted at her when she walked away from him. "I am at wrong here, I know this, but I can't help who I fall in love with"

"Dean, you-your story" she said shakily facing him while Anna stared forward at nothing with tears running down her cheeks in warm streaks.

"It wasn't meant to happen, it was never meant to happen, but it did. I'm not gay, I guess I'm bi-sexual because this bloody world needs to label the lot of us, and I did marry Anna for the wrong reasons. I was overwhelmed by the fact she was pregnant, we were together in Africa, and she wanted to marry for the sake of the baby. I did, I married, and she lost the baby. I thought we could work at it and we did for a good while till we arrived here and I met Castiel. I thought nothing of it; I thought nothing of the…feelings inside me and ignored the want there. It just happened. We kissed and it started. I've lied, I've cheated and I've deceived Anna most of all" he said looking over to her. "I'm so sorry"

"Hold on…" Anna breathed turning to face them. "You went to New York and you went to Denmark around the same time…oh my god"

"We went together" Dean said not meeting her eyes.

"Oh it just gets worse and worse" she said covering her eyes. "You're both disgusting!"

"We are not disgusting" Castiel said coldly.

"Oh but you are!" she hissed shoving him back and wrapping two hands around his throat.

"Give me one reason not to break your neck"

"Anna let him go!" Kendal said racing forward to get off him.

"Because I'm your brother" he said clinging to her hands. "I'm sorry, Anna, I am very sorry for this but I fell in love with him just like you did but he chose me"

"You corrupted him!" she shouted her hands clutching and he gasped struggling for air.

"Anna, let him go!" Dean shouted when Kendal tugged away and Castiel gasped for air clinging to Dean who raced over catching him. Red handprints were vibrant on his pale neck and he coughed leaning against his chest.

"You took him away from me!" she screamed over to him.

"He didn't take me, Anna, he chose me and I chose him" he said with a shake of his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Liar!" she screamed at him again struggling in Kendal's surprisingly strong grip. "You call yourself my brother, Castiel, but you no longer earn that title! You're disgusting, you're a crime against nature, you deserve to burn in hell! I hate you! I hate you, did you hear me!?"

"I hear you" he whispered with a hard swallow feeling the slow torturous burn of her words.

Kendal shushed her and turned to look at them. "Dean, I think you should leave"

"What?"

"I want you out of my house" she said with hard eyes. "No, Castiel, you stay there"

"If he leaves, I leave"

"If you leave this house with him, you are no longer welcome, I will banish you from this house and this family" she said slowly with no expression on her face. "I will tell your father and he will agree with me, you will never see us again"

"You heartless bitch! So much for always wanting to cling to your children" Dean spat at her.

"Castiel" she said slowly.

Castiel breathed out shakily looking at Dean for a long moment and made his decision as he linked their hands together.

"I guess I'm not welcome for the Christmas dinner anymore" he said tugging at Dean's hand as they walked out.

"I mean it, Castiel, this is it now and you will be no longer be a part of this family" she cried to him. Castiel stood at the edge of the door and nodded turning back to look at her.

"I never really was, was I? I think I lost that title the moment I told you I was gay. Goodbye mom, and Anna, I am sorry, I always will be" he said looking at the two of them. Anna met his gaze with cold hard eyes not saying a word as Dean looked at her also.

"What he said" he said following after him as they walked to the impala and climbed in. Dean didn't say a word as they drove away and out of the drive. Castiel bit into his lip, his hands balled into fists till Dean parked near a set of woods looking over to him.

"Cas" he murmured pulling him towards him and feeling a warm wet touch on his neck while Castiel cried silently into the crook of his neck. Dean didn't say a word as he rubbed his back gently looking down when his hand clutched into his t-shirt.

"I think I kind of expected that to happen"

"I didn't" Dean murmured pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Dean, we have nothing. All of my clothes, my work clothes, and everything I own is in the house. All I have is my phone and wallet" he said bringing them out. "What are we going to do?"

"I have enough money for a motel for a few nights and we're going to call Gabriel to get our stuff. Your mom has got rid of you but I don't think Gabriel, as much as a dick he is, is going to let you go without a fight" he said reassuringly.

"I love you"

"Yeah, I love you too, Cas" he said resting his cheek on top of his head as they reflected on what just happened and wondered what the future would bring in its stead.

**A/N: I hope this is what you wanted or didn't? I don't know I can't please everyone. Thank you anyway for all the reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

The motel room they were staying in for the night wasn't the classiest room he had ever saw or stayed in. The walls were painted a blood red; the bed was covered with a white comforter and two pillows. It smelled heavily of cleaning powder and the old smell of their motel room. Castiel lay on his side staring out of the window and the pattering of the heavy rain hitting the glass panes. Thunder rumpled in the distance and it was more than perfect weather to cuddle in and thankfully he had Dean cuddled up around him sleeping deeply. Castiel smiled wriggling back into him and feeling his smile widen when his arms tightened around him. Dean sighed content spooning Castiel and breathing deeply in the midst of a good sleep.

It had literally been the day from hell what with the affair being blown open, the rejection from his mother, and of course Anna's pure anger and disgust. It hurt more than words to know that his family had now rejected him but at least he had Dean and hopefully Gabriel with him. It was a weird feeling to know now he was homeless and he could only hope his job was secure otherwise they were both screwed.

The thunder rumbles above them sharp and loud startling Dean out of his sleep to whine confused lifting his head.

"What, what…" he croaked looking at Castiel who lifted his head to kiss the corner of his mouth.

"It's just a storm, Dean, go back to sleep" he whispered with a small smile.

"Why are you awake?"

"I can't sleep" he murmured looking away and resting his head on the pillow.

Dean hummed softly with a small frown proceeding to kiss slowly down his spine. Castiel closed his eyes shivering at the warm lips caressing down his spine slowly till he reached down to his ass and he gasped when his teeth bit into the plump flesh for a moment before pulling back.

"Do you want me to tire you out?"

"No" Castiel said softly. "You're too tired for that, I can see it from here, so come here and go back to sleep"

Dean waited till Castiel turned over fitting against his body, tangling legs and linking their hands together.

"It's going to be okay" Dean murmured pressing a kiss to his forehead as the rain and thunder hammered down on the roof, window, and the pavement outside. "You have me"

"I'll always have you" Castiel murmured looking up to meet his eyes in the darkness.

"Yeah" Dean agreed kissing him a soft but loving kiss as he stroked a thumb down his cheek. "Go to sleep"

"I can't" he murmured with a frown when Dean kissed the tip of his nose. Dean hummed a song above him into the darkness stroking a soft hand down his back in slow strokes.

"Relax your body…there we go…okay now breathe with me…there we go…and close those eyes" he instructed resuming to hum. Castiel finally felt that tired feeling pinch between his eyes and he snuggled closer into Dean loving him more than he could ever imagine right now. To his relief he did eventually fall to sleep and woke up stretched out across the bed with Dean missing. Castiel opened his eyes squinting at the light flooding through the dark curtains and turned when the door opened and Dean walked in. He sat up watching him confused through bleary eyes and moaned stretching out his back.

"Well don't you look adorable with your fluff of hair, you look like a little puppy dog, Cas"

"Shut up, where have you been?"

"Breakfast" he murmured holding up two coffees and a bag.

"Mmm" he murmured holding up his hands and waiting till Dean came over passing him the bag and his coffee. "You're the best"

"I don't feel like the best" Dean murmured dropping on the bed with a sigh.

"I know yesterday was rough for the both of us" Castiel murmured sipping his coffee and reaching over to trail a hand into his hair. "It's going to be okay"

"Do you have work today?"

"Yes and no, I'll have to call in sick" he said peering into the bag with a sigh. "I'll also have to call Gabriel if he doesn't hate me, return to work, and face everyone"

Dean hummed rolling his eyes and blinked when Castiel put his coffee and bag on the side table. He scooted over eyeing him with a small smile before pulling him into a soft kiss pushing his tongue into Dean's mouth clinging to the back of his neck. Castiel sighed wriggling back as he brought Dean with him till his back was on the headboard.

"You want to…?" he said gesturing at him with a raised eyebrow.

"We haven't had sex in two days" he said with an offhand shrug. "What do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what position do you want?" he said with a knowing smile.

"Ride me"

"I can do that" he murmured spinning them around till Dean landed against the headboard with a grunt and a puff of surprise laughter.

"Horny much?" he said stroking a hand down Castiel's bare chest and enjoying very much that all he was wearing was his underwear.

"Why are you wearing too many clothes? Strip" he ordered nodding at him. Dean chuckled softly as he started pulling off his jacket, shirt and nudged him away to shimmy down his jeans and underwear. Castiel hummed in approval when Dean was naked underneath him and looked him deep in the eyes before kissing him soundly. Dean groaned slipping his hands down his back to slide his hands into his underwear to cup his ass.

"Off" he murmured against his lips watching Castiel pull back and rise up off him as he tugged them down and nearly fell off the bed taking all the way out.

"So graceful"

"Shut up" Castiel ordered taking the lube out and passing it to him. "Open me up"

"You're dirty talk needs working on baby" he murmured as he popped it open slicking his fingers up. "Rise up for me"

"You need work as well" Castiel said before moaning softly when Dean rubbed a finger over the pucker of muscles before slipping a finger deep inside of him. Castiel moaned tossing his head back feeling the slow burn as his finger wriggled and crooked inside of him. Dean loved the way he looked as panted eagerly rocking his hips down onto his hand and finger inside him. He smirked adding a second feeling the give slip away.

"Fingers. Move. Now." Castiel ordered gripping his shoulders and moaning when his fingers removed themselves and knowing what he could take as he wrapped a hand around the shaft guiding it and sank down. Dean gasped wildly at the sudden deep intense heat surrounding his cock and stared into his eyes while he adjusted around him and started to move. Dean loved watching him like this; he loved trailing his hands down the smooth skin of his back and chest, watching his expressions of pain, eagerness, and pleasure shatter across his eyes and face, and kissing his chest, neck, and throat till the skin was red and purple. Dean knew leaving behind marks was the act of a teenager but he secretly loved the fact he was leaving his own marks on him.

"Dean" he moaned rocking on him and Dean smiled into his throat licking the salty taste of his skin and wrapped a hand around his cock pumping him slowly, teasingly, and stroking a thumb across the head. Castiel gasped feeling his climax build up and moaned jutting forward resting his mouth against his forehead when it hit. Dean looked down when the silky liquid hit his hand and chest suddenly. He gasped when Castiel locked down on his own orgasm tightening down on his own cock bringing his own orgasm. They both came down together as their breathing slowed and Dean breathed out heaving letting the back of his head knock against the wood of the headboard. Castiel hummed bringing him into a deep kiss flicking his tongue into his mouth and running it across the roof. Dean shivered eagerly pressing against him and pulling away to look into his eyes.

"Tease"

"I need to call Gabriel"

"You're also a mood killer" Dean said with a snort of laughter shoving gently at him as Castiel rose off him and rolled to pick his boxers and pull on his jeans. Dean grabbed his coffee heading into the bathroom for a quick shower and leaving Castiel alone to make his phone call in peace.

"Hey, Cas" Gabriel said in greeting leaning on the cushion of his pillow.

"Do you still want to know me?"

"Yes, I'm not like mom, I don't throw away my family like garbage" he said in a stern voice before breathing out. "I heard what you did, I'm proud of you…you stuck up for yourself and you chose what you wanted"

"But like you said, it's a family betrayal"

"Of course it is but we're not fucking perfect but you made a mistake and mistakes can be forgiven"

"Dean is not a mistake"

"No but you're affair with your sister's husband is"

"I'll give you that, I called for a reason, Gabriel, I need you on my side and I need you to pack mine and Dean's things"

"Cas, you'll always have me and what am I? Your fucking servant?"

"Well since our mother disowned me I need you to get my stuff for me and Dean's since he's with me right now"

"Fuck sake" Gabriel muttered closing his eyes. "Fine!"

"Thank you; we're at, The Red Apartments, door number 457"

"I'll be there when I can"

"You're a lifesaver"

"Yeah, yeah" he said hanging up on him.

Castiel smiled at his phone feeling warmth in his chest at the thought of still having his older brother. It still hurt deep down that he had ultimately lost his sister, mom, and dad to the affair but he had one member, he had Dean, and he had Dean's family. He stayed on the bed staring down at the phone and looked up when Dean walked out still dripping wet with ruffled damp hair and a pale blue towel wrapped around him. Castiel trailed his eyes down the sun kissed skin and met his eyes when he looked over.

"I can practically feel your eyes watching me"

"I like what I see"

"Good"

"I called Gabriel"

"Oh?" Dean said raising an eyebrow sceptically. "Is he…?"

"Yes, he's going to get our stuff for us and he won't abandon or disown me like my mom, Anna, or dad when he finds out" he said putting the phone gently in front of him. "I'm glad I have him"

"You should call work as well"

Castiel sighed pointedly picking up his phone and calling in sick. Dean picked up his own phone to see two new messages, one from Sam asking him how he was and had he done it yet, and one from Anna. He opened the message from Anna in confusion and surprise to see four words.

_I'm filing for divorce. _

Dean expected it as much and chucked it down with a nod. He knew it was coming and knew she would want rid of him and anything to do with him as soon as possible. A quick glance over his shoulder saw Castiel talking in low tones with Jo who he could practically hear shouting down the phone. He dressed quickly and grimaced looking down at yesterday's clothes wishing Gabriel would hurry up.

"Jo is…not pleased with me. I've lied to her and she's not happy at all" he said walking over to him with a sad expression. "She also said she knew it was going to happen and I'm a fucking idiot"

"She won't abandon you"

"I would hope not" Castiel murmured walking over into his open arms and resting his cheek on his shoulder. "I need all who I can get right now"

Dean didn't say anything as he rested his chin on top of his head with a huge sigh running his fingers into the back of his hair. It was a long few hours of ordering food for lunch, watching boring movies and having a little nap before they heard a car pull in outside and knocks hammer on the door. Castiel wrenched it open to see Gabriel glaring at him.

"That took forever! Your shit is in the car" he said jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

"Thank you, Gabriel" he said as they walked out to get their bags out of his car and dragged them into the motel room. "What did…well you know"

"Mom is in bed and Anna is staying with a friend apparently" he said with a sniff looking around the motel room. "She called dad and he's on the plane home now"

Castiel froze meeting Gabriel's eyes as he turned around to face him. "You know he'll want to speak to you"

"I know he will but he's not going to make me come home, leave Dean, or anything else" he said chucking his bag on the floor. "I won't be controlled anymore"

"Atta boy" Gabriel murmured with a wink. "This place is a hellhole"

"It will do for now" Castiel said throwing him a look. "Thank you, Gabriel, did you miss anything?"

"Nope, I managed to pack everything away and into those bloody bags" he said with a nod. "I have to get back though; I told Rachel I would be twenty minutes"

"How is she?"

"She's a little confused to what's happening and think we've all had a big fight as per usual" he said softly with a snort. "Mom refuses to tell her"

Castiel swallowed hard looking at Dean going through his stuff. "Tell her I love her"

"Yeah, sure thing" he said patting his shoulder. "I'll see you soon"

Castiel nodded watching him leave and stayed there till the door shut and he heard the car start up. "My father is returning"

"Should I get out of the country?" Dean joked dressing into clean clothes with a satisfactory smile. "He's going to find me, mutilate me, and hide my body in some ditch isn't he?"

"This isn't a thriller, Dean, this is real life and now I have my father returning, Anna hating me with everything she has, and Balthazar…"

"Oh" he said sitting on the bed heavily. "I forgot about him"

"He's nothing compared to you…remember that" he said softly meeting his eyes with a smile.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully and leaned his head back looking around the room. "Gabriel is right though, this place is a dump, Cas"

"We need to save the money we have, Dean, for food, water, dry cleaners, and a future"

"I know" Dean murmured with a sigh. "We can't live here for the rest of our lives so I was thinking…New York"

"What?" he said moving over to sit next to him.

"Cas, you didn't want to leave in the first place and with Sam there, his wedding soon, and plenty of places to stay I'd rather be there than here"

"You're serious"

"Deadly, you're family has practically disowned you and like you said they're always looking for cooks, head chefs, whatever, and I'll get a job somewhere"

Castiel bit his lip with a nod flinging himself at him and climbing into his lap. "Yes"

"Yes?"

"Yes!" he said gleefully pulling him into a hard kiss. "When do you think we should leave?"

"It's up to you"

"I need to speak to my dad first, hand in my notice, say my goodbyes, settle old scores, and…tell Gabriel" he said thoughtfully stroking his hands into Dean's short hair. "Next week"

"Next week?"

"Yes, it gives plenty of time"

"Let's do it"

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was three days in when Castiel was resting on Dean's stomach while he watched a television programme on doctors and nurses who were all sexy and he occasionally shushed Castiel when he wanted to talk to him.

"You're addicted"

"I'm not…it's just good…shut up, Cas" he snapped shoving at his head gently sitting up to practically fondle the television when Doctor Sexy came on. Castiel rolled his eyes at him and jumped when his phone vibrated against his thigh. He pulled it out and nearly stopped breathing when the name flashing was, "Dad", and he walked outside leaving Dean on his own to answer it.

"Castiel" James said in a steely voice that sent a tremble through Castiel. It had been a long time since he had heard that voice and it sent fear running through him.

"Dad"

"I see the vicious, disgusting lies about you stealing and corrupting your sister's husband are true"

"They're not…"

"Be quiet!" he said in a harsh enough tone that Castile felt his childhood memories flood back when Gabriel and him had been naughty, got dirty, or anything that wasn't suitable to their father. "Do you not realise what your actions have done, Castiel? Your own mother lies ill in her bed from the stresses over this whole façade! You're a disgrace, Castiel, you've always been an insolent little fool haven't you? Always ignoring the rules, taking what you want and never caring what happens around you. Now you steal your own sister's husband for pleasure and greed like a cheap little whore"

Castiel opened his mouth feeling the words puncture through him like bullets. "I fell in love with him"

"Love? You don't know the meaning of the word!" he said with cold laughter. "Your mom has disowned you and I whole heartedly agree with the sentence. You don't deserve to belong to this family…"

"I do so know the meaning of it! It's you who doesn't understand the meaning, you never have, you don't love mom, you don't love me, and you certainly don't love the rest of us. Loving someone is loving them no matter what they do, say, and anything bad they do can be forgiven. Love is painful, honest, raw, and it's the most psychotic feeling in the world given the purest kindest name. Love makes us crazy, wanted, needed, and most of all possessive and the need to show them how much you truly love them. Dean was Anna's and I knew that from the very beginning dad, I knew and I hated myself for wanting him but I didn't care, I fell in love with the man I got to know and I would do anything in the world, I would die for him right now if I could…but you? Leaving for months even years without so much as a word to your own wife! Fucking women behind her back, ignoring your children because they don't follow your rules and go into the business, and coming home to rant at me and tell me I know nothing of love, that I'm a disgrace, disgusting, and I don't deserve to be a Milton…that is not love" he ranted down the phone and stopped breathless.

James was quiet on the phone for what felt like forever before he spoke.

"If you truly love your family, your brothers, your sisters, and your mom…you will leave Dean right now, you will leave that worthless cheating excuse of a man and earn your forgiveness back at home" he said in a cool voice. "If not…you lose all of us forever, your mom, Michael, Anna, Rachel and Gabriel, I will make sure you never speak to him again and you know I can, Castiel, and you will lose us all. No family, no one who truly loves you, and stuck with a man who cheats"

Castiel stared at nothing feeling a thickening in his throat, around his chest and heart, and he shook his head.

"He would never cheat on me, I'm a cheater as well, and we found each other in the wrong time and the wrong situation. I love him, I fell in love with him and I choose him" he said in a hard tone. "If this is your crude imaginative way of expressing love for your family then your mind is smaller than I originally thought"

"Is this your final decision?"

"I will always choose him"

"Then my decision is final also and I hereby disown you, Castiel, and you will never hear from us. I hope your decision is worthwhile and you find happiness somehow all on your own"

"Gabriel would never abandon me"

"Oh won't he? We shall see" he said with a soft laugh. "Goodbye, Castiel"

The dial tone was final as he dropped the phone feeling an ache in his heart and turned walking indoors to see Dean practically making out with the TV screen. Dean turned his head to acknowledge him and paused looking at the expression on his face.

"Cas?" he questioned standing up and walking over to him. "What's wrong?"

"My father has disowned me for being with you…he made me choose…my family or you and for choosing you I will never see my family again, including Gabriel" he said meeting his eyes. "I'll always choose you, Dean, and I don't regret my decision"

"Cas…" he breathed stunned cupping the side of his face and bringing him into the warmth of his arms holding him tightly close. "You don't need those assholes, well I know you need Gabriel, but he won't let you go…I don't really like the dick but he loves you, Cas, he won't lie down and obey that sonofabitch"

"I'll never see Rachel again" he whispered clinging to him. "She's too young for this"

"You will, one day, she'll find you again"

"That's all I can hope for"

Dean nodded kissing his temple gently and pulling away as he held him.

"One down, one to go" Castiel said softly thinking of Balthazar and knowing he would have to confront him.

_**~0~0~0~**_

It was two days after James's call to Castiel when a knock on the door startled Castiel out of his nap and he read a note from Dean telling him he was making last minute preparations for their travel up to New York. Castiel opened the door and gasped in relief seeing Gabriel.

"Hey kiddo"

"Gabriel" he breathed pulling him close in a tight hug for a brief moment which was met with enthusiasm before they pulled away. "Did…?"

"Did dad tell me never to talk, see, or even walk ten miles towards you? Yeah, he did and you know what I told him?"

"I can imagine" he said in relief.

"I told him to fuck himself, drop dead, and catch fire" he said with a grin. "I was chucked out and mom fainted"

"Oh" he said with a blink. "Is she okay?"

"It's mom, she's like a cat with a billion lives"

"Oh okay" he said with a sigh. "We leave for New York in a few days"

"Ass" Gabriel muttered pulling out a cigarette and holding one to Castiel. "I bet you've been chain smoking"

Castiel nodded taking it. "I've had five since I woke up…Dean wasn't pleased, he said I was going to kill myself"

"Well…at least you'll die happy" he said with a snort lighting both their cigarettes. "I'm going to miss you"

"I'll call and text you"

"Hmm, why do I find that hard to believe? You'll be in New York with Deano, fucking him, living with him, and in fucking New York" he said loudly. "Where is he?"

"Last minute preparations and I have Balthazar coming around"

"What?"

"To talk, Gabriel"

"Does he know?"

Castiel shook his head taking a drag and breathing it out sharply. "He wouldn't be too happy"

"Right" he said raising an eyebrow. "I'm going to love and leave you little brother"

"I'll call you" he said in goodbye shutting the door and sitting on the bed feeling a little better. He sat on the bed smoking and it was only twenty five minutes later that a soft knock got his attention and he walked over opening it.

"Hello darling"

"Come in" he said formally sidestepping and closing the door firmly behind them. "I invited you to here to talk and talk only. I told you what happened with Dean"

"You always were a rebel" he said with a smirk dropping to sit on the bed. "Well done though, I never thought you had it in you"

"I love him, I fell in love with Dean, I don't love you and I never will again, Balthazar, we're over" he said crossing his arms over his chest. "I cannot stress this enough"

"God I love when you play hard to get" he said with a low moan closing his eyes. "You don't love him, its lust"

"I love him"

"I was the one who taught you to love"

"It's better with him than it ever was with you"

Balthazar threw back his head laughing and nodded smacking his hand on the bed. "Sure it is, I mean, a yearlong relationship including fuck buddies for dessert or a four month affair riddled together in lies, deceit, lust, want, longing and now love?"

"It was a yearlong relationship based on sex and your betrayal!"

"No!" Balthazar protested standing up. "It was based on so much more than that, I love you, you know I love you and I cheated because I was weak and didn't know what I had till I lost it. I lost you but I got you back, I got you back in the best but worst way possible. I ruined us, I know that, but it wasn't just sex, you know it wasn't"

"It doesn't matter anymore, I'm with Dean, and I've rejected my own family for him. I was given a decision, my family and Dean, I will always choose him!" he shouted at him. "I don't love you…"

"Your eyes say different" he said moving towards him. "Don't throw this away for…him!"

"You don't even know him, you have no idea how I feel about Dean, it's not lust, it's not some fling, and I want a future, a real future with him and only him…not you" he hissed getting into his personal space. "So…leave, don't look back and move on with your life"

Balthazar narrowed his eyes shifting closer so he right into his face. "I don't want to"

"Please…" he begged and gasped when he tugged him forward into a kiss not letting go when Castiel pushed his hands up at his chest trying to shove him away but it was like a brick wall attacking his lips.

Neither one of them heard the door open or see Dean watching them from doorway only catching it when Balthazar tugged him into a kiss. Castiel pulled back breathing hard and staring at him with hard eyes when a cold wind caught his attention and he turned his head feeling his heart stutter inside of him in horror.

"Dean…"

"Right" he murmured looking between them not knowing what to do as he backed up and away heading to his car. Castiel shoved Balthazar away hard enough for him to stumble back and crash against the wall.

"Dean, wait!" he cried running up and catching his wrist to pull him back. "It was nothing! I promise, he kissed me, I didn't kiss him back"

"Bullshit! I have just saw you, Cas, did you think I'm fucking stupid?!" he shouted pushing him away and climbing into the car.

"Dean, please!" he pleaded and could only step back in time as Dean drove away from him with skidding wheels. Castiel panted covering his mouth and walked back into see Balthazar against the wall still.

"Get out…if you _dare _call me or even come near me…I'll kill you"

Balthazar did have the decency enough to push off and walk out not looking back as he left Castiel in the room trembling and frightened over what just happened. He pulled out his phone dialling Dean's number and heard it ring and ring till he hit voicemail.

"Dean, it's me, it was nothing, I promise you. I invited him around for the talk, I needed him to let go and he kissed me, not the other way around, I don't feel anything for him…you know this. I love you so just…call me, please" he said and ended the call closing his eyes and sat on the bed heavily feeling like karma was getting her own back now. The consequences were being dealt and he only prayed they didn't get worse.

**A/N: Ha, I just love causing trouble, drama, and jealously. Enjoy.**


	15. Chapter 15

"Dean, please, call me"

"Dean, it's been 8 hours and no word…I'm worried about you"

"I'm sick of hearing your voicemail, answer the phone!"

"I love you, I will always love you, not Balthazar, he kissed me…you have to know this!"

"Dean…please just call me back"

"I woke up and you weren't there…no messages, no calls, no nothing, just please tell me you're okay…I'm going back to work today and I have to face everyone. I'd rather have a sound mind and know you're okay. I love you"

Castiel stood at his station stirring the red sauce staring into nothing and jumped when a pan slammed near him and he looked into the furious eyes of Jo.

"You have no sympathy from me"

"I wasn't expecting sympathy"

"You lied to me, you said nothing would happen, and then I find out you're having a full on affair with the guy! You're an asshole" she said with a huff. "I thought we were friends"

"We are"

"We're obviously not"

"I'm sorry, Jo, no one could know and certainly not you" he said removing the spoon and chucking it in the sink. "It was sudden, fast, and now I've lost him"

Jo paused looking over to him. "What?"

"Balthazar came over, I wanted to talk, end it all there and then, he pushed himself on me, and Dean walked in. I was only trying to push him away and…" he said trailing off with a hard swallow. "He's ignoring all my messages, my calls, and I have no idea where he's gone…he has no friends here, Anna is gone, and I fear he's gone to New York without me"

Jo sighed deeply shaking her head. "Talk to Balthazar? Did you really think that would work?! The guy is a horny mess 24/7"

"I know"

"He won't leave you"

"He saw us kissing, well, Balthazar kissing me and he looked so hurt" he said closing his eyes and checking his phone to see no missed calls or messages. It hurt more than he imagined and he hated waking up to a cold bed knowing he was still missing and ignoring him. Castiel was silent and moody throughout the day after that and shouted at the new waitress enough for her to drop a bowl of soup sobbing.

"Out!" Jo barked at him shoving Castiel out of the kitchen as Victor and Tessa attempted to calm her down. "What the hell was that?! Courtney is brand new, she is the owner's stepdaughter and she didn't deserve the backend of your pissy attitude"

"She should know what she is doing then!"

"She's in training!" Jo shouted at him and stood back pinching the bridge her nose. "Just…go. You only have half an hour left anyway and when Madge hears about this…"

"Don't tell her…"

"I won't have to because Courtney will" she snapped. "Get your coat, clock off and find your damn boyfriend because I snap your neck with a rolling pin"

Castiel glared when she stormed back inside to continue the evening meals and he did what he was told as he clocked out. He drove back to the motel opening it up and realising something was amiss. He blinked shutting it behind him and stopping when he realised only Dean's bags were missing. The realisation was like a kick to the gut that Dean was listening to his voicemails, knew he was in work, and came back to collect his bags so he couldn't see him. Castiel chucked his keys on the table and sat on the end of the bed with a heavy heart.

"I didn't…I didn't kiss him" he muttered to himself and fell back closing his eyes. Castiel knew it was stupid to call Dean now because why would he answer? He made a decision to wait. The more he persisted the worse he was making it. Castiel made the decision to wait him out and only hope he called or visited.

Dean had been driving most of the day and half of the night towards New York when he arrived in a motel needing another place to stay. It had been three days since he had seen Castiel with Balthazar and with nearly two days of debating and hiding, he grabbed his stuff, and drove to New York. He needed to see his brother. Dean met the young receptionist eyes as she flashed him a smile and slowly slid the keys into his hand. He nodded slinging his bag over his shoulder ignoring the wistful look in her eye and made his way into the motel room alone. Dean flung himself down on the bed and looked at his phone to see nothing. It was meant to be a relief to see no new message or missed call but instead left only an empty bang in his chest. Was he with Balthazar now? Did he give up? Does he not care? Dean knew they were stupid thoughts and sighed deeply tossing the phone aside and pulling off his clothes till he was in nothing but his t-shirt and boxers. Dean plunged the room into darkness staring forward at nothing for a long minute before pulling the other pillow towards him and holding it. It was nice to have something to hold whether it was a comfy, fluffy pillow or a hard but lean man. Dean sighed pushing his face into the pillow willing sleep to come but to no avail and turned on his back looking up at the ceiling. He wanted to hear his voice. Just his voice and he would be okay.

Dean turned grabbing his phone and going through the contacts. His thumb hovered over his number and he pressed call pressing the phone to his ear. The ringing phone startled Castiel to knock the empty bottle of beer to the floor as he grabbed it pressing it to his ear.

"Dean" he said breathlessly. "Hello?"

Dean didn't say a word as he listened to him shuffle around in the covers and bit into his lips closing his eyes. Castiel switched on the lamp and pulled the phone away to see Dean's number and pulled it back to his ear.

"Dean, is that you? If it just…make a sound"

Dean breathed out sharply for the noise and heard Castiel's exhale of relief.

"I miss you, I miss you so much, where are you?" he said pleadingly only to be met by silence. "Dean?"

Dean pulled the phone away hanging up and moaned tossing it away. Castiel heard the click and listened to the dial tone exhaling softly.

"I love you" he said to the dead phone before lying back down on the cushion closing his eyes in defeat.

The next morning, Dean woke up early leaving the motel room and carrying on his journey up to New York and arriving lunchtime to meet Sam for lunch. Dean slid into the booth when he seen him and stole a waffle from his plate.

"Dean"

"Sam"

"You did it then"

"You know I did and then I see him with his ex" he said biting into roughly swallowing it down and sighing deeply.

"So you just left…does he know?"

"No" Dean said with a shake of his head. "I just….left"

"Doesn't he deserve to know?"

"No not really"

"Have you even spoken to him since this kiss with his ex" Sam said with a resigned sigh giving him a look. "It could be more to it"

Dean reached over nabbing his coffee and smirking when he swatted a hand at him annoyed.

"No I haven't and I don't want to…not yet, I'll say I won't mean and then I'll lose him forever" he said passing him the empty cup. "Just let me stay with you for a few days and then I'll talk to him"

"Don't mess this up, Dean, you've already ruined and burned one part one of your life away for him…don't fuck it up" he said somewhat sternly. Dean rolled his eyes looking across the café and towards a couple eating and sharing secret smiles. He scoffed looking away and towards Sam who raised an eyebrow at him.

"You could have that right now"

"Shut up, I'm not a girl"

"Are you sure?"

Sam grunted flashing him a pissed look when he aimed a kick and caught him. Dean placed his head into his hands feeling the headache come on and sighed deeply knowing it was going to be a rough couple of days.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Jess looked at Dean who was staring at the TV screen with a glum expression and sighed deeply standing up and grabbing the remote control to turn it over.

"Dean, you are soon to be my brother in law and it's my duty as the sister to kick your ass because Sam isn't here right now" she said hands on her hips. "It's been two weeks, Dean, and we're both sick of this! Call him, talk to him, you keep staring at the phone and it's rang twice in these past two weeks!"

"What am I supposed to do when I see him with his ex, the love of his life, his first love, the one he kept for sex even after they were done?" Dean cried with a deep sigh. "I'd never be enough for him despite how many times he says he loves me. I caught him with Balthazar, all wrapped up and…"

"But didn't you say he didn't kiss him…"

"No, Cas said he didn't kiss him and…"

"Is this your way of saying you don't trust the man who gave up his family for you? Dean, you told us that he had a decision, you or his family, family is important, Dean, and you know that better than anyone and he gave up them…for you. This whole…kiss could be nothing! You need to stop being a little coward and call him before you lose him forever"

"Who you calling a coward" he grumbled.

"Me, Jessica Moore, and I'm kicking your ass into gear" she said poking him hard in the forehead. "I'm going shopping; you're eating us out of our home"

"I'll get a job, I promise"

"Fix your relationship first…please" she said pulling on her jacket and flashing him a small sad smile before leaving him into an empty apartment. Dean fidgeted pulling his phone towards him and dialling his number. It rang five times before someone answered and it certainly wasn't him.

"Hello?" a soft voice said.

Dean's eyes widened and he swallowed hard not knowing what to say.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" the guy said curiously. "Yeah, it was ringing so I answered…"

Dean hung up before he could hear the rest and pressed the phone to his mouth breathing deeply and felt the harsh sting at the fact his stubborn refusal to call him ended up pushing him away instead of keeping him waiting like a punishment.

"Shit" he cursed dragging his hands into his hair and moving up to get a beer out of the fridge and slammed the door hard. The ache in his chest wouldn't budge and he knew it was his own stupid behaviour for running out, running to New York, ignoring the constant calls, voice messages, and messages for him to call him would bite him in the ass in the end. Dean sat at the kitchen table looking at his phone willing it to ring back but it didn't.

"As much as I appreciate that…don't answer my phone" Castiel said to the guy who owned the motel eyeing him curiously as he paid for a room that night. "I left for like a minute and…you know what never mind…I'm going to go now"

"Sure" the guy said with a big smile just for him. Castiel made sure as he left not to leave his phone behind next time when he booked into a motel and to make sure creepy guys don't answer his phone. Castiel was a day away from New York and he sighed closing his eyes when he walked in.

It had been the two weeks from hell as he waited for Dean and finally gave up. He was not about to give him up without one hell of a fight. Balthazar, his family, no one was going to rip them apart and he was so sick of sitting back. Quitting his job was easy, packing his bags into his car was easier but saying goodbye to Gabriel was hard.

"I'll see you soon" he promised before driving away from North Dakota leaving behind his family and going to find Dean in New York. Castiel hadn't seen Balthazar since he kissed him and he didn't care, he didn't want to see him. It was now up to him to get this right and sort out this mess that had been widely blown out of proportion. It made him secretly wish that Dean was not this stubborn.

The next morning, Castiel made sure to leave early enough to arrive early in New York and at Sam's apartment. He stared up at the building with a deep inhale grabbing his bags out of the car and pushing the button Dean had pressed last night. Dean moaned pushing up with narrowed eyes at the blaring buzzer and jumped out of bed looking at the time to see it was 9.30am.

"Come on up!" Dean barked into the intercom and dragged a hand into his hair cursing whoever it was. Castiel walked up the stairs till he arrived outside the door breathless and knocked softly.

"Hey, look…" Dean said opening the door and pausing at the sight of Castiel. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"No"

"Dean, please I just want to talk"

"You don't need me to talk to; you have your new fuck buddy!" Dean snapped at him.

"I…I don't have a fuck buddy and I'm certainly not with Balthazar"

"I called you, a guy answered…"

"When?" he said clearly confused.

"Yesterday"

Castiel blinked pulling out his phone and opening it up and gasping softly in realisation.

"Dean, that's not a fuck buddy, a new lover, or anyone…that was the creepy owner who answered my phone when I booked into a motel room travelling down here. Can I come in?"

Dean eyed him carefully before nodding and opening the door wider to let him come in and dump his bags down on the sofa. Castiel looked around carefully and swallowed turning towards him.

"Two weeks, Dean, and one silent phone call from you…I was worried about you"

"I walked in on you kissing your ex, what did you want me to do?"

"I wanted you to come back and talk to me" he said with a sigh. "I didn't kiss him, he kissed me, and I couldn't stop him. I was pushing him away from me when you walked in"

"Oh yeah proper looked like it" he said with a scoff heading into the kitchen. "Funny how you didn't mention you were seeing him or he was coming around"

"I knew it would upset you"

"You should have told me"

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah…"

"Dean, this….this is so stupid and meaningless! I didn't cheat; I don't love or even want him back because I want you. We've been through too much in these past few months for us to just…end. I have nothing, I am nothing without you"

Castiel walked over taking his chin and turning his face to force him to look at him. "I've said goodbye to my job, my old relationships, my friends, my family, and I want a new life in New York with you but you, you Dean need to stop being a stubborn assbutt and let me back into your life before I kick your ass and you know I will"

Dean huffed annoyed when his fingers dug into his chin and he forced the hand away bringing him into a hard kiss. Castiel hummed eagerly against his lips pressing against him and pulled back breathing hard and fast. '

"Does this mean…?"

"Cas, if you know what's good for you…shut up" he muttered covering his mouth with his own with a filthy but possessive kiss grabbing two fistfuls of his jacket shoving him into the spare bedroom. Castiel moaned when he was thrown against the wall hard with a smack that would have hurt if he didn't find it more of a turn on. He loved it when it was rough and needful. They stripped out of the clothes easily enough until Dean was pinning his naked body down on the single bed hearing the old creaks and groan from the bed springs and frame. Castiel groaned closing his eyes desperately missing this feeling of skin to skin with this man; he spread his legs wide enough and was more than glad as he gasped his name that Dean was in no mood for teasing. Dean slicked the fingers up with enough lube to ease him open as he slid his fingers inside him forcefully. He relished the sharp moans of pain and pleasure escaping Castiel underneath him as he wriggled and slid a second plus a third inside him.

Castiel gasped gripping his shoulders when he thrusted inside him waiting till he adjusted before slamming into him hard and deep. It wasn't time for reconnecting; it was time to release frustration, want, anger, and most of all love. Dean pulled him into a bruising kiss as he thrusted hard into him causing the bed to shake and the headboard bang erratically on the wall.

"D-Dean" Castiel gasped arching his neck back to expose his neck which Dean took great pleasure in sucking and biting. It didn't take Dean that long to climax inside of him and the release was too good for words as he arched his back stuttering inside of him and near enough collapsing on top of him. Castiel gasped when he slid out and bit his lip at the loss only to look down curiously when his mouth licked the head of his cock.

"Yes" he whispered threading his hands into his hair urging him forward. Dean sucked him down missing the heavy weight of him in his mouth and took his time as he sucked down and back up licking his tongue across the head. The burst of his pre-come burst onto his tongue in its salty bitterness, he hummed swallowing it down before resuming licking and sucking Castiel to shout out his orgasm. Castiel whimpered feeling tender when Dean nuzzled into his groin inhaling and pulled him up into a kiss wanting to just kiss him and hold him close.

"Dean" he purred against his lips.

"I missed you too" Dean admitted looking into his eyes. "I just…you took him back once before and well…"

"I took him back for sex, Dean, not love or another relationship. He broke that and I just…missed him for a while but it faded like the love I once had for him. I don't need him and I never will"

Dean looked into his eyes seeing no lie and nothing but the honest truth to his relief. It made everything feel a little bit better as he kissed him hard and deeply.

"How much did you miss me?"

"More than words" Castiel murmured stroking a hand down his only slightly sweaty face. "I'm feeling like we have a lot of reconnecting to do, planning a future, finding a job, a house, getting money, and generally starting from scratch"

"Oh shut up, Cas" he murmured pushing him up and gripping his hips kissing down his chest. "No more talking, okay? We're going to fuck or…make love as they say until we're too sore"

"Okay" he said with a smile not complaining as Dean's mouth descended lower and lower.

Sam and Jess came home that night tired and hungry needing to relax, eat, and spent time together not working on their cases. The sight of Dean pressing Castiel on the living room fucking him hard and fast was enough to stop them in their tracks, Sam to cry out slapping a hand over an astonished Jess' eyes while she gasped and giggled.

"Dean!" he cried out covering his own eyes and dragging Jess out and into their bedroom. Dean bit into his lip looking down at Castiel who flushed a deep red, hands covering his face, and he struggled up as they wrapped the towels from their previous shower. It had been too much temptation after showing separately to find themselves naked and wet. It was a race that failed as they dropped on the floor needing to be with each other there and then.

Sam tugged open the door walking back out and looking between them. "There's a bedroom plus _your _bed for…this!"

"I know, I'm…god, this is awkward" Dean muttered rubbing the back of his neck. "It was just need and we're back together"

"Oh thank god for that!" Jess exclaimed walking in and smiling at Castiel before averting her eyes. "The situation is a little…bizarre but I'm glad for the pair of you"

"We'll, uh, we'll get dressed" Dean muttered gripping his wrist tight and dragging him along with him then. He shoved him in and turned to face him collapsing on the door.

"Well that wasn't how I wanted to greet your brother again" he said dressing into his clothes.

"He won't let that go from a good few months" Dean muttered grimly.

"I have carpet burns" Castiel murmured curiously feeling his back and wincing. "I never thought I would say this but I think you fucked me a little too hard"

"Good" Dean murmured with a small smirk. "You'll feel me for days"

Castiel turned giving him a look and waited till Dean was full dressed and they walked out to see Sam and Jess talking in hushed tones on the sofa.

"Ah I see you're dressed now" Jess teased with a small smile. "Welcome back"

"I want to apologise for the…well…" Castiel said awkwardly looking at Dean.

"Yeah, what he said"

"Don't do it again" Sam said sternly looking between them. "But…I'm glad because your depression over this was driving me insane"

"Shut up, Sam"

"Just saying…" he said and tossed him the phone. "Order takeout"

Castiel flashed Dean a smile as he walked over to sit next to Jess. Dean sneaked a glance over to them seeing Jess and Sam start talking with him about their case. Their recent hiccup had been nothing more than misunderstand blown way out of proportion and now they were back on the track. It was going to be a long but bumpy road dealing with everything from the broken down marriage, the affair, the loss of Castiel's family, and the whole new start in New York with no jobs, little money, and sleeping in a single bed in his brother's apartment. It wasn't the bottom yet but there was only was one way up and it could only get better. Dean ordered the food and stood at the kitchen staring out of the window with his arms folded wondering what to do when he felt arms wrap around his waist and a chin on his shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Everything, I mean…these past few months have been crazy, Cas, from travelling, marrying Anna, meeting you, falling for your stupid ass, and then ending the marriage, you losing your family for me, for me, Cas, I'm not worth it, at all" he said shaking his head and looking down at the sink.

"Look at me" Castiel said tilting his chin towards him and spinning him around. "I haven't lost all my family, I've lost my parents and my sisters, but I have my brother and he's all I need. I chose you, I don't regret it and no…one day I won't hate you for it. I hate them, I hate my parents for chucking me out like a dog, forcing me to choose, and one day they'll regret their actions so…yes, you are worth it"

"I don't feel like it"

"One day you will but for now, it's me, you, and New York"

"Cas, we have nothing…"

"We have each other"

"Is that enough for you?"

Castiel stared at him with a tilt to head considering him and pulled him into a hard kiss and shoved him back gently with a nod.

"Yes, Dean, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes"

"Okay, let's get a start on our shitty forever after and eat crap food, drink beer, and prepare for whatever our lives throw at us" Dean said with a heavy sigh.

"Oh, Dean, I thought you would have learnt by now that forever is a lie and we just need to take one day at a time" he said kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Okay, let's get a start on our shitty not forever after and go have a silent sex in our room till the food arrives" he whispered gripping his hand and tugging him down the narrow corridor till they reached the bedroom.

"I love you" Castiel said softly as they fell on the bed.

"Mmm, you're alright I suppose"

Castiel hit him hard on the shoulder as they kissed slowly not needing to rush because they didn't need to. They had the rest of their days in a shitty but unique happily ever after.

**A/N: Aw, just one more chapter to do which is of course the epilogue and then this is done and dusted. I already have my next story planned.**


	16. Chapter 16

_**2 years later.**_

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Good tidings we bring to you and your…" Gabriel practically screamed down the phone to him. Castiel held it away from him with a grimace looking over to Dean who was leaning against the side stirring cream.

"Gabe, as much as I appreciate the singing…you're awful"

"Bastard"

"I'm sorry"

"It's Christmas Eve, Cas, lighten up, you know I love this season"

"Yes because it gives you an excuse to get drunk every day, eat chocolate and mince pies" he said with a small sigh. "I hope you're coming down to visit us"

"I am soon"

"Good"

"I'll call you tomorrow bro!" he called before hanging up.

Castiel rolled his eyes putting the phone down and casting an eye around their two bedroom apartment looking over New York. It was well worth the rent every month and with his new job as head chef in a small but well rated restaurant and Dean training to be a police officer. He made the decision not long after his divorce with Anna finalised more than a year ago to train up and join the force like his dad had done. Their jobs paid well and they were both happy. It was a definite jump up from being at the bottom of the barrel more than two years ago.

"Why don't we have an electronic whisk?" Dean whined when he came over looking into the bowl.

"It's stirring cream, Dean, not hard manual labour"

"It's cream, Cas, for a four person Christmas dinner"

"Cream is better like this, keep whisking" Castiel murmured with a wink. "Don't come upstairs; I'm wrapping your presents"

Dean watched him walk away and huffed out still staring and heard the familiar bell of their cat. He looked over his shoulder to look at, Tigger, their grey tabby kitten who had walked in to the kitchen. They got him nearly five months ago from a shelter after his previous owner tried to drown him but was thankfully unsuccessful. Castiel instantly fell in love with the grey kitten with the biggest brown eyes he had ever seen before pulling his own pleading eyes to Dean practically begging him for him. Dean relented and five months later here they were, he wouldn't admit it but he did love the nervous fur ball who loved being cuddled and played with. Castiel named him because of his stripes and even though Dean hated it, it did suit him.

"Hello" Dean murmured scooping Tigger up and placing him on his shoulder were he perched like he always did. "You were attacking our tree again weren't you?"

Tigger meowed tail swishing against his back causing Dean to smile and put the bowl down and Tigger back on the floor.

"Screw that" he murmured walking in the living room and sitting on the couch. Tigger ran in after him jumping up on the couch and padding around till he was nestled into the other corner of the couch. Dean flicked through the channels till he landed on the Christmas film Jack Frost, and settled to watching that. Castiel came down eventually after an hour and a half of wrapping Dean's presents. Their budget was the same for each $400 each and no higher or there would be consequences. Castiel had obeyed, Dean hadn't but not to Castiel's knowledge.

Castiel hummed sitting down next to him and shuffling up into the warmth of his arms and sighing deeply with his eyes closed.

"Have you wrapped?"

"Yeah" he said looking down at him and giving him a quick kiss. "I was prepared this year"

Castiel smiled remembering Dean's panic and fiasco last year. His eyes went down to Tigger curled up sleeping and he nudged him with his foot. Tigger opened one eye looking at him before resuming sleeping. Castiel huffed amused resting his head on Dean's chest listening to his heart beat calmly as they watched Christmas films cuddled up together on the couch. It was peaceful, relaxing, and just what he needed on Christmas Eve. Sam and Jess were coming around for presents and dinner tomorrow and Gabriel hopefully on the 27th. In the two years of separation and rejection from his family they're had been no word from James or Kendal. The rejection and separation from his parents still hurt to this day and with Anna also cutting him out of her life it was still difficult. Anna was now living in Japan with a man called Derek who taught English to the Japanese. Michael was now divorced from Lilith and engaged to a lady called Charlotte who was apparently according to Gabriel very good for him. She took none of his shit and the family adored her.

It would always be hard for Castiel but in these two years he had not once regretted his decision. He made the right choice. Dean looked down when he yawned tired and settled into him closing his eyes ready for a doze against him till they went to bed.

The hours passed by easily till Dean moaned feeling tired and shook him gently kissing the top of his head.

"Come on" he said softly when he moaned lifting his head to look up at him. "Bed time for us"

"Should we leave a carrot?"

"He doesn't exist, baby" he murmured into his ear.

Castiel reached down to stroke Tigger before they climbed up the stairs stripping out of their clothes to get into bed. Castiel looked out of the window and smiling faintly at the snow still falling from three days previous and it looked like another white Christmas.

"Cas, bed" Dean murmured pointing to his side.

"It's still snowing"

"We'll make a snowman tomorrow" he muttered closing his eyes and sighing content when Castiel climbed in snuggling against him because he liked to cuddle and Dean had to give in. There was no arguing anymore about it and since Castiel had banned sex or any form of sexual contact for five days after it, it was the breaking point for Dean. His arms wrapped around him and he pressed small kisses down his temple and cheek loving the feel of his stubble down against his lips.

"I love you" Castiel murmured looking into his eyes and pressing a brief kiss to his lips before pulling away and resting his head on the pillow. "I want to make this Christmas better than our last"

"It will be, I promise"

They said their goodnights as they drifted off to sleep and it felt like five minutes later that Dean woke up to a pillow in his face.

"Dean, wake up!" he ordered when Dean grumbled opening one eye to glare at him.

"Cas…"

"It's 8am, I made sure not to wake you at 6am this time"

"It's still early!"

"It's Christmas, Dean" he said sternly climbing out of bed and dressing into clothes. "I want you up and ready, I'm going to get the coffee machine on and the heating on"

"Ass" Dean mumbled when he yanked the cover down exposing him to the cold air of the bedroom and dumping it on the floor.

Castiel sat on the couch with cross legs and smiling softly when he walked in running a hand into his hair and blinking bleary eyes at the presents.

"What…when did you…?"

"I woke up at seven and got it prepared"

"You're awesome you know that"

"Get here and open your presents"

They spent the next half an hour opening up their presents for each other from jumpers, watches, a weekend getaway to France from Castiel to Dean, films, CD's, and chocolate. The kiss Castiel gave him when he had opened all of his was enough to ignite that warm feeling in his chest as he pulled away looking into his eyes knowing that he was going to get a bigger reward for tonight when he gave him his last present. The secret present and Dean watched as he looked over his gifts with delight in his eyes.

"You kept into the price didn't you?"

"Yeah" he lied with a small smile looking away from him. "Did you?"

"I may have gone a little over" he said sheepishly glancing over to him.

"I knew you would"

"It was only a little"

"Cas, it's fine, seriously" he said shoving at his shoulder gently. "I need coffee…now"

"Pour me one"

Dean walked into the kitchen peering into the living room again to see Castiel sitting on the couch still stroking a hand down his jumper slowly with love in his eyes. Tigger was amongst the wrapping paper having the time of his life as he ripped into the paper ignoring his little presents, a toy mouse, and a big fluffy pillow. He pulled the ring out of his jeans and bit his lip knowing Castiel was going to freak out on him in both a good and bad way. It sent a thrill of excitement through him and he only hoped the answer was worth the wait to do this.

_**~0~0~0~**_

"Merry Christmas!" Jess called as they walked greeting each other with hugs and she placed a big kiss on their cheeks. "Did Santa bring you everything?"

"You're hilarious" Dean said dryly taking the gifts she shoved at him and walking to the kitchen.

"Tell me you're the one cooking, Cas" Sam said inhaling deeply.

"Yes with Dean's help"

"I made the gravy" he said with a sneer directed to Sam who smirked at him. Jess hummed in delight sitting down.

"Sit down!" she said and clapping her hands at Tigger who purred jumping into her lap. "Hello my sweet angel"

"Sam still not got you a kitten"

"Not yet" she teased looking at Sam with a smile who rolled his eyes back at her. "I'm slowly getting what I want day by day"

They opened their presents from Sam and Jess; it was a conjoined present to travel over to Egypt next year for two whole weeks.

"Jess…" Castiel breathed looking up at her stunned.

"You've always said you wanted to go there, both of you, and that is your Christmas, birthdays, and anniversary present" she said with a smile admiring her new necklace. Castiel turned to Dean passing the tickets over and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you"

The rest of the day was spent eating Christmas dinner together which resulted in Dean complaining grumpily that he was on dishes all on his own which guilt tripped Sam into helping him out. They brought out the beer, wine, and any other form of alcohol as they drank slowly trying to enjoy themselves instead of getting stupidly drunk.

"So no word from your family I guess"

"You guessed right" he said with a cough placing his glass down. "I have word from Gabriel who is coming to visit us in a few days, I have heard nothing from my sister who is reasonable from what we have done, and nothing from my mom or dad"

"Does that upset you?"

"It did last year but I suppose I have just come to accept it"

"They're still your family, Cas, they should have sent something, a card, or even a message"

"I disappointed them, I was given a choice and I chose, Dean, I don't regret that because what I have now is better than anything back there in that house" he said scooping up Tigger who sat in between his feet.

Jess smiled softly in agreement watching him with the little kitten that purred and mewled underneath his fingertips. The two of them looked up when they heard a commotion in the kitchen and walked into see a soaked Sam and Dean panting.

"What the hell guys?" Jess exclaimed looking between them.

"He splashed me!" Sam cried gesturing at Dean.

"No, you were being a pain in the ass like you always are and I splashed the water to get your attention" Dean argued back.

Jess looked over her shoulder to Castiel who just shrugged at her amused by this whole situation.

"Get cleaned up" she said with a shake of her head exiting the room. "I swear they were just as bad at our engagement party"

"How is the marriage going?" he said with a tilt to his head.

Jess laughed looking at her hand and nodded. "I still don't regret it two years later and well…we, um; we are talking about…children"

"You want to have a baby?" he whispered softly.

"Well…maybe one day" she said sitting down. "I've always wanted a family, a big family, and I want to be a young mom and I want his baby"

"You would be incredible parents, Jess"

"Thank you" she breathed and paused when they walked in still damp from their mini water fight in the kitchen. Dean rolled his eyes dropping down next to Castiel who sniffed it and pulled away.

"You smell like lemon washing up liquid"

"Blame him!"

"I blame no one"

"Just give me a beer"

Castiel let out a huff handing one over and looking over to Sam's meaningful look directed over to him. The real reason of their water fight had been because Dean told Sam secretly his plans to propose and got very overexcited. Dean had to splash him with the soapy water to calm him down which didn't go down well. Dean glared at Sam looking away and pressed his nose into his hair inhaling the sweet smell of his new shampoo. Castiel smiled softly turning his head and moaning gently in surprise when he pulled him into a hard kiss.

"I have a surprise for you later"

"Surprise? What surprise?" Castiel whispered back at him with a furrowed brow. "You know I'm not overly keen on surprises, Dean"

"I know but you'll like this, I promise"

"It's not sex is it, Dean? Because as much as I love you I don't want another coupon from you for sex free all year from the one and only Dean" he said softly and blinked when he snorted shaking his head.

"That was a joke, I told you that! No it isn't" he said kissing the corner of his mouth. "You will _love _this"

Dean glanced over to see Sam now whispering in Jess's ear and shushing urgently when she went to squeal and clap her hands like a demented seal. Jess grinned covering her mouth nodded flicking her eyes over to them and away burying her head in Sam's neck clearly fit to burst with excitement. Dean knew she would want to plan the wedding to the last fucking detail and he dreaded to think about their bank balance afterwards.

The rest of the day wrapped up quickly with Sam holding a tipsy Jess who kept giggling and hugging Dean and Castiel tightly pressing a finger to her lips.

"We'll call tomorrow!" she sang kissing them both on the cheek. "I just…I'm so happy right now and I just…"

"Okay, Jess, sweetheart, we're going to go" Sam said interrupting her with wide eyes and pulling her with him as they walked out. Castiel gave Dean a bemused look as they closed the door and settled on the couch.

"That was odd"

"She was drunk" Dean murmured pressing his thumb into his lip chewing on the skin gently. It was starting to become nerve wracking and he glanced over to him now playing with Tigger. It had to be done and sooner the better.

_**~0~0~0~**_

Castiel was brushing his teeth and shivered still feeling the cold chill from their previous adventure in the snow. They decided to go out and enjoy themselves in the snow for a while making a tiny snowman, throwing snowballs, and Castiel shoved Dean down into the snow kissing him till their lips were pink and their cheeks pink from the cold. Dean eventually forcibly dragged them back inside were they cuddled on the couch warming their cold bodies and hands with hot chocolate till bedtime.

Castiel hummed switching off the light and padding in the bedroom to the room illuminated in orange light from their bedside lamp. It always made the white bedroom look romantic and he sighed softly closing the door with a click. His eyes found Dean in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed and dressed in his navy pyjama pants and old AC/DC shirt watching him. Castiel noticed the wariness and the twisting in his hands; he swallowed padding over to stop at the end of the bed.

"Dean?"

Dean swallowed pushing a small box over meeting his eyes. Castiel breathed out slowly staring at the small black box and bit his lip shaking his head.

"Open it" Dean whispered when he knelt on the bed in front of it picking the little box up with shaky fingers to reveal the silver engagement ring, it was a simple design and he picked it out with a small gasp peering into see three little letters, _D&C, _and moaned softly.

"Dean…

"Marry me"

"You said you kept to the price limit"

"I lied" Dean murmured moving into his personal space. "I'm the man in this relationship so…marry me"

"I'm not a woman, Dean"

Dean trailed his eye up and down him slowly. "No, no you're not but you're going to make one hell of a blushing groom"

"Oh god" Castiel moaned when he kissed him softly pulling away to look into his eyes.

"Cas, will…you…marry…me?" he said pushing him down and pinning him to the mattress.

"Yes" he whispered breathlessly pulling him in and kissing him breathlessly and pulled away when his chest felt too tight from emotion. "You…how long did you keep this from me?"

"A few weeks, I told Sam before who told Jess…"

"That explains the strange behaviour today…" he said stopping when Dean slid the ring onto his finger and looked over to him with a soft edge in his eyes. "Do you really want to do this?"

"We live in New York, Cas, we can get married here now"

"I know but…this is such a big step, Dean"

"No, my big step with you was kissing you for the first time while married to your sister" he said trailing a hand down his side. "This is what I want, I want to marry you, I want everyone to know that you're mine, all mine, and no one else can have you"

"I love when you're overly possessive, Dean"

"The big question for you is if you want this?"

Castiel turned pressing his body closer so everything from their chests, thighs, and foreheads were pressing together. "I'll admit I am very, very surprised and I hate surprises, Dean, but this is best one of all and yes, yes, I want to marry you"

"Good choice" Dean murmured capturing his mouth as they wriggled together pulling off their clothes till Dean was pressing his naked body against Castiel's. Dean took his time as he pinned Castiel into the bed underneath him, fitting his thighs in between his spread legs and licking and sucking his nipples so they were tender and stood to attention. Castiel moaned restfully underneath him while Dean proceeded to kiss every inch from all over his face, down his neck, his throat, his collarbone and down his chest with small kisses tasting and inhaling the sweet cold musk of his skin.

Castiel groaned helplessly and wantonly as his hands clutched at his back.

"Please" he whispered feeling sweat prickle on his forehead and chest from the excursion of their activities already. He gasped when his mouth travelled all the way down to suck and lick across the top of his groin to his hipbones were he knew they were sensitive. Dean loved the soft gasps escaping his lips, the way his hands and thighs twitched with need, the arch of his back when it became too much, and the press of his heels into the mattress. He loved that he could undo him with just his mouth and hands to this moaning needy mess. It made Dean feel powerful and he grinned into the sensitive skin around his cock that was full, erect, and already wet.

Dean swallowed moving his head up to press his lips against the head sucking away the liquid with a hum at the sharp tang. His taste was unique to him it was a satisfying feeling knowing he would be the only one to taste it.

"Oh…Dean, please" he pleaded with a low moan wrapping his fingers into his hair pulling and tugging on it encouragingly. Dean swallowed him down enjoying the heavy weight in his mouth as he sucked and licked him till Castiel's moans increased, the fingers in his hair tightened and he cried out when the climax inside of him snapped flooding deep into Dean's mouth as he sucked and swallowed him down.

Dean hummed around the soft and sensitive cock till Castiel whined shaking his head. He pulled away moving back up and sighing softly when he gripped his chin kissing him with enough passion that Dean clung to him.

"Make love to me" Castiel whispered spreading his legs wider in invitation rocking his hips upwards sliding his cock against his. Dean nodded moving to open the drawer and get out one of their many lubes. He glanced and raised an eyebrow.

"Cherry tonight?"

"Yes" he breathed and closed his eyes in anticipation when he slid his fingers slicked with lube gently inside of him. It hurt still, it always would, but after two years it was much easier and more relaxing. Castiel panted eagerly when three fingers slipped inside with added lube, the cherry smell lingering around them mixed with sweat, sex, and semen. The bed cover and sheets stuck to them as they twisted and wriggled together till Dean removed his fingers, hands gripping his hips as he placed his cock near the entrance sliding all the way in.

Castiel gasped wordlessly in pleasure and pain when Dean slid inside him swiftly filling him till his ass rested against the back of his thighs, the sound of skin slapping against skin, and Dean didn't hold back as he thrusted deep and fast inside of him.

"Dean…" Castiel moaned loudly rocking his hips upwards in time with his thrusts, wrapping his legs around his waist, and placing two hands on his ass encouraging him to thrust deeper inside of him. They didn't hold back as they rocked together, Dean pushed his mouth against Castiel's but couldn't kiss him for long as he pulled back thrusting into the deep inside him feeling the orgasm deep within him from the tightening in his balls and the warm feeling deep in his stomach. The orgasm hit him hard as he felt his spine arch at the force as he emptied himself into him and breathed out harshly moaning as he dropped on his chest feeling the aftershocks. Castiel breathed out and in deeply combing his hands through his hair when he lifted up to look at him.

"Merry Christmas" he said with a huff of laughter kissing him on the lips and pulling out to roll onto his side of the bed.

"Merry Christmas, Dean" he said looking over to him with a smile crawling into his arms resting there as they let their breath cool, their skin, and their hearts calm down falling into a post-sex sleep.

After Christmas came and went they told the news to Gabriel who came down on the 28th to spend a late Christmas together and New Year together. Jess immediately started planning their wedding as soon as they gave their permission. It would be a small ceremony only for friends and family from work and others around. Castiel sent an invitation out to his parents knowing full well they would ignore him which they did and on the 16th April, the day of their wedding, they didn't attend. The only family member who stood in the audience was Gabriel and for Castiel that was enough. They married with simple vows in a beautiful ceremony which stressed Jess out to no end but she was so very proud of the success of it. Their honeymoon was spent in Egypt which they used instead of paying for one and they disappeared into the sand, heat, and stood on their balcony overlooking the Nile and could only enjoy the bliss of their lives. Two years ago they stood in an apartment, homeless, jobless, and with little hope for anything with a broken marriage and family behind them. Now they stood as a unit, a married couple with hope for a future, jobs that paid well, a kitten who was devoted to them both, and most of all a forever that wasn't a lie this time around.

**A/N: Aw! It's all done, folks. I'm very pleased with this and I would like you for all the reviews because they were all awesome as always. **

**I have a new story which I uploaded yesterday, 3625 Days, so if you want, give that a quick read. Woo. **


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